


Jeg beklager at jeg elsker deg

by Grape_Seid



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Childhood Trauma, Closeted Elsa, Coming Out, Elsa's a lesbian, Eventual Romance, F/F, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Honeymaren is bi, Internalized Homophobia, LGBTQ, Mental Health Issues, Mild Smut, Original Character(s), Ryder is gay, Sami - Freeform, Slow Burn, Therapy, elsamaren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:34:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 64,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27520816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grape_Seid/pseuds/Grape_Seid
Summary: Elsa is a college professor, she believes in love, sure, just not for her. Then she meets Honeymaren, a mysterious woman working in a café near her university. Honeymaren is an out and proud bisexual. Elsa is certain she's simply a straight woman with a terrible taste for men. Set in modern day Norway, these two women will develop a special bond that will surpass anything either has ever experienced. But will Elsa be ready? Suffering from anxiety and mild PTSD, Elsa has never been th best at forming meaningful connections with new people. Having her sister and brother-in-law is good enough for her, but when she realizes the dark haired woman that has been serving her lunch for the past weeks has been flirting with her almost the same amount of time, Elsa wonders if there's more to life than grading papers and visiting her sister's home on Thursday nights.Part 1 is Elsa's POV, P2 Honeymaren's and P3 both. Mature for language and some mild sex scenes. Updates Wednesdays. Hope everyone is staying safe. Remember to wear a mask. xx -Remington
Relationships: Anna & Elsa (Disney), Anna/Kristoff (minor), Elsa/Hans (mentioned), Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Comments: 80
Kudos: 191





	1. Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first chapter. Please let me know, as detailed as you possibly can, what you think. This will help me decide if I want to keep posting or not. Think of this as a pilot. I haven't written much, for now I only have 3 chapters, so if it sucks I wouldn't've wasted too much time. Anyways, the story is set in present day Norway. Elsa's a professor, very anxious and cannot stand change. Honeymaren is a very cute but impatient barista. They won't meet just yet.

Monday afternoon, September 6th 

“Oh shit,” Elsa whispered, as she saw the line that extended way past the corner of the street. She looked down at her watch. 12:48 pm. Great, she thought to herself. Her next lecture started at 2 pm, and the heavy bag on her shoulders reminded her of the colossal amount of papers she had to grade. Taking a deep breath, Elsa prepared herself and walked towards the café. At least, she walked towards what used to be the university’s café, but was surprised when she read the words “NITRO fusion FOOD” on pink neon letters plastered over the door. 

Perhaps surprised is not enough to convey the feelings that went through her. The Uni Café had been around for years, ever since she began her bachelor’s degree and remained, when she returned to school for her Master’s and subsequent teaching position. She had made a routine of coming to this café, everyday at 1 pm, to order a medium Americano, a tempeh reuben and a slice of apple pie, and grade papers or prepare lectures until 1:45 pm, when she would go back to her office and prepare herself for her upcoming class. Routine had always been vital to Elsa, and being blindsided didn’t do well for her mental wellbeing. Breathing deeply seven times, just like Helga had taught her, Elsa calmed herself down and recalled what she had learned during one of their sessions: The only constant in life is change, the one thing you can truly control is your reaction to it. Just because she remembered Helga’s words perfectly didn’t mean she knew how to apply them in every situation. She often found herself spiraling into her own thoughts when something changed in her life, in spite of how insignificant it may seem to some (Anna had certainly reminded her several times of this). Certain situations stressed her to the point of anxiety attacks and ringing ears, and her composing herself could take from merely minutes to long and painful hours. 

Her last recent attack had been last winter, right before she started seeing Helga, when Anna informed her that Kristoff had gotten a job offer in Oslo. The panic that ensued what something neither of them had ever seen before. After 24 hours of evolving panic, Elsa couldn’t deal with the shallow breathing, accelerated heartbeat, and cold sweating anymore and sought out professional help. She found solace in Dr. Helga Møller, a colleague of hers in the University and a trained therapist. Thenceforth, two weekly meetings and a Monday afternoon phone call had helped Elsa understand better her anxiety, her fears and herself better. Elsa wasn’t ashamed of being in therapy, she on the contrary believed it was just as necessary as a dentist’s check-up, and considered her decision to meet with Helga one of the best in her life. Even now, as her beloved café disappeared and Elsa had no control over it, she mentally thanked the universe for having put Helga in her life, and walked away from the café, finishing her seventh breath and with only sweaty palms and trembling knees. As she walked away from the restaurant, resigned to not eating anything prior to her classes, Elsa suddenly remember a conversation she had with one of her teaching assistants. Ryder, she was pretty sure that was his name, had mentioned a café close to the school that served plant based food, was usually empty during lunchtime and closed late at night. Acquiesced, Elsa took one final deep breath and headed west, remembering the vague directions Ryder had given her. She did not recall the name of the café, but remembered her student had mentioned something about sunflowers planted in the entrance. 

As Elsa walked the streets of the school’s neighborhood, she quietly scolded herself for her overreaction at the café’s closing. She was painfully aware that most of her reactions to change, like that of her sister’s moving, were uncalled for, and her irrationality in regards to alterations of her routine was something she was actively working to improve. Lost in thought, Elsa almost missed the plastic sunflowers placed on a terracotta flower pot on the floor, next to a small wooden door. In small white letters, the word “Blumencafé” could be read above the door. Elsa remembered her conversation with Ryder and decided to walk into the quaint café. As she looked around, she felt a sudden rush of calm washing over her. The place was small, no doubt about it, but arranged in such a way that didn’t make her feel claustrophobic or overwhelmed. There were six tables, each with different chairs around them and with colorful yet tasteful tablecloths over them. On top of each table, there was a mason jar half full of water and with a small flower on it; they seemed freshly cut, unlike the flowers outside the café. Taking a deep breath, Elsa smelled the recently brewed coffee and baked goods. There were only a couple of people in the café, a older woman sitting next to a window, drinking her coffee and solving a cross word puzzle, and a younger man, waiting for his change at the counter. Smiling to herself, Elsa walked the short distance between the door and the counter, keeping her distance from the man in front of her, as to not bother him. Noticing her, the man turned around and flashed a cocky smile at her, looking her up and down from behind his sunglasses. Who wears sunglasses indoors? Elsa thought to herself, as she politely smiled back and looked down at her feet, trying her best to not fidget with her hands. Huffing, the man turned around and accepted his coffee from the cashier. As he walked out of the café, the man took one final look at Elsa and whistled inappropriately, making her blush profusely and keep her gaze locked at her feet. 

“He’s the worst” Elsa heard someone say, “don’t take it personally, he does the same with every woman he sees here”. Elsa looked up and saw the woman behind the counter smiling at her. Or should she say, the girl, she couldn’t be older than 17. Elsa smiled and took a step towards her, smiling shyly and trying to keep her eyes on her. Eye contact is important Elsa, it shows you are actively listening and paying attention, Elsa remembered Helga telling her, from one of their talks about how uncomfortable talking to strangers made her feel. The girl, not seeming to notice Elsa’s mental scolding, smiled warmly at her. Her blue eyes shinned and her voice was warm and soothing. Noticing Elsa’s quietness, the girl added: “What can I get for you today? My name is Ellen!”

“Hello Ellen”, Elsa responded quietly, as she tried her best to look at her in the eyes. Failing, feeling intimidated by the girl’s friendliness, Elsa looked down and browsed the café’s menu in front of her. Not wanting to make Ellen wait, Elsa ordered the first vegetarian option she saw and a cappuccino. As she paid for her meal and was told by Ellen to take a seat wherever she pleased and pick up her order from the counter when her name was called, Elsa remembered her apple pie slice. However, Elsa saw a couple behind her, waiting to order, and unwilling to make their wait longer, she resigned herself to her incomplete order and took a seat on the table opposite to the older woman, in front of the other window in the café. After taking in her surroundings and quietly congratulating herself for her partially successful interaction with a stranger, Elsa took out her laptop from her bag and a handful of papers to commence grading. 

“Cappuccino and falafel salad?” Elsa heard someone ask. Startled, she looked up and saw a woman, probably in her late twenties, staring impatiently at her. The woman held a mug with her left hand and what seemed like an exceedingly heavy plate with her right. The woman had dark brown hair, with short bangs and a long braid that extended well past her shoulder blades. She wore a dark denim apron over a pair of gray trousers and a cream button up shirt. Dark eyes stared at Elsa’s intensely, and Elsa found herself intimidated and captivated by her eyes at the same time. Whilst a part of her wanted to look down at her hands and avoid the intense eye contact, another part of her wanted nothing more than to gawk at the woman. Apparently the former part of Elsa won, because the woman snapped at her, saying: “Did you order this?”

“Yes,” Elsa replied, aware of her swiftly flushed cheeks and burning ears, “I ordered that.”

“Great”, the woman with dark eyes replied, setting down Elsa’s food in front of her and walking away without saying anything else or looking back. Embarrassed, Elsa glued her eyes to her food and covered her face with one hand, feeling the heat coming from her cheeks. Immersed in her work, she hadn’t heard the woman coming nor had she heard Ellen the presumably ten times she had called her to pick up her lunch. After cooling down, Elsa stole a glance towards the counter, and spotted Ellen talking to the woman that had just served her. The woman removed her apron, hugged Ellen and walked to the back of the café, opening a door. Before leaving, the woman looked back and her eyes met with Elsa’s, staring intensely at her yet again. The woman’s brow arched before lowering into what seemed like a frown, but Elsa could not pinpoint what emotion flashed across her face in that short moment. As fast as her face had changed, it returned to a completely neutral expression, and the woman simply turned around and walked through the door, shutting it behind her. Perhaps it was Elsa’s lack of social abilities, but she was certain the woman’s expression had been more than just simple annoyance. As Elsa ate, she wondered about the dark eyed woman, until she remembered the papers she had to grade and the class that would begin in 45 minutes. 

Finishing her food with time to spare, Elsa said a quiet thank you and goodbye to Ellen from her table and walked out of the café, bag in her shoulders with most of her work finished. She had been extremely productive in the last hour she spent in the café, except for those few minutes, when she rudely goggled at the woman. I should probably learn her name, Elsa thought to herself, as well as wondered if she had noticed the impolite staring coming from the table next to the second window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, that's that. Like I said, depending on the outcome I will decide to keep posting or not, so let me know what you think. Comment or hit me up on Twitter (@remington_txid). Hope you liked it!  
> PS: I will not be mentioning the Northuldra people, but HM and Ryder will be Sámi in this story.  
> FYI: I am not Norwegian, I do not speak the language nor do I have any connection to its or the Sámi culture. My idea with setting this up was to be as realistic as possible and set the story in the place that inspired it. Please excuse me if I make any mistakes, feel free to correct me, I'm learning as I go.


	2. Protest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you! The response so far has been great, and you cannot even begin to imagine how much your comments mean to me. I also appreciate your personal messages, they make me so happy! I am so grateful you took time out of your day to give me your honest opinions and tips to improve. Two things stood out the most: long chapters and details. I will try my best to make the paragraphs shorter, I hadn’t realized AO3 changes the format so much. For details, I am trying to be as ambiguous as possible about the characters, I don’t want you to know who they are just yet. But not to worry, everything will slowly be revealed. Again, any comments, suggestions or criticisms are always welcome. Here’s chapter 2, I tried to make it a little bit longer than the first one. I’m not sure if I should stick to a weekly schedule or just post whenever, let me know what you think! Anyways, I hope you enjoy it! xx - Remington

Wednesday noon, September 22nd

Terrified, Elsa jumped up from her bed and covered herself with her covers. She had just heard a loud banging noise and was now covered in a cold sweat. Slowly getting up from her bed, her eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness surrounding her and scanned her bedroom. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, until another loud noise made her jump again. Panic-stricken, Elsa’s first thought was to walk towards the windows and open her blinds, not wanting to reach her door just yet. As she slowly drew her curtains, Elsa released a deep breath as she realized there was a thunderstorm, and the roaring noises she was hearing were simply thunderclaps from the ongoing storm. Relaxing into her bed once again, Elsa wondered what had her feeling so anxious lately.

At 6:45 am, Elsa’s alarm went off, but it didn’t wake her. She barely had any sleep since the storm had woken her up, she guessed at around 2 am last night. Instead of being able to go back to sleep, Elsa had remained tossing and turning for what seemed like hours, and when her alarm went off, Elsa was wide awake, already scrolling through her phone. 

Today’s gonna be quite the day, Elsa deliberated, as she got up from bed and began to get ready. As per usual, Elsa skipped breakfast and left her house at exactly 7:10 am. The walk to the university from her house usually took her 10 minutes, but since it was still pouring outside, Elsa took a longer time to get to her office. Nevertheless, her careful planning allowed for such inconveniences, ensuring Elsa was never late to her morning classes. After drinking her morning coffee and organizing her office, Elsa began her day. 

After the end of her morning lecture, back in her office, Elsa wondered about her week. Ever since last Monday, Elsa had visited Blumencafé every weekday, eating her lunch and staying to do some of her work in the pleasant space. She had deeply enjoyed the variety offered in the menu, and had dedicated herself to trying all the plant based foods served at the place. The coffee was amazing as well, and even though she didn’t know much about coffee, she recognized a good cup of joe when she had one. What she enjoyed most, above all, was the peace and quiet. For most of the time, the place was rather empty, and she only spoke to Ellen and the other waitress, whose name she still didn’t know. Regardless, Elsa thoroughly enjoyed the restful ambience of the café, and was amazed with how much work she could get through in just an hour. This café was becoming her happy place, and everyday she woke up excited about what she was going to eat that day and the people she wouldn’t have to engage in meaningless conversations. Besides, Ellen had informed her frequent customer status was earning her free coffee with her lunch order. Not having to pay for amazing coffee everyday didn’t hurt, not in the slightest. 

As her mind wandered, a loud noise brought her back to reality. Startled, Elsa pondered again about what in the world was making her so anxious. It wasn’t unusual for her to be jumpy, she had her diagnosis to thank for that. But the last few days had since a rise in her panic, and Elsa couldn’t figure out what was causing it. Her work life was fine, midterms had not started and there weren’t any students lining up at her office door asking for extensions and revisions, not yet at least. Her family was fine as well, everyone was healthy and happy. There wasn’t much of a social life to question, and that was fine by her. What else could possibly explain this underlying anxiety bubbling inside of her for the last days? 

Elsa stood, confused, and walked towards her office window, to seek out the source of the racket outside. She saw the streets full of people, marching east, probably towards the city’s centre, with posters and banners. The people were chanting, but what they were saying was lost to Elsa, her only hearing muffled sounds coming through her window in the 6th floor of the building. Elsa tried to read the posters, but they were too far away to be able to make out their writings, and the people were moving too fast for her to be able to even focus her sight on a specific one. 

After what seemed like hours of staring, Elsa broke out of her musing and looked down at her watch. 12:40 pm. Again, her lunch routine seemed to begin with a rocky start, Elsa being used to leaving at exactly 12:30 to be able to eat and work for an hour before having to come back to the university before 2 pm. Subdued, Elsa removed herself from her window and began organizing her things, so that she could leave her office and head towards the café. With her bag on her shoulder and her coffee thermos on her hands, Elsa walked out of her office and took the stairs down to the first floor. 

Just as she was about to exit, she bumped into someone who was standing, blocking the exit. This person seemed nailed to the floor, since they didn’t bulge whilst Elsa was sent tumbling backwards. As she yelped, the person whom she crashed into suddenly turned around and rapidly began helping her up.  
“Gods”, the person said, in a deep voice that caused Elsa to think this was a man, “I’m so sorry! I was so focused on the protest I didn’t even notice I was blocking the door!”

“Don’t worry about it,” Elsa responded, keeping her gaze to the floor as she organized the stuff that had fallen off her bag and retrieved her coffee thermos, which had, miraculously, not spilled after her fall. 

“Here, let me help you out” the man said, as he extended a hand to help Elsa stand up. Elsa graciously took his hand, and as she stood, recognized the man in front of her. Ryder, one of her teaching assistants, was staring sheepishly at her, his cheeks flushed and a loopy grin on his face. 

“Oh, hi Ryder,” Elsa laughed, brushing herself off and looking up at Ryder, who was several inches taller than her, “wasn’t expecting to bump into you here.”  
“I’m so sorry Ms. Andersen, I swear I didn’t see you coming from upstairs. I would’ve moved, you know, so you could walk out the door without literally crashing into me. Gods, I can be so den-”

“It’s okay Ryder” Elsa interrupted him with a quiet, calm voice to soothe his nerves, “I’m okay, see? No harm done. Besides, I wasn’t even looking where I was going, I was rushing and didn’t see you standing there.”

“Still, it was my fault,” Ryder responded, the corners of his mouth going down and his gaze to his feet. “Anyways,” he exclaimed, returning to his usual cheerful demeanor, “you’re okay! Where are you rushing to? With the protests, everything a mile around is most likely closed.”

“Oh… I hadn’t considered that. I was just going to that café you told me about a couple of weeks ago, to get lunch.”

“Blumen?” Ryder asked, his eyes shinning and with a grin plastered across his face. “Oh no, they’re closed. The owner closed super early today so they could come to the protest!”

“Ah…” Elsa responded, feeling defeated. As if her routine hadn’t been squashed enough, she now was late and had to think of an entirely new place to get her lunch. Which wasn’t going to be easy, considering Ryder had just told her almost everything nearby was closed, and the few places that remained open where most likely not going to serve her plant based meals. Elsa began to feel the start of a panic start rise from within her, her hands sweating and her breath becoming rushed. As she began to count her breaths, trying her best to calm herself, at least for the time being to prevent a full on panic attack in front of her teaching assistant, she heard Ryder clear his throat and speak, this time louder and clearer.

“Speaking of which,” he said, as Elsa looked up again and saw him move outside of the building, pulling someone who was apparently standing on the sidewalk watching the protest unfurl in the streets. “This is my sister! She works at Blumen, you might’ve seen each other, right?”

Elsa saw the woman in front of her, and recognition clicked in her brain. Although she wasn’t wearing her apron or work clothes, Elsa recognized her immediately. The dark brown that really almost seemed black eyes, the long brown braid and short bangs, the muscular build, this was the woman who had first served Elsa at the café and with whom she had had an almost staring contest from afar. She’s Ryder’s sister, Elsa thought to herself, I can see it. The siblings had the same caramel skin tone, dark shiny hair and chocolate brown eyes,

“Yes, of course”, Elsa replied, gripping her bag and thermos, as if to signal wordlessly her dislike for handshakes, “I’m Elsa.”

“I know,” the woman replied with a smug look on her face, causing Elsa to slightly blush in reaction, “Ry talks about you a lot.” 

Now it was Ryder’s turn to blush, profusely. He looked shyly down at his feet, as if trying to hide his reddening cheeks. Still, Elsa noticed, and she smiled to herself, wondering what he had mentioned to his sister. At the same time, Elsa noted the woman had not made an attempt to hug or shake her hand, and Elsa thanked the universe for her understanding. 

“Only good things, I swear!” Ryder proclaimed, as if reading her mind, suddenly looking up at her, wide eyed, “not that there are bad things to tell. I just meant, everything I have told her is completely-”

“Zip it,” his sister exclaimed through her teeth, jabbing him on his side with her elbow, “Anyways, I’ve seen you around at the café a lot this past few weeks. Enjoying the coffee?”  
“Oh, it’s amazing!” Elsa sang, “Best coffee I’ve had in town, and the food is great too, I was actually on my way right now, but Ryder just told me that -”

“Yeah, no, it’s closed,” Honeymaren interrupted her, crossing her arms and motioning to the streets with a nod, “Yelena never misses one of these things.”

“Yelena is Blumen’s owner!” Ryder exclaimed, rejoining the conversation whilst rubbing his ribs. Elsa imagined a bruise would appear soon, seeing his sister’s muscular arms. “She actually organized the protest.”

Elsa nodded, wanting to ask what the protest was about but not wanting to sound ignorant or disrespectful in front of Ryder and his sister. However, Elsa knew she had to say something in response, since neither of the siblings were speaking, only looking at her expectantly. But what do I say to that? she wondered anxiously, as she felt her hands begin to sweat. Thankfully, as if noticing her discomfort, Ryder’s sister spoke:  
“We’re Sámi,” she explained simply, “the government is planing a potential mine in Bjerkreim, a couple of towns west.”

“Oh, I had no idea,” Elsa replied, still trying her best to sound respectful, “About the mining, I mean…”

“Don’t sweat it,” Ryder told her, smiling warmly, “not many folk around here are involved with our culture. Still, the mines! Man, they really suck! They would totally ruin the grazing lands! Then what would the reindeer eat?!”

Elsa giggled, but quickly realized he was being serious and covered up with a made up cough. If she thought about it, she knew next to nothing about the Sámi, and although she had heard of their protests over the years, she had never felt connected to get involved or investigate. She recalled her school years, and mentally scolded her country’s education system for blatantly ignoring their indigenous people’s cultures and customs. 

Now, looking into Ryder’s eyes, she realized how privileged and ignorant she must’ve seemed to him, and made a mental note to read up about their situation when she got home that night. She felt it was her responsibility as a citizen to be informed on important social issues, and, if she was being honest, this conversation had made her more than curious about the people she was talking to. 

“Right, well,” Elsa coughed, shaking herself of her daze, “I hope they listen. I know it’s hard, the people in power rarely do.”

“You said it sister!” Ryder exclaimed, rising his palm, suggesting a very enthusiastic high five. However, he quickly noticed Elsa’s hands were full and dropped his, combing his hair with his fingers, hiding his failed attempt at camaraderie. 

“Right, well, I must get going,” Elsa said again, securing her bag in her shoulder and walking towards the door, “Hey, I never got your…”

But suddenly, as she looked towards the door, she noticed she was again standing alone with Ryder. His sister must’ve slipped out whilst she was daydreaming. She must have thought Elsa was rude, and wanted to get out of there quickly, to avoid more awkward conversation. Feeling deflated for not getting her name but relieved she didn’t have to go through the embarrassing process of asking for it, Elsa sighed, and instead asked Ryder:

“Hey, could you cancel today’s afternoon lab? I don’t want to make the students come to class if they’d rather be out there…” 

“Really? That’s so cool” Ryder replied, with a huge smile on his face, “Sure, yeah. I’ll send them all an email right now and let them know. Thanks”

Elsa nodded, and with a wave, said goodbye to Ryder and exited the building. As she walked the streets, in the opposite the direction of the people marching, Elsa wondered again about Ryder’s sister. She recalled her conversations with Ryder after class and noticed he had never once mentioned her. She wondered why. 

Were they as close as Elsa and her sister were? Did they live together? Or with their parents? As she thought to herself, Elsa also recalled that Ryder had never mentioned a girlfriend. Was he single? Probably, he was still too young to be thinking about dating. What about his sister, was she married? Elsa hadn’t noticed a ring, but she wouldn’t rule out a partner just yet. She seemed mature enough, with a stable income and her looks, she most likely had a boyfriend. 

As she walked around town and resigned herself to skipping lunch, since everything around her was closed, a strange feeling rose from within her. Was she hungry? Not really, the coffee was helping suppress her appetite. Was she tired? She couldn’t be, she had barely walked three blocks. Reaching her street, Elsa couldn’t comprehend the feeling, but was not clueless to the fact that it had risen right as she thought about the mysterious sister having a boyfriend. How strange.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I’m being honest, I was very scared before posting for the first time. As you probably guessed, I am staying completely anonymous here and no one in my life knows about this, not even my long term partner. It’s not something I’m ready to share just yet. Still, I’m enjoying and I’m planning on doing this as long as it remains a fun activity instead of becoming a chore. But the amount of love I’m getting is making me think I will keep writing for a long time! I’m so grateful, you cannot even begin to imagine. Hope you enjoyed this, have a wonderful week and remember to wear a mask!


	3. Anna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this a bit longer than usual, I really wanted to detail the reader’s first time meeting Anna. I hope I did her justice. As always, please let me know what you think, any criticism is welcome. I tried my best to add more dialogue and make the paragraphs a bit shorter. I hope you like it, I really enjoyed writing this one. xx - Rem

Thursday noon, September 23rd

“You’re always so busy,” Ryder said, as he walked with Elsa back to her office after their 10 am class, “let me help more with these kinds of things. Besides, it’s what the school pays me for.”

“What about the protest?” Elsa asked, hugging the papers closer to her chest, not sure how she felt about Ryder grading them, “I told you you could take time off this week.”

“Don’t worry about it! It’s not really my thing. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I care about all of that, but I cannot stop school and work for three full days, you know? Yelena barely has to do any work at the café, so she has all this free time to organize these kinds of things, and spirits does she love it! One of my earliest memories is about her and this protest about-”

“You know what,” Elsa interrupted him, as she convinced herself Ryder was more than capable of grading 30 two page essays, “You’re right, thank you.”

“Great! Here, let me help you,” Ryder said, as he helped Elsa with her door and took the pile of papers from her hands. Elsa breathed deeply, and again reminded herself she had hired Ryder for a reason. He was an exceptional student, amazing grades and a charming personality. He was a capable teacher’s assistant and Elsa should respect him by trusting him more. 

“Thank you Ryder,” Elsa said, perhaps a little worried as she handed over her students’ work to him. As if sensing her uneasiness, Ryder smiled warmly and said:

“Don’t worry Ms. Andersen, I know this stuff. I’ll bring it all back tomorrow, fully graded.”

“All right, fine, I trust you,” Elsa finally relaxed, smiling back at him. 

After saying their goodbyes, and Elsa sank into her office chair, she realized just how tired she really was. Instead of staying at her office to finish her work, and imagining Blumen would remain closed as long as the protests continued, Elsa decided to head back home. She still had last night’s dinner’s leftovers, so lunch wouldn’t be a problem. 

After getting home and reheating her food, Elsa sat down at her dining table, and ate silently. As she finished up and cleaned her plates, her mind wondered back to the café, as it had been doing for the last days. That coffee has me hooked, Elsa thought, assuring herself that was the only reason why she was so enthralled by the quaint restaurant. 

After lunch, Elsa made good use her time, and began to prepare her upcoming lectures and to writing one of her course’s midterm exam. If her phone hadn’t rang at 8 pm, she wouldn’t have noticed she had spent almost 6 hours sitting down at her dining table working. 

“Hey Anna,” Elsa answered her phone, clearing her throat after realizing she hadn’t even had a drink since she sat down to work, “what’s up?”

“What’s up?! What do you mean _‘what’s up?’_ ” her sister yelled, and Elsa moved away her phone from her ear, protecting her eardrum from Anna’s shrieking, “You disappeared! I’ve been texting you all day, I thought you died!”

“Stop being dramatic,” Elsa replied quietly, “I was busy, that’s all. Sorry.”

“Me?! Dramatic! How dare you! You were supposed to be here at 7.” Elsa’s eyes almost rolled to the back of her head as she heard Anna’s theatrical tone. 

“I know, I’m sorry, I was busy and lost track of time.”

“That’s strike two Elsa, if you miss another Thursday night dinner this year you will have to cook for all of us next time.”

“Again, I’m sorry, I was working and time flew by…”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it dear sister, but alas, I cannot stay mad at you. Have you eaten?”

Elsa quieted. As she pondered, she heard her stomach growling. Loudly. So loud in fact, that she was certain Anna could hear it through the phone. Taking her silence for an answer, Anna said simply:

“You haven’t. I’ll be over in 20.”

“It’s fine Anna, I’m not a child. I can manage on my-” but as Elsa spoke, she realized Anna had already hung up on her and Elsa was talking to herself. Elsa sighed, but still smiled to herself. Her sister could be overwhelming sometimes, but she still loved her to death, and couldn’t imagine a life without her. She thanked the universe, or the gods, the spirits or whomever there was to thank, that she didn’t have to anymore. The memory of the accident caused Elsa to shiver, and try as she might, suppressing the painful images from her mind was not an easy task. Elsa could lively remember the cracking of the ice, the screams, the bloodstained water… It was too much, even if almost 20 years had passed since it happened. 

Feeling her heartbeat quicken and her breath become erratic, Elsa stood from her chair in the dining table and walked to the kitchen. Splashing her face with cold water, Elsa remembered Helga’s words from one of their first meetings: allow yourself to feel it, but don’t let those feelings control you. Elsa had worked hard with Helga for years to overcome her trauma, but some days were harder than others. Her initial reaction would be to repress the memories, and bottle up her feelings, but Helga had taught her they wouldn’t stop flowing, until the building pressure would cause her to implode. 

Before her thoughts continued spiraling, the doorbell brought her back to her senses. Had she really spent 20 minutes mulling over about Anna’s accident and Helga’s counsel? It wouldn’t be the first time, she reminded herself, she had spent hours in debilitating panic attacks that had her reliving one of her most painful memories to date, over and over again until exhaustion took over and she passed out. 

Drying her face with a kitchen towel, Elsa walked to the door and looked through the spy-hole on the door. You can never be too sure, she thought to herself, and smiled when she saw the familiar redhead standing out her door, with a gigantic hermetic container in one hand and a toddler on the other. She opened the door and peeked her head through the slit, wanting to amuse Ingrid before letting them in. 

“I’m sorry,” Elsa said, trying to suppress her laugh, as her niece looked at up at her, wide eyed and confused, probably wondering why they will still standing in the hallway, “I don’t know who you are, what are you doing at my door?”

“Aunt Elsa!” Ingrid pouted, stomping her foot adorably, “it’s me!”

“You? Who are you?”

“Ingrid!”

“My niece Ingrid? Impossible! Last time I saw her she was so tiny, you can’t be her, you’re too big!”

“I am! It’s me!” Ingrid insisted, her lower lip starting to tremble, looking up to her mother for help with her loony aunt. Elsa almost melted of cuteness looking at the adorable three year old in front of her, and gave in.

“It _is_ you! Look at how big you’ve gotten!” Elsa exclaimed, opening the door completely and kneeling down to hug her niece tightly. After making sure she hadn’t scared her, Elsa looked up at her sister and smiled. Her hair wasn’t in its usual braids, and instead Anna wore it loose, with a fringe Elsa hadn’t noticed before.

“You cut your hair?” Elsa asked as she stood and picked up Ingrid, releasing her from her mother’s grip. 

“I did! This weekend,” Anna replied, combing her hair with her fingers, “Do you like it? I wasn’t so sure at first, but Kristoff says he loves it. I don’t know, do you think it looks too crazy? I mean, after having the same hairstyle all my life I kinda wanted to switch it up but I’m still not sure about-”

“Anna!” Elsa interrupted her, laughing at her sister’s rambling, “I love it, you look fantastic.”

“Oh, really? Thank you!” Anna answered, smiling and squeezing between her sister and her daughter to enter Elsa’s apartment. Elsa walked after her, still with Ingrid in her arms, and closed her door before her. Although she was initially joking, her niece really had gotten bigger, and it was becoming increasingly hard to hold her for extended periods of times. Elsa felt her arms begin to tire and tried to support Ingrid’s weight with her hip, but as she adjusted her weight, the toddler began to squirm in her arms. 

“Olaf!” she shrieked right into Elsa’s ear, as she saw a white creature prance through Elsa’s living room. You sure inherited your mother’s tone, Elsa thought to herself, with her eardrum in danger once again. Elsa began to set her niece down and before she had reached the floor, Ingrid jumped from her arms and ran behind the white cat. Elsa laughed as she saw a terrified Olaf run for his life as the little girl chased him through the apartment. 

“Huh, you were really working,” Elsa heard her sister say, almost incredulously, as she snooped through Elsa’s papers scattered all around her dining table. She then saw her sister begin to arrange the papers in organized piles, clearing half of the table. After she was done, Anna walked past Elsa again and entered the kitchen.

“Of course I was,” Elsa replied, hiding her shocked face as she heard her sister didn’t believe her, “what else did you think I was doing?”

“Oh I don’t know,” Anna said, waving her hand dismissing her, as she looked through Elsa’s cabinets, “I thought you were avoiding us, then I got scared because you usually have the decency to cancel.”

“I’m sorry Anna, I got so distracted by my work that time flew by and I didn’t notice how late it had gotten by the time you called.”

“Bah, it’s fine. We’re here now! Kristoff says hello, by the way. He wanted to come but couldn’t bring himself to leave Sven at home alone…”

“He really does love that dog, doesn’t he?”

“Ha! Sometimes I think he loves him more than me, honestly.” 

Elsa laughed, and helped her sister with the food she had brought over. They heated up the leftovers, wordlessly navigating the kitchen together, perfectly coordinated. Although they couldn’t see each other as much as they once did, Elsa loved her sister and would cherish every moment they could spend together. After all, Anna was the only family she had left, and Elsa was willing to do anything for her sister. Looking at her as she served the food, Elsa felt bad for missing their dinner.

Ever since Anna had moved out, a couple of months after meeting Kristoff, they had chosen Thursday nights as their family night. Even after Anna’s and Kristoff’s wedding, even after their daughter’s birth, and even after Anna’s huge promotion at the law firm, the tradition remained. After 7 years of weekly dinners, their get togethers almost felt sacred to Elsa. She wondered though, this was the first time she had missed a dinner due to pure distraction. The first time this year had been during the summer, when she had to cancel since the university had scheduled a faculty meeting she could not miss. The years before, the dinners she had missed were few and always justified. Surprised with herself, Elsa felt ashamed. What had gotten over her? This wasn’t her usual, organized and routine-based self. 

“Elsa! Get you butt over here now!” Elsa heard Anna screaming from afar, and realized she was standing alone in her kitchen, scrubbing a pan mindlessly. How long had she been cleaning it?

“Coming!” Elsa replied, as she put the pan away and approached her dining table. Seeing her sister sitting down at her table, with food they had made for her, and her niece playing with Olaf in the living room, an almost overwhelming sense of gratitude washed upon her. The feeling was so intense, that Elsa’s eyes began watering. Quickly turning around, Elsa wiped her eyes with the hem of her shirt, and hoped Anna hadn’t noticed. Sadly for her, her sister rarely missed something, and suddenly stood from where she was sitting and approached Elsa slowly. Lifting her hand and caressing Elsa’s back, Anna whispered:

“Hey, you okay?”

“I’m fine, my eyes are just itchy. It must be the cat,” Elsa laughed, wiping her eyes again with her shirt and walking to the table, taking a seat in front of the food Anna had served for her.

“That cat has lived here for years, Elsa” Anna said, sternly, “you did not just develop an allergy. What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing Anna, I’m fine.”

“Hm…” Anna hummed, still unconvinced, but instead of grilling Elsa for answers, she shrugged and sat next to her, encouraging her to eat.

As Elsa ate her food, she conversed with her sister. They spoke about Anna’s job at the law firm, about Ingrid’s first year of school, about Kristoff’s seminars… the sisters could speak for hours and never run out of things to say. They would’ve stayed like that, talking at the dinner table, until midnight without either of them noticing time passing by, if it hadn’t been for Elsa seeing her niece passed out on the floor of her living room, with Olaf on her chest, purring with delight. 

“I think someone might be a bit tired,” Elsa chuckled, bringing her sister’s attention to the sleeping toddler on the rug.

“Shoot!” Anna exclaimed, jumping from her chair and looking at her watch, “it’s almost 10:30, I didn’t notice!”

“Go, you both need to go to bed.”

Anna nodded, and walked to Elsa’s living room, where her daughter was loudly snoring. As Anna approached, Olaf jumped from Ingrid’s chest and run away, hiding in Elsa’s room. He had never been keen to anyone besides Elsa and Ingrid, always hiding when Anna and Kristoff visited. Elsa wasn’t sure why, but she respected his setting of boundaries. Anna kneeled to pick up her daughter, and lifted her sleeping body, resting her little head on her shoulder so she could continue sleeping. 

“Will you get the door for me? This infant is getting heavier by the second,” Anna huffed, and walked towards her sister, giving her a peck in the cheek. Afterwards, Anna walked back to the kitchen and began looking for the container she had brought the food in.

“Leave it,” Elsa said behind her, “I’ll wash it and bring it to you next week.”

“Okay, thanks!” Anna replied, gratitude flashing across her face, “I’ll be going then. Don’t forget to eat.”

“I won’t _mom_ ,” Elsa laughed, with mock annoyance in her tone, before turning serious and saying: “Thank you for everything, I won’t miss next week, promise.”

“For your sake, you better not,” Anna said, and walked through the door, out into Elsa’s apartment complex hallway. As she headed away towards the elevators, Anna turned around and called out: “I’ll see you then, love ya!” 

“I love you, too.” Elsa replied softly, as she waved goodbye to her sister and closed the door to her apartment. She walked to the kitchen, and began cleaning her dirty dishes and Anna’s containers. As she organized, Elsa wondered what it would be like to have someone else in the apartment with her at nights. She had never minded living alone, but after having Anna and Ingrid over, Elsa had to wonder what it would be like, to always have someone to eat dinner with and talk to. 

After years of self imposed isolation during her childhood and teenage years, Elsa had never grown to need companionship, more often than not choosing to be on her own. Everyone she had ever loved was living in a picturesque house twenty minutes north from her own apartment. What else did she need besides those three people? Still… Elsa thought from time to time. Only in the last years, during her late twenties, had Anna forced her to consider what depending on and caring for _other_ people could do for herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anna and Elsa’s relationship reminds me a lot of the one I have with my sister. Most of the stuff I’ve written here is based on personal experiences. I see a lot of myself in Elsa, the self doubt, the insecurity, the social awkwardness, the inability to come out for most of your twenties… Writing her like this has almost felt therapeutic. I’m so happy you are enjoying reading as much as I’m enjoying writing this. It means the world.


	4. Ryder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryder comes out to Elsa, Elsa doesn't know how to react.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up being way too long, so it’s now split into two parts. Part two will be up soon, I promise! I also forgot to mentions chapters will be marked, so anything that might trigger people in anyway will be announced in the beginning notes. This is not that type of chapter, but the ones that are will have a small summary here as well.

Monday morning, September 27th 

Checking the internet to make sure there were no more protests in downtown Arendal, Elsa decided she could finally go back to Blumencafé for lunch that day. If she was being honest, she missed the food and the coffee, and was anxious to return. As Ryder had told her, the protests about the mining in Sámi grounds had continued until Friday afternoon, until the local government had agreed to meet with Sámi leaders to discuss their demands. A part of Elsa really wanted to join the protesters, but another part, a much bigger one, felt incredibly flurried about joining a bunch of strangers for a cause she wasn’t part of. Surely, the people marching would judge her for joining, for joining them without being part of or even truly understanding their culture. She would be seen as an intruder, someone who protested without reason or passion. Besides, Elsa had never felt comfortable in crowded spaces, even if it was outside. 

And although she knew the protests were over, Elsa checked the internet all weekend, and all Monday morning, just to make sure she could go back to the café. She had searched the café online as well, but hadn’t found anything about it. She had also considered walking there on Saturday, just to make sure it was open, but she chose against it. What would she do if she ran into someone she knew? What if she ran into Ryder or his sister? What would she say if they asked her what she was doing there on a Saturday?

 _Oh, nothing much. Just making sure the café is open again to mentally prepare for lunch this Monday and spare myself from yet another break in my routine, that honestly causes my entire system to go haywire and another one in less than a month would probably incite a panic attack so severe that I would need to go to the hospital_.

No, she couldn’t in a million years do that. She would much rather do her research and wait until lunch time came on Monday and hope they were open. If they weren’t, well, she wasn’t prepared to think about that just yet. All the mental gymnastics of the last three days were taking a toll on her. 

Looking at her watch, Elsa noticed it was half past 10 am. She had enough time to work until she left for her dreaded lunch. Just as she was pulling out some papers from her drawer, she heard a knock at her door. Confused, she looked at her schedule. She didn’t have any meetings planned, nor was it her attention hours for students. Deciding it was probably the latter, she chose to ignore the knocking and continued to organize the papers she needed to grade. However, another loud knock distracted her and, with a huff, Elsa stood from her desk and headed towards her door.

Ready to explain to the student that she could only help them during her attention hours, which she had clearly written in their syllabus at the start of the semester, Elsa was surprised when she opened the door and found Ryder smiling.

“Hey Ms. Andersen!” Hey exclaimed, a little too excited, “I’m so sorry to bother you, but I was hoping we could talk for a bit.”

“Sure Ryder,” she replied, thankful it was only him, opening her door completely and motioning for him to take a seat in front of her desk, “what can I do for you today?”

“Thanks!” He said, and entered her office, taking a seat and pulling some papers from his backpack, “I wanted to give these back to you, we didn’t see each other Friday…”

“Right, the essays. Thank you Ryder, this really helps.”

“Sure…” he said, and Elsa understood he hadn’t come only to hand them back to her.

“What’s up? Do you need anything else?” Elsa asked, with her calmest tone possible, looking for Ryder’s eyes, but failing as he was looking down at his hands. They sat there, quiet, for a while, until Ryder suddenly blurted out:

“I’m gay!” 

“Okay…” Elsa replied, unsure of what to do with the information she had just received. Was he coming out to her? Was it the first time he had said that? Why had he told her, specifically, that?

“Spirits, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to come out like that,” Ryder whispered, rubbing his eyes with his hands, doing a terrible job at hiding his reddening cheeks and ears.

“What did you mean it as, then?” Elsa asked, softly, still trying and failing to find his eyes, which were looking everywhere except at her. After taking a deep breath, Ryder finally spoke:

“Ms. Andersen, I’m gay. I just wanted to let you know, before you heard from someone else. I’m out, at school I mean, everyone in my life knows. I just thought… well, you know, I thought it was important for you to know, seeing as I’ll be helping you out for the rest of the semester.”

“Well… I mean, thank you for telling me,” Elsa replied, carefully choosing her words, “but I’m not sure I understand why you felt the need to. Did I make you feel I wouldn’t be okay with it?”

“No!” Ryder said, a little too loud, nearly jumping from his chair “Spirits no! That’s not what I meant. I just wanted you to know. I mean, a lot of your students are friends of mine, someone would’ve said something eventually. I just thought it would be professional of me to tell you, face to face.”

“Oh… well, I mean, thank you for telling me. And just so you know, I’m okay with it. I mean, with you being gay. Your dating life is none of my business. Besides, you’ve done an amazing job so far, your sexuality doesn’t change that.”

“Thank you!” Ryder responded, finally looking at her, with bright eyes and a smile on his face, “I hate it, not telling people. Honestly, my sister sometimes tells me I don’t need to parade it around but I know she’s just teasing. I just can’t help it, when people don’t know I feel like I’m living a lie, you know? We’ve come so far, as a community, I just hate to think there are people who still feel like they can’t live their truest….”

Ryder keep on talking, but something about his words made Elsa wonder. She had always been accepting of people like him. Although her parents were, as some would describe them, conservative, Elsa and her sister always had more progressive points of view. They believed in equal rights for all, and for most of her life, Elsa had spoke out as an ally to members of the LGBTQ+ community. As a scientist herself, Elsa understood that some people’s biology was different, but it shouldn’t determine how you are treated by your peers or even your government. And even though she had always considered herself accepting, she suddenly realized Ryder was the first gay person she had ever met. The first out gay person, at least. 

Elsa realized Ryder was still talking, but since she dazed out, she couldn’t follow what he was saying. Still, she smiled and nodded, hoping he would be done soon. Trying her best, she could only catch the last few words he had said:

“… and she has been out too, you know, for a long time. But she swings both ways, which is weird because she never seems get a date. Well, anyways, thank you for listening, I’m glad I could talk to you about this.”

“Yeah, sure, no problem Ryder,” Elsa replied, completely lost as to what or who Ryder was talking about, but instead of saying anything about it, Elsa smiled at him and said, “Whenever you need to talk, you know where to find me.”“Yeah, thanks,” Ryder answered, smiling and standing from his seat, “I’ll get our of your hair now, if you need help with anything else let me know. I’ll see you tomorrow in class.”

Elsa stood and walked Ryder to the door, saying goodbye and closing after he left, curious about their conversation. Elsa still couldn’t understand what had caused Ryder to come out to her, but she was glad he did. She also wondered about the last thing she had heard him say. “She swings both ways”? What did that mean? Was Ryder talking about a bisexual woman? Elsa hadn’t heard him name anyone else during their conversation, but, if she was being honest, she hadn’t listened to at least half of what he had said. And although Elsa told herself it didn’t matter, for the rest of her morning, Elsa couldn’t stop picturing a certain dark haired woman in a denim apron while she worked.


	5. Honeymaren

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa and Honeymaren finally meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the continuation of chapter 4. I wanted to stick to my self-imposed schedule of updating Thursdays and Saturdays but couldn't wait to post this one. Hope you enjoy it! - Rem

Monday noon, September 27th

Shaking her head, and convincing herself she was only thinking about Ryder’s sister because Ryder had just talked to her, Elsa continued with her work. She wasn’t sure what it was, but something about the talk she had just had with Ryder made her pensive. She couldn’t focus on her work for more than a couple of minutes, because every time her mind would wander back to their previous conversation. Ryder was gay, so what? Elsa said to herself, it’s not a big deal, get over it.

And it wasn’t like she minded. She had always considered herself an ally. She didn’t care who people loved, as long as it wasn’t hurting anyone. So why, gods why, couldn’t Elsa forget their conversation and focus on her work? And before she knew it, almost two hours had passed and her stomach began growling. _12:30 pm_ , Elsa saw in her watch. Perfect, she thought, grateful she could go back to her usual routine for lunch.

Ignoring the part of her that told her the café might still be closed, Elsa gathered her stuff and quickly left her office, trying to rush out of the building before she could change her mind. Hurrying through the streets, Elsa saw the familiar plastic sunflowers from afar and finally took a deep breath. The door and windows of the café were open, and there seemed to be a few people inside.

After entering the café and ordering her lunch from Ellen, who was her usual cheerful self, and, as she had been doing for the last couple of weeks, reminded Elsa of her gifted coffee with her lunch. Thanking her, Elsa took a seat in her usual table, next to the second window, and took out a book from her bag. Since her first time in the café, and after the uncomfortable incident with Ryder’s sister, Elsa had tried her best to not lose herself in work while she waited for Ellen to call her name, as to avoid another awkward situation. Not that it was that easy, since awkward situations seemed to accompany Elsa wherever she went.

As Elsa read mindlessly, without paying much attention to the words on the page, Elsa heard her name being called by an unfamiliar voice. She looked up from her book, and behind the counter, instead of seeing Ellen, Elsa was surprised to see Ryder’s sister, smiling at her. Elsa blushed, and quickly stood and walked towards the counter.

“Hi,” Elsa said shyly, trying her best but failing to hide her reddening cheeks and ears. Seeing Ryder’s sister only reminded Elsa of their first time meeting, and brought back all the embarrassment Elsa had felt after realizing she had ignored her for several minutes as she tried to serve her her food.

“Hey Elsa,” Ryder’s sister replied, smiling warmly at her, “how are you?”

“I’m good, thank you,” Elsa answered shyly, trying very hard to keep eye contact, but the woman’s gaze was so intense, Elsa had to look down at her food to keep her cheeks from bursting into flames from all the heat building up there, “the food looks amazing, as always. Will you thank the cook for me? I’ve been really enjoying it.”

“Well, you’re talking to her,” the woman replied with a smirk.

“Oh,” Elsa choked out, feeling her cheeks reddening to a deep shade of crimson. She was sure her whole upper body was the same color, and Elsa was unable to control her embarrassment and shyness, “I’m sorry, I had no idea…”

“Relax, it’s fine. We’ve been short of staff the last few weeks and I’ve been helping with serving some orders, you had no way of knowing.”

Elsa took a deep breath and as she felt her body cool down, she looked up at the woman in front of her. She was smiling warmly at her, with understanding in her eyes. Her hair was in its usual braid, and her her brow was covered in a thin layer of sweat, probably from the work she had been doing in the kitchen. She was dressed in a white long sleeved shirt, a pair of black trousers and her usual denim apron. Her sleeves were rolled up and Elsa could see the muscles in her arms. She must work out a lot, Elsa thought, mentally comparing the woman’s strong arms with her own, pale, gawky ones.

Elsa had never been fond of her own body. She was tall, sure, but she had never looked like the women in the magazines. Her chest was mostly flat, her behind was almost nonexistent, and she didn’t have those curves she had grown up hearing women were supposed to have. Elsa’s relation with the scale and her body image had never been the healthiest, and seeing women like Ryder’s sister only brought her self-esteem lower than it already was.

“Right, thank you again” Elsa replied, grabbing the plate and mug sitting in the counter in front of her, and began to walk back to her table. However, before reaching, Elsa turned around and spoke, softly “I’m sorry, but I can’t seem to recall your name.”

“That’s because you haven’t asked me,” the woman replied, chuckling lightly as she tilted her head to the side and said: “my name’s Honeymaren.”

“Honeymaren…” Elsa replied, enjoying the way the name rolled in her tongue, “that’s an unusual name.”

Honeymaren laughed, and Elsa realized she had just insulted her. Embarrassed, and feeling her face flush once again, Elsa blurted out: “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to insult you! It’s a beautiful name, I just hadn’t heard it before and said the first thing that came to-”

“Hey, hey” Honeymaren replied, walking around the counter and standing next to Elsa. She raised her hand as if to caress her arm, but for some reason acted against it and instead just stood next to her, smiling and said: “It’s fine! I know my name’s a little bit different. Don’t worry about it.”

“Still, that was rude,” Elsa said, trying to calm her nerves, “I was rude.”

Elsa then tried to cover her face with her hands, to hide her awkwardness, but realized she was still holding her lunch, a plate full of food on one hand and a mug of coffee on the other. Seeming to understand Elsa’s predicament, Honeymaren took Elsa’s food from her hands and motioned with her head towards the table. Elsa smiled sheepishly and walked behind her, as she set the food down and helped her take a seat.

“Don’t worry about it, Elsa,” Honeymaren said, walking away, smiling and waving. Elsa followed her as she walked back behind the counter and opened a door in the back of the café. Elsa also didn’t miss the fact that Honeymaren turned around before walking through the door and looked back at her. And if she didn’t imagine it, she was certain Honeymaren had winked at her.

* * *

After finishing her lunch, Elsa looked at her watch and saw she still had almost an hour before the start of her next lecture, and decided to get ahead on some of her work. As she took notes and prepared her upcoming classes, Elsa noticed someone removing her empty plates from the table. She looked up, and saw Ellen smiling at her.

“Did you enjoy your lunch today, Elsa?” Ellen asked.

“It was lovely, as always,” Elsa answered, truthfully, “Thank you, Ellen.”

“You’re very welcome!” she said, lingering next to Elsa, as if wanting to say something else, but refraining from it.

“So…” Elsa said, unsure of what to do. Did Ellen want to have a conversation with her? Was Elsa supposed to say something? Was Elsa supposed to initiate it? She didn’t know what to do, and as she began to feel anxious, Ellen finally spoke:

“So, I saw you talking to Honeymaren,” Ellen said, with a smile on her face.

“Oh yes, she’s very nice,” Elsa replied, dubious of where the conversation was heading. Why was Ellen asking her about Honeymaren? “She told me she’s the cook here.”

“Yes! Her food is amazing, isn’t? I love those little meatballs she makes, except I don’t think their meat, now that I think about it… it might be beans, or lentils. Anyways, do you like her?”

Elsa choked on her coffee, unsure if she had heard Ellen correctly. Had she just asked her if she liked Honeymaren? Did Ellen think Elsa was… you know, like _that._ Once again, Elsa felt her face redden. It was something she hated about herself, not being able to hide her emotions. Whenever she was anxious, or shy, or embarrassed, her cheeks revealed it to the whole wide world. Trying to breathe and cool down, Elsa coughed and looked up at Ellen.

“What did you say?” She asked, giving herself more time to think of an answer.

“Oh nothing, I just asked if you like Honeymaren,” Ellen replied, with a smile on her face as if it was the most normal thing she could ask Elsa, “She’s great, isn’t she? And her food! Everything she cooks tastes amazing, doesn’t it?”

“I… I mean, yes, the food is great, and she’s nice, I think,” Elsa replied, carefully choosing her words, wanting to avoid any misunderstandings, “I mean, I don’t know her very well. I work with her brother though, he’s a wonderful guy.”

“Ah yes, Ryder’s really fun, but I was wondering what-”

“Ellen!” Elsa heard someone call out from the back of the café, and as both her and Ellen’s heads turned, Elsa saw Honeymaren standing in the back, with her head peaking out of the back door, looking sternly at them, “Would you come here, please?”

“Sorry,” Ellen said, turning back around and smiling at Elsa once again, “it was nice talking to you Elsa, see you tomorrow?”

“Yes, it was nice,” Elsa answered, still uneasy about the questions Ellen had asked her, “I’ll be here, thanks.”

Ellen nodded, smiled her perfect smile once again and walked away, leaving Elsa seating at her table, dumbfounded and confused. Elsa watched her walking away, leaving the dirty dishes in the counter and being called by Honeymaren, in hushed tones. Elsa couldn’t understand what they were saying, but she did see Honeymaren grabbing Ellen by her arm and pulling her through the back door, with a not so pleased expression in her face. Elsa wondered what had happened, probably a problem in the kitchen, and shrugging, Elsa organized her things, ready to leave for her class.

Try as she might, Elsa couldn’t shake the feeling that had grown inside her after her conversation with Ellen. Sure, she was uncomfortable, but there was something else she couldn’t quite pinpoint, a strange feeling at being asked about Honeymaren. Unable to identify it, Elsa did as she did best and buried it, deep. At least, she managed to temporarily suppress it, so she could concentrate on giving 2 hour lecture to almost 50 students.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ryder and Ellen are terrible wing-people (*wink*). We'll be back to our regular schedule on Thursday! As always, comment below or let me know via Twitter (@remington_txid). Thanks again for all the love. xx


	6. Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honeymaren learns Elsa loves chocolate. Then she asks her out. It doesn't go well.

Tuesday noon, September 28th 

“How was the food?” Honeymaren asked, walking towards Elsa, who was reading in her usual table, lost in a story about pirates and hidden treasures. Elsa looked up and smiled, seeing Honeymaren approaching her. 

“It was wonderful, as always,” Elsa replied, honest and grateful. As per usual, Elsa felt a sense of unease when talking to someone she didn’t know that well. Was she supposed to ask her something in return? Like how was her day? Or how was her brother doing? She knew that, she had seen him that same morning. Besides, was this even a conversation, or was Honeymaren just asking her to be polite? To avoid awkward silence as she cleared the table for her? Before her thoughts spiraled further out of control, Honeymaren spoke:

“Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Elsa froze. What could possibly Honeymaren have to ask _her_? They barely knew each other. What did she want? Was it something about her brother? Was Ryder ok? He was, Elsa reminded herself, they saw each other almost everyday. Or could it be something about her, going to the café every single day? Was she scaring off potential clients? Did they want her to find somewhere new to eat lunch? Stopping herself before a panic rose within her, Elsa took a deep breath and nodded. 

“Okay, well, I was wondering, do you like desserts?”

Elsa breathed a sigh of relief, and mentally reminded herself making up potential scenarios in her mind was not helpful for her anxiety. 

“Oh, yes, I love sweets,” Elsa answered, candidly, “why do you ask?”

“Well, I wondered because I noticed you never order anything. Any desserts, I mean. Why is that?”

And the moment Elsa dreaded daily came, as it usually did in day to day conversations. Having to explain to strangers why she didn’t eat any animal derived products, without seeming entitled or preachy, was extremely exhausting. Elsa felt, most of the time, that people judged her for her dietary preferences, and that the majority of them usually just assumed Elsa was trying to “convert them”; whatever that meant.

“I know you’re vegan,” Honeymaren said, matter of factly, as if she had read Elsa’s mind.

“I… what?” Elsa asked, confused, “how do you know that?”

“I make the food you eat, you know that right?” Honeymaren laughed, taking a seat opposite of where Elsa was sitting, “I’ve noticed you only order from our plant based menu.”

“Right,” Elsa laughed, feeling slightly embarrassed at her foolish question. Of course Honeymaren knew, how could she not notice Elsa was ordering the same 5 meals every time she ate there? 

“Of course, I just assumed the desserts here have dairy, or eggs, you know? So I just eat a chocolate back at the school, or something.”

“You like chocolate?”

“Oh, absolutely. I would eat for every meal, if I could.”

“That’s good to know,” Honeymaren said, as she stood and took the empty plates from the tables. As she smiled and walked away, Elsa couldn’t help but notice how giddy she felt. I’m making a friend, Elsa thought, unsure if it was the truth. Honeymaren was probably just being polite, and felt sorry for Elsa. She probably thought Elsa felt lonely, eating by herself doing work instead of enjoying her free time with friends or coworkers. Regardless, Elsa couldn’t shake the butterflies in her stomach as she watched Honeymaren go through the back door once again. 

Elsa didn’t have to be at the university for another hour and a half, but for some reason she felt like leaving the café. Even a good half an hour after her conversation with Honeymaren, Elsa’s fluttering butterflies remained, and confused her deeply. Why was she feeling like this at the thought of Honeymaren being a new friend? If Elsa was being honest to herself, it was probably because Honeymaren would be one of the first friends Elsa had made in her twenties. Sure, she had had plenty of friends during her school and college years, but most of those friendships had been superficial, and the few good friends she had, had drifted away to new, more exciting lives. 

But suddenly, stopping her from thinking about her lack of friendships and feeling sorry from herself, was Honeymaren again, standing next to her table with something on her hands. 

“Hey,” Elsa spoke, quietly, and very aware of the intensification of what seemed her new permanent butterflies. 

“Hey yourself,” Honeymaren replied with a smirk as she sat again, opposite to Elsa, while setting a cup in between them. Then, she pushed it towards Elsa and handed her a spoon she had in her apron pocket. Elsa, confused, took the spoon from Honeymaren and looked at her, questioningly.

“You said you liked chocolate,” Honeymaren explained simply, shrugging, “so I made you this.”

Elsa looked down, towards the cup. It was filled with a brown substance, what seemed like chocolate mousse. On top of it was a single raspberry and a leaf of what seemed mint. It looked, and even smelled amazing, but Elsa didn’t taste it. If it was indeed a mousse, Elsa knew they were usually made with eggs and cream, and although she didn’t want to seem rude to Honeymaren, she couldn’t bring herself to try it. 

“Hey, of course it’s vegan,” Honeymaren said, understanding Elsa’s uneasiness to try the dessert in front of her, “I didn’t forget about it in the last 10 minutes, Elsa.”

Elsa laughed, and looked at Honeymaren. She was staring at her, expectantly, and motioned with her hands for Elsa to try the dessert in front of her. Finally giving in, Elsa took a small bite of the mousse and almost melted into a puddle right there and then. The creamy chocolate dissolved in her mouth as she savored it, and the taste was so rich and amazing that Elsa’s eyes closed involuntarily and a small moan escaped her throat. 

Self-conscious that Honeymaren had heard her, Elsa coughed, trying to hide the incriminating sounds emerging from within her. Covering her mouth with one hand, Elsa looked up and beamed at Honeymaren. 

“This is amazing!” Elsa exclaimed, spooning another bite of the mousse into her mouth.

“I’m glad you liked it,” Honeymaren said, smiling warmly and genuinely at her.

“But wait!” Elsa said, scrambling through her bag looking for her wallet, “I’ve already paid Ellen for the food. How much do I owe you?”

“Hey, hey, stop!” Honeymaren finally said, loudly, as Elsa continued to look through her bag, “you don’t owe me anything! Don’t worry, it was nothing.”

“Oh no no, I have to pay for this, you took time out of your schedule to make it and probably had to use expensive ingredients and-”

“Hey, stop! It’s fine, it’s not like this place is bursting with people,” Honeymaren laughed, indicating with her hands to the almost empty café, “besides, it was only cocoa and coconut cream, nothing fancy.”

“Oh Honeymaren, I don’t know…”

“Tell you what. Consider this a taste test, if you enjoyed it, which I’m pretty sure you did, I’ll try to add more stuff like this to the menu and you can order them, paying like the rest of the costumers.”

“Okay, I think I can do that.” 

“Great! Then I’ll talk to Ellen and Yelena and see what we can add to the menu.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you, thank you.”

“Pff, it’s nothing. I love experimenting with new cooking, you’re doing me a favor!” Honeymaren laughed, as she took back the empty cup and dirty spoon and began standing from the table. Elsa remained seating, looking up at the smiling Honeymaren and smiling shyly herself, trying to control the turmoil of butterflies in her stomach, but miserably failing. As Honeymaren turned and began walking back to the kitchen, Elsa took a deep breath and said:

“Honeymaren, wait!”

“What is it?” She answered, leaving the cup in the counter and turning back around, looking at Elsa from afar. 

“Thank you, really,” Elsa said, doing her best to maintain eye contact with the woman standing across from her. Turns out, prolonging eye contact with a woman with such an intense gaze was harder than Elsa had imagined. 

“You’re very welcome,” Honeymaren replied, and began walking away again. However, before she reached the door she usually disappeared through, Honeymaren seemed to think against it and walked back to Elsa’s table, removing her apron in the process.

“Hi again,” Elsa said, surprised but, refusing to kid herself, pleased. 

“I actually wanted to ask you something else,” Honeymaren confessed, laughing and shaking her head, “the whole dessert thing was just a cop out.”

“Oh okay,” Elsa said, staring to feel twitchy again, but tried her best at humor to hide her nervousness “so you brought me chocolate to butter me up?”

“Ha ha,” Honeymaren laughed sarcastically, but Elsa could see the twinkle in her eyes as she spoke, “I don’t know, maybe. Is it working?”

Elsa laughed, but suddenly felt shy again, and didn’t know what else to say. She had never experienced this type of banter with anyone besides Anna, and she didn’t know how to thread conversations like this one. Was she supposed to keep the joke going? Or was she supposed to be serious and ask Honeymaren what she needed to ask her? Elsa hated her social awkwardness, and mentally wished she had more experience in talking to new friends. 

“I’m kidding,” Honeymaren said softly, seemingly trying to reassure Elsa, and appearing to have read Elsa’s thoughts. Elsa was surprised, really, at how many times Honeymaren seemed to understand Elsa’s feelings from just looking at her. Was she really that predictable? Or was it something more to do with the woman sitting across from her?

“I actually wanted to ask you out.”

“I’m sorry,” Elsa said, confused as to what Honeymaren was asking her, because it surely wasn’t on a date, “out? Out where?”

“Out on a date, Elsa. Would you like to go on a date with me?”

Elsa froze. She tried to speak, opening her mouth, but no sound came out. Her hands began to sweat, and her throat fell dry and itchy. Why was Honeymaren asking her out? It didn’t make any sense. Elsa wasn’t, well, she wasn’t gay. What had made her think that? Was Elsa’s attempt at being friendly come across as something else? Was she being too forward? Elsa couldn’t process what was happening, but chose to speak instead:

“I’m sorry Honeymaren,” Elsa said, trying her best at emitting even the slightest sound from her throat, which itself was constricting and refusing to cooperate, “I’m not… I-I’m not-”

“Oh, you’re not single?” Honeymaren asked, disappointment flashing across her eyes, but quickly fading away as Honeymaren smiled again and said: “I’m sorry for assuming, I was so sure you weren’t seeing anyone.”

“I-I’m not,” Elsa said, taking a deep breath and calming herself as best as she could, said in a quiet voice: “I am single, I mean. What I meant, is, I’m not, you know, I-I’m not _like_ you.”

“What? What do you mean ‘like me’?” Honeymaren asked, very visibly confused, until understanding washed across her whole expression, “Ohhh, you mean you’re not gay?”

Elsa visibly flinched at the three-letter word. Why did Honeymaren say it so casually like that? Or better yet, what made it so hard for Elsa to say it herself? That’s something we should unpack, Elsa imagined Helga saying, if she were to witness this atrocious interaction. 

“Yes,” Elsa replied, quietly and looking doing at her hands crossed on top of her hands, “I’m not.”

“Oh well, that’s too bad. We could still go out, you know, as friends. Thursday’s karaoke night at the Oblast, it’s a bar south from here, that could be fun. If that’s okay with you, of course.”

“I-Honeymaren, I’m sorry, I… I don’t th-think that’s a very good idea.”

“You sure?” Honeymaren asked, looking at Elsa’s blond platinum hair, since the rest of her face remained hidden.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Elsa answered, finally mustering the courage to look up, “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay, don’t apologize,” Honeymaren said with a smile on her face, as she stood. However, instead of walking away, Honeymaren took out a pen from her pocket and leaned into the table. After looking around for a while, Honeymaren located Elsa’s receipt from that day’s lunch and scribbled something on it. 

“I respect your decision, but just in case you change your mind, here you go,” Honeymaren said sweetly, handing over the folded piece of paper to Elsa and walking away. 

Elsa knew she wouldn’t, but for some reason, a reason deep within her, a reason she wasn’t willing to accept, Elsa took the folded piece of paper and placed in between the pages of her book. She placed said book and the rest of her belongings in her bag, and without looking back, walked out of the café.


	7. Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa regrets a decision she made. She calls Honeymaren to fix it.

Thursday afternoon, September 30th 

Elsa was panicking, plain and simple. Pacing around her living room, she contemplated her options. She could just drop the whole thing, throw Tuesday’s receipt in the trash and move on with her life as if nothing had happened. But that’s the thing, Elsa thought deflated, I don’t want to do that. She could call Anna, tell her to reschedule tonight’s dinner, and go out with a friend for the first time in forever. But Anna would kill me, Elsa thought, defeated. 

Thankfully, for the past two days during lunch Honeymaren had been incredibly patient with Elsa. Never did she mention her proposition, and made small talk as if it was the most normal thing in the world, conversation between two old pals. But Elsa was dying inside. A part of her was still terrified Honeymaren had thought she was a lesbian, but another part was incredibly excited she was making a friend. Helga would be so proud, Elsa considered, but after thinking of her therapist, Elsa realized she was doing all the things Helga advised her not to do. 

She was running away, she was hiding and, most important of all, she was not allowing herself to feel. After a pretty intense crying session the night before, Elsa had finally accepted that she did want to make more friends, she did want to get invited to things and she did want to leave her house for other things beside seeing her sister or going to work. But, as for most of her life, something was keeping her from reaching out. The thought of making meaningful connections and quickly thereafter, losing them, was too much for Elsa. She knew she would end up disappointing anyone who wanted to get close to her. 

She knew, eventually, Honeymaren would be let down. She would realize Elsa wasn’t exciting, interesting or “friend material”. She would get bored of her insecurities, of her anxious demeanor, of her hate of physical touch and her love of solitude. She would realize, sooner or later, there were better people to spend her time and energy with, and, as had happened before, Elsa would end up burned and exhausted. 

I need to talk to someone, Elsa considered, feeling her breath become ragged and her knees wobbly. She took a seat in her couch, and massaged her temples. She was feeling light headed, as if she had stood too quickly, and laid down. As she looked up at her ceiling, Elsa thought of who to call. Helga? No, they’d already had a session recently, and Elsa couldn’t bring herself to disturb her. She probably had hundreds of clients, and wouldn’t have time to counsel Elsa with such trivial worries. That left only one person. Realizing Elsa didn’t have anyone else to call besides her sister, she laughed. She laughed at herself, with a deprecating tone, and, before she could overthink it, dialed Anna’s number.

After only two rings, her sister picked up.

“Elsa!” She shrieked, as she usually did when talking through the phone. Elsa loved her sister to death, but her excitement sometimes could be, well, overwhelming. 

“Hi Anna, how are you?” Elsa replied, sitting back up in her couch and running her hand through her hair, trying to calm herself down.

“I’m great! How are you? How’s work?”

“Everything’s fine. I was actually calling to ask you something?”

“Oh, okay. Did something happen? Are you hurt? Do you need help? Should I call Kristoff? He’s at home with Ingrid, but I’m sure he could-” 

“Anna!” Elsa said loudly, laughing and mentally thanking the universe her sister could calm her down without even trying, “everything’s fine! I’m not hurt.”

“Right, sorry. Your voice sounded weird. Then what is it?”

“Would it be okay if we rescheduled dinner tonight?” Elsa flinched at her own words, knowing full well her sister wouldn’t approve, considering Elsa had missed last week’s dinner without any heads up or explanations.

“Well, that depends,” Anna answered, and Elsa couldn’t pick up her tone of voice. Was she mad? Was she disappointed? Elsa had a hard time reading people in person, over the phone was almost impossible. 

“On what…?” 

“Well, why do you want to reschedule? You’re not sick, are you? You’re voice is a little creaky, to be honest.”

Surprised, Elsa cleared her throat and said, more firmly this time: “What? No, Anna! I’m fine, how many times do I have to tell you?”

“Geez! Relax! Okay, I get it, you’re _fine_. Then what is it? Why would you need to _reschedule_?”

“It’s just, I might be going out tonight,” Elsa said softly, and then, even more quietly: “with a friend.”

The line went quiet. For a second, Elsa thought the call had ended, but looking at her phone, Elsa saw her sister’s picture and the end call button, indicating that her sister was still on the other side of her phone. 

“Anna are you there?” Elsa asked, suspicious but pretty certain of where the upcoming conversation with her sister was going. 

“What did you say?” Anna asked, in a neutral tone that again, Elsa could not decipher. 

“I asked if you were there.”

“No, before that. What did you say?”

“Oh… I said i might be going out tonight…”

“Yes, but after that?”

Here we go, Elsa thought. She quieted, and hoped her sister wouldn’t make her repeat herself. She was feeling self-conscious enough. 

“Did you say you were going out? With a friend? I am hallucinating? Did you really make a new friend?” Anna almost yelled, excitement gushing from her voice as if she was a little kid. 

“You know what, goodbye. I don't know why I even bother with you,” Elsa replied, ready to hang up the phone and solve the dilemma by herself. 

“Wait! Wait! I’m teasing! Come baaack,” Anna sang, trying to stifle her laughter. 

“You’re a pain.”

“I know, but you love me anyways”

Elsa made a throaty sound, almost like a grunt, instead of replying to her sister. She did love her, but now was not the time for teasing her. She was in the midst of an incredibly important decision and needed her sister’s support, not her mocking. 

“Elsa! I’m so excited, you made a new friend! Who is she? How did you two meet?”

“I never said it was a she.”

“Oh my god Elsa, is your new friend a boy? Did you meet a _guy_?”

“Well, no, it’s a girl. But you shouldn’t assume.”

“Right, sorry, my bad. Well then, who is she? How did you meet? Tell me everything!”

Elsa told Anna about Ryder and Honeymaren, skipping over some _obvious_ details. She told her about Ryder’s job as her teaching assistant, about Honeymaren’s at the café. She told Anna about their time meeting during the process and told her all about the amazing food she was eating there. She did not tell her about Ryder’s surprising coming out in her office, or about Honeymaren asking her out on a date. A _date!_ However, Elsa did tell her sister Honeymaren had asked her out, as friends (she made sure to highlight this, many times), but she had said no. 

“Are you serious?! Why did you say no? You made a friend! You need to call her and say yes!” Anna almost screamed, and Elsa involuntarily moved away from her phone, trying to suppress an eye roll. 

“Anna, but dinner, you said I can’t miss another.” Elsa said innocently, trying her best to convince Anna she couldn’t miss it, and convince herself she wouldn’t mind not seeing Honeymaren. As friends, Elsa reminded herself, almost automatically. 

“You know what? I suddenly remembered! Kristoff and I are _very_ busy tonight and can’t have you over for dinner. So gotta go! Also, call her, right now! Byeee!”

“Anna! Wait, what do I even say-”

Anna had already hung up. Elsa sighed. Resigned, she stood from her couch and walked to her dining table, where what seemed like the most innocent book of the world laid, cover down. In reality, that book was causing Elsa a great deal of anxiety, but not because of the words written on it. Sure, the pirates Stevenson had written could be scary, and some parts of the story were nerve-wracking, but no, that wasn’t it. What truly terrified Elsa was the little piece of paper hidden between the pages, taunting her from afar. You’re being too dramatic, Elsa told herself, and, after shaking her head to get rid of intrusive thoughts, Elsa grabbed the book and scanned the pages, looking for last Tuesday’s lunch receipt. 

Quickly locating it, Elsa took her phone from the back pocket of her jeans and began dialing the number written on it. Elsa noticed the pretty handwriting on it, and didn’t miss how Honeymaren had signed with an “xo” instead of her name. Elsa smiled to herself. Before allowing herself to overthink the situation, Elsa pressed the call button and hoped Honeymaren wouldn’t answer. Don’t pick up, don’t pick up, don’t pick up, Elsa chanted silently, but after a few rings, a voice spoke:

“Hi, who is this?” The voice answered. Elsa was pretty sure she had dialed the right number and Honeymaren was on the other side of the line, but the distortion of the call and Elsa’s nerves made her doubt herself.

“Hi?” Elsa squeaked, feeling terrified and excited at the same time. After clearing her throat, she spoke again: “Hi, is this Honeymaren?”

“Yes, this is she. Who is this?”

“Oh thank goodness,” Elsa breathed out, and realized Honeymaren had asked who she was twice, “Yes, hi, sorry, this is Elsa.”

“Oh! Elsa! I didn’t recognize your voice,” Honeymaren said, but suddenly stopped talking. All Elsa could hear were muffled sounds, and she feared the call had failed.

“Hi? Honeymaren? Are you there?” She asked, a part of her hoping the call had ended and she wouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment of asking Honeymaren to take her out after she had said no.

“Yes! Hi! Sorry, I was just talking to my brother,” Honeymaren said, and Elsa could hear a quiet thump from her end of the line, “How are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you,” Elsa said, and before continuing, took a deep breath. I can do this, she told herself, it’s just a phone call, “How are you?”

“I’m great!”

And then, silence. Elsa focused, and she could hear Honeymaren’s breath on the phone. She was waiting for Elsa to say something. And that was what terrified Elsa. How was she supposed to do that? What was she supposed to say? Elsa had never done this before. She had never taken the initiative to ask someone to hang out with her. Was there a protocol Elsa was supposed to follow? How do people do this?! Elsa asked herself, scared stiff. Taking a deep breath, Elsa said the thing she had been dreading all afternoon: 

“Is your offer to hang out still on the table? As friends, I mean.” 

“Of course! I would love to hang out with you!” Honeymaren said, and Elsa really relaxed for the time since Tuesday. However, Elsa realized she hadn’t specified she wanted to go out that same night. And instead of thinking it over in her head, Elsa just blurted out:

“I mean, like….today? I understand if you can’t, you must be terribly busy. It’s so last minute, you probably already have plans, I’m sorry, we’ll talk lat-”

“Hey! Today’s great!” Honeymaren interrupted her, before Elsa could continue maundering, “do you want to go to the bar I told you about? Oblast? It’s karaoke night tonight!” 

“Sure, that sounds fun.”

“Great! I’ll text you the address. How does 7 sound?”

“Perfect,” Elsa replied, without giving herself time to consider the time or place. If she allowed herself to think about it, she would come up with hundreds of excuses to not go, she was an expert in avoiding get togethers at work, this wouldn’t be any different. Instead, she chose to swallow all of her pretexts and allow herself a friend. 

“Cool,” Honeymaren said casually, “see you then!”

“Right, thanks. I mean, bye. Well, bye for now, I’ll see you. Tonight, I mean, I’ll see you later.”

As Elsa stumbled with her words, covered her face with one of her hands and rushed to end the call. However, right as she was pressing the big red button on her screen, she heard Honeymaren laugh from afar. Elsa threw her phone at her couch, and sank down to her knees. What the hell was that? Elsa asked herself, mortified and wanting to take back that entire phone call. She wouldn’t’ve been surprised if Honeymaren had texted her saying she had to cancel their plans. Instead, a couple of minutes after rolling around in the floor trying to dissipate her embarrassment, Elsa got a text from Honeymaren.

Honeymaren Nattura: _Munkegaten 5, 5848. Let’s meet at the entrance at 7. Yeah?_ 16:47. 

Elsa freaked out. Well, freak out might be an overstatement. Elsa felt so many emotions rushing through her as she read and reread that text, that all she could describe herself as doing at that very moment was freaking out. Yes, she was elated Honeymaren hadn’t reconsidered after hearing Elsa make a fool of herself. She was thankful Honeymaren was so incredibly understanding. But she was also fearful. She was afraid of going out and what would happen if she did. What if she got there and got stood up? What if she got there before Honeymaren and people talked? What if after a few hours outside of the café, Honeymaren realized Elsa wasn’t all that interesting and got bored? 

“Stop it!” Elsa yelled to herself, sitting up from the floor and rubbing her eyes with the palms of her hands, “you’re going, that’s that.” 

Hiding her fear with determination, Elsa stood from the floor of her living room and walked into her bedroom. After replying to Honeymaren’s text, she began to mentally prepare herself for one of her first outings without Anna or Kristoff in years. She was going out tonight, and no one, not even her awkward self, was going to prevent her from a having a great night. _Right, let’s be real, we’ll shoot for okay_. No one was going to stop her from having an okay night.


	8. Karaoke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa and Honeymaren walk into a bar. It turns out going out is not so bad as Elsa thought. Remember, this fic is the slowest of burns. Be patient, it'll be worth it. I promise.

Thursday night, September 30th 

Elsa decided to walk. She usually walked everywhere, specially during this time when the weather was getting colder. There was something about cold weather that made Elsa feel comfortable. She couldn’t explain it, since her past experience with snow and ice were traumatic, to say the least. But walking in the cold weather made Elsa happy, so she did it as often as she could. You have to take control of your experiences, Helga had once said, you cannot let your fears control your life. 

Living in a place like Arendal, Elsa could never escape the cold, she knew that. So she spent most of her teenage years coming to terms with her childhood trauma, and thanks to years of exposure therapy, Elsa now felt at peace during the winter. The snow and ice didn’t petrify her now, and she embraced the season she once despised. Walking in the cold weather was not terrifying anymore, and, as I way to control at least one aspect of her life, Elsa taught herself to enjoy the cold, to not fear nor run from it. So far, it had worked. The cold didn’t even bother her. 

Elsa did not own a car, so when the distances where too long, she usually used her bicycle. Except, what if I arrive in a bike and there is nowhere to park it? What if I end up looking like a dork? As she always did, Elsa ended up overanalyzing every single aspect of her plans, and that night wasn’t any different. Wanting to save herself from the embarrassment, Elsa decided to walk. 

She looked at a map in her phone before even getting ready, and saw that the place was almost 20 blocks away, south from her street. She calculated, at her walking pace, getting there would take around 20 minutes. Just to be safe, Elsa decided to leave her house at 6:20 pm, when the sun had already set. Since autumn was already starting, the days would only get shorter from then on. Besides, this time of year was usually the rainiest, so she would probably take longer than predicted to get there. However, if she got there too early, she would hang back a block or two until it was 6:55, and then she would walk to the entrance of the bar where she had agreed to meet with Honeymaren.

Yes, that’s a good plan, Elsa thought to herself as she applied the last bits of her makeup. Looking at the mirror, Elsa sighed and said out loud: “That’s the best I can do, I guess.”

Elsa had never been at peace with her appearance. She had always thought her hair, although blond, was too thin and unmanageable, it only looked decent in a tight, thick braid. Her eyes, although blue, were always sunken and accompanied by dark circles, and Elsa had to cover them daily with her concealer as to not look tired or sick. Her skin, pale and marked; she hated her freckles, which where everywhere except her face, her stretch marks in her legs after years of weight gain and loss, and the fact that anyone could see her veins through her thin, white skin. 

Her makeup routine consisted in hiding her defects, not enhancing her features. She had never learned how to do that, but she did know how to hide her under-eyes, make her skin look less pale and fill her very thin eyebrows. Once in a while Anna had tried to teach her how to do a winged eyeliner, or apply eyeshadow, or use colored lipsticks, but Elsa had hated it. Not how she looked, that was fine, she had hated the fact that she sucked at applying it, and she preferred not do it than to do it imperfectly.

Taking one last deep breath, Elsa exited her bathroom and prepared to leave. Grabbing her jacket and keys, Elsa did one final check up of her apartment. You can never be too sure, she reminded herself. She checked the stove was off, the windows were closed, the chords unplugged and Olaf’s food and water bowls, full. It was part of her routine, checking, and she never felt comfortable leaving her house without doing it. Although deep down she knew most of her fears were unlikely to come true, Elsa could not bring herself to risk it. 

As she reached her door, she felt something rubbing against her legs. Looking down and smiling, Elsa saw Olaf walking in circles around her, meowing loudly and looking up at her. Having adopted him as a very young kitten, she had raised him alone and he had formed some kind of bond with her. Elsa was pretty sure he had separation anxiety, and he did not enjoy being left alone in the apartment, even if it was just for a few minutes when Elsa had to throw out the trash or run an errand. Elsa had to sneak out most mornings to go to work so she didn’t have to deal with his tantrums. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” Elsa said with her most soothing voice, as she kneeled down and stroked his black and white fur, “I’ll be back soon, you won’t even notice I’m gone.”

Olaf kept looking at her, and meowing, loudly. Elsa laughed and picked him up, walking back to her living room and setting him in the couch. 

“Be good,” she said to him, and finally walked out of her door and apartment complex. As predicted, the weather was cold and crisp, and the dark clouds in the night sky were seemingly preparing for a massive storm. Elsa grabbed her umbrella a little bit more tightly and began walking in the direction of the bar, pleasing cold air on her face.

* * *

As Elsa neared the address Honeymaren had sent her, she looked at her watch and saw she still had plenty of time left to be punctual. Like she had predicted, a couple of minutes after walking, rain started pouring. Luckily, Elsa had her umbrella and high waterproof boots to keep her dry. She didn’t care if the boots weren’t the most stylish piece of clothing in her wardrobe, during this time of year she wouldn’t dare leave her house without them. She hated when her feet got wet. Probably everyone hates that, Elsa pondered, as she carefully walked in the rain, avoiding puddles and cobblestones. 

_6:37 pm_ , her watch lighted up, and Elsa tried to calm down. Great, I’m too early, she thought to herself, and slowly began to feel anxious. However, before letting her panic get to her, Elsa saw a bookstore open a few houses away and decided to go inside. Leaving her umbrella at the door, and drying her boots, Elsa looked around the store. It was small, cozy, and most importantly, very dry. Elsa took a breath and walked inside. However, before beginning to browse through the store, she set an alarm in her watch for 6:50 pm. Just to be sure, she quietly said to herself, and began walking around. 

Startled, Elsa felt her watch vibrate and make noise. As she had suspected, she had gotten distracted by the rows of books and hadn’t noticed the time. Before leaving, Elsa scribbled down some titles she was in the store that interested her, so that she could buy them online. A few years back Elsa had stopped buying physical copies of books, considering the environmental impact they had and how much more expensive they were compared to digital versions. After writing them down, Elsa thanked the cashier by the door and exited the store, a little embarrassed she hadn’t bought anything.

Thankfully, the rain had stopped and Elsa could walk quicker. The address was only a block away now, and she wouldn’t arrive early and look like a fool. Taking a deep and controlled breath, Elsa began walking towards the bar. She didn’t know the name, but as she crossed the street, she saw a building with neon lights and a sign advertising karaoke night, so Elsa knew she was in the right place.

“I can do this,” Elsa whispered to herself, and walked towards the entrance. There was a small line forming, but Elsa hung back, remember Honeymaren had told her to meet outside. Walking back to stand next to a lamppost, Elsa saw a woman facing the street, with a dark, long braid and wearing a pair of black jeans and a beige blouse. The woman seemed to be talking on the phone, but Elsa recognized her voice and lean, athletic build. Waiting for her to hang up the phone, Elsa watched Honeymaren from apart. Elsa felt both excited and scared at the same time, but one of those emotions dominated and had Elsa anxiously waiting for her friend to end her call so she could say hello.

Friend? Elsa had just called Honeymaren her friend in her mind. Was that okay? Did Honeymaren think of her as a friend? Elsa could not bring herself to ask Honeymaren that, she would die of embarrassment if she even tried. What if she didn’t answer? Elsa would get the message but would still die inside. But surely Honeymaren thought of her as a friend, since she had accepted to hang out that night. 

After Honeymaren had finished her phone call, Elsa stood a moment watching her from afar. Honeymaren looked around, and thereafter began scrolling though her phone. Elsa saw her tapping her foot and considered maybe Honeymaren wasn’t the most patient of people. Or maybe she has been waiting for a long time, Elsa wondered, and decided to walk over.

“Hello Honeymaren,” Elsa said, as she stood from a sensible distance, but seemed to scare Honeymaren, because she jumped and almost dropped her phone. She turned around and had an annoyed expression on her face. Elsa paled, but before she could apologize, recognition flashed across Honeymaren’s face and she smiled.

“Elsa!” Honeymaren said, laughing and putting her phone in her back pocket, “you scared the spirits out of me!” 

“I-I’m sorry,” Elsa stumbled with her words, unsure of what else to say, “I didn’t mean to scare you, I was just waiting for you to end your call but I didn’t want to eavesdrop…”

“Hey, it’s fine,” Honeymaren said, still with a smile in her face, “I’m fine! Were you waiting too long? I got here a little early so I was just catching up on some calls, work and stuff.”

Elsa finally relaxed, after being worried to death for scaring Honeymaren. Did Honeymaren also like getting places early? Elsa asked herself, trying to suppress a smile. She liked that about people, punctuality. She made sure to remind that to her students more often than not. 

“Oh no, don’t worry, I just got here,” Elsa answered Honeymaren’s question, but couldn’t think of what else to say. As if reading her mind (Elsa began to notice, Honeymaren seemed to do that a lot. Not _read her mind_ , but she was incredibly understanding and perceptive. Elsa liked that, a lot) Honeymaren said:

“Anyways, shall we go inside? We’re here early so we might get a booth.” 

Elsa nodded, and began walking behind Honeymaren towards the entrance. Elsa was about to point out the line near the entrance, but then Honeymaren approached what Elsa could only assume was the bouncer. She whispered something in his ear, and he laughed, throwing his head back and patting Honeymaren in her shoulder. Elsa still hung back, unsure is she should join them in their conversation or wait to be called. 

“Hey, Elsa,” Honeymaren yelled, getting Elsa’s attention and motioning with her hand for her to go where she was standing, “meet Andreas, we go way back. Andreas, this is Elsa, a friend.”

“Nice to meet you, Elsa,” Andreas said, extending a muscular and tattooed arm towards her, waiting for Elsa to shake his hand. However, Elsa stood where she was, and tried to hide her hands behind her back. 

“It’s nice to meet you, too,” Elsa said, in the most polite tone she could muster, and hoped Andreas wasn’t offended from her not shaking his hand. 

“My brother hates handshakes too,” Andreas said, laughing again, before addressing Honeymaren again. Elsa exhaled, thankful the man had understood her and not forced himself on her with an unwelcome hug or said anything inappropriate. She had experienced enough of those things with men, causing her to always be wary around them and keep her distance. 

Elsa couldn’t explain rationally why she hated handshakes so much. Sure, there were germs, a lot of them, in human hands, but that wasn’t what bothered her. She had never considered herself germaphobic, and she understood everyone had microbes in and on their bodies. No, I don’t care about that, Elsa considered. There was something else about touching strangers that made Elsa feel uncomfortable, ever since she was young enough to remember. 

“Elsa?” she heard Honeymaren ask, and when she found her eyes, she noticed she was standing near the door, holding it open, “you coming?”

“Right, yes,” Elsa said, nodding once again at Andreas, who was smiling at them, and walked towards the door that Honeymaren was holding open for her, “sorry.”

“Do you zone out often?” Honeymaren asked, looking at her as they walked into the bar. Elsa noticed her tone wasn’t accusatory, and Honeymaren did not seem insulted. Elsa considered she was simply curious and wanted to get to know Elsa better. At least, I hope that’s it, Elsa thought. 

“Sorry,” Elsa cringed, scolding herself mentally, “I lose myself in thought, sometimes.”

“Don’t apologize!” Honeymaren said, smiling earnestly, “you look cute when you do that. Your nose kind of scrunches up.”

Elsa blushed, completely blindsided. She had _never_ been good at receiving compliments (not that she got that many, if she was being honest). What was one supposed to say to that? Was Elsa supposed to compliment Honeymaren back? All the social etiquette that came with having friends and hanging out was confusing and exhausting. 

“So, what are you having?” Honeymaren said, distracting Elsa from her internal dilemma. Elsa did not fully comprehend what Honeymaren was asking her, so she just stood there looking at her.

“What do you want to drink?” Honeymaren asked, with a warm smile and twinkling eyes. 

“Oh, right,” Elsa replied, and prepared herself for what she was about to say next, “Actually, um, I don’t really drink. Alcohol, I mean, I don’t drink alcohol.”

“Oh, may I ask why?”

_Because alcohol makes me panicky and sometimes that panic is so overwhelming that it brings back the most traumatic experience of my life. That’s not fun_. No, she couldn’t say that to Honeymaren, so instead she just answered:

“I don’t like the taste, that’s all.”

“Oh, okay, sure. You should still get something to drink though, we’re going to sing so much your throat will be dry as a desert.”

“Right, well, then, a club soda would be nice.”

“Great,” Honeymaren said, and raised her hand to get the attention of the bartender, “we’ll have two club sodas for booth 4, please.”

Elsa looked at Honeymaren inquisitively. But, before she could ask her anything, Honeymaren simply shrugged and said:

“I thought it would be better in a booth,” se said, motioning with her hand for Elsa to follow her, “more private.”

Elsa nodded, and smiled at Honeymaren. She hand’t even considered the fact that most karaokes imply people singing in front of a crowd and most likely making a fool of themselves. Elsa hand’t thought how much she did _not_ want to do that. Gratitude washed all over her for Honeymaren, and she understood she was trying to make her comfortable.

Following Honeymaren through the bar, Elsa coaxed herself to relax. She wasn’t used to being in dark places, with so many people, and that made her anxious. However, seeing Honeymaren walking in front of her, and from time to time turning back to smile at her, made Elsa feel a bit more at ease. Besides, the thought of not having to sing in front of all these people also made Elsa feel tranquil.

“This is us,” said Honeymaren, beaming at Elsa and holding open the door for her. 

“How chivalrous,” Elsa laughed, and walked into the booth. The room was small, had a couple of couches, a flat screen TV hanging in the wall and partially tinted windows. There was a small table in the center of the room, with a big folder a some cordless microphones. Walking around the room, Elsa noticed how clean it was, and immediately relaxed into one of the couches. 

“This is nice,” Elsa said, looking at Honeymaren, who had begun browsing the folder of songs. After selecting an 80s rock classic, their singing began.

* * *

In the wake of almost 3 hours of singing and laughing, Elsa was exhausted. However, she was also ecstatic. She had enjoyed herself tremendously, and couldn’t remember a time before that night when she had let herself loose so easily, with someone she barely knew. No, this has never happened before, Elsa thought as she laughed with Honeymaren, who was kneeling down on the floor passionately singing. 

“I’m beat,” Honeymaren said, collapsing on the couch next to Elsa and laughing, almost out of breath after singing her last song, “this was fun, right?”

“I had an amazing time,” Elsa said truthfully, looking at Honeymaren and taking a sip of her soda, “thank you, Honeymaren.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for,” Honeymaren said, smiling and standing from the couch, offering a hand to help Elsa up, “but we should get going, I think, like me, you have an early day tomorrow.”

“Yes, you’re right,” Elsa said, and looked at Honeymaren’s extended hand. She didn’t know if it was the euphoria from the fun they were having, or how comfortable Honeymaren made her feel, but for some reason Elsa didn’t find the concept of taking her hand unbearable. After pulling her up from the couch, Honeymaren beamed at Elsa and let go of her hand, seemingly understanding Elsa’s boundaries with physical contact. 

Smiling shyly, Elsa followed Honeymaren outside of the bar. The sky was starless, the air was cold and the streets were mostly empty. Still, Elsa felt happy. She had just made a friend, a good one at that. She had just gone out and enjoyed herself with said friend, and none of the horrible scenarios Elsa had dreamed up in her head had come true. 

Elsa was just about to turn to Honeymaren to thank her again for a great night, but went she was going to speak, she noticed her friend was gone. Startled, Elsa saw Honeymaren close to the sidewalk, moving her arms violently and almost screaming. Curious, Elsa walked over and tried to figure out what she was doing.

“I’m trying to hail you a cab,” Honeymaren said, after seeing Elsa looking at her with an intrigued expression in her face, her head to the side, “but at this time of night, it’s gonna be a pain.”

“Oh, well, what about you?” Elsa asked, flattered that Honeymaren was looking for a ride for her and not herself, “how are you getting home?”

“Don’t worry about it, I only live a couple of blocks away.”

“Right, well, I can also walk home, it’s not that far,” Elsa said, as she looked down the empty street and then at Honeymaren’s frustrated expression.

“Do you want to walk home?” Honeymaren asked, dropping her arm and looking at her, “where do you live?”

“I live close to the university,” Elsa responded, feeling the air in her cheeks and her lips dry. The night really had gotten colder in just a few hours. Winter is close, Elsa thought, as she took a deep breath and let herself enjoy the wintry feeling in her cheeks. 

“Uh… I’m not sure that’s a good idea, that’s like 30 blocks away, and it’s getting dark-” Honeymaren said, but didn’t finish. Suddenly, she stepped closer to the street and put her fingers to her mouth, whistling loudly and getting the attention of a taxi turning in the corner.  
The taxi soon approached them and the driver opened the back seat for them.

“Your chariot, madame,” Honeymaren joked, laughing as she held the door open for Elsa once again.

“Oh, thank you,” said Elsa, too shy to continue the joke, standing still in the sidewalk, shifting her weight from one foot to the other “Are you sure? I could wait for another, besides, it’s more like 20 blocks, not 30. You should take this one.”

“It would be pointless,” Honeymaren laughed, insisting with her hands for Elsa to get in the cab, “I literally live in that building, right to the church, with the red balconies.”

Elsa looked towards where Honeymaren was pointing, and saw the building she was talking about. It looked to be about 5 stories tall, and although Elsa thought it could be dangerous for Honeymaren to walk alone at night, it did seem very close by. Resigned but very thankful, Elsa finally nodded and got in the taxi. 

“Text me so I know you got home safe,” Honeymaren said, closing the car door carefully behind Elsa.

“I will,” Elsa said, fixing her jacket and rolling down the window so she could talk to Honeymaren better, “You too.”

“Bye Elsa,” Honeymaren said, walking away from the cab and waving at her.

“Goodbye, thank you for everything,” Elsa tried saying, but the driver was already driving away from the bar.


	9. Texting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa has the biggest crush, but it will take a while before she realizes it. Don’t worry though! It’s coming, soon! This chapter is a little shorter than usual, sorry about that.

Thursday night, September 30th 

Honeymaren Nattura: _Got home ok?_ 23:09.

Elsa read the text message and immediately covered her eyes with her hand, embarrassed. After getting home Elsa had been in such a rush to get ready for bed that the thought of texting Honeymaren had completely slipped her mind. However, Elsa stared at her phone and her mind blanked. She had never texted with anyone besides Anna and every so often, Kristoff. All of her academic interactions took place via email, and back in high school and college, she only interacted with the few friends she had at the school. 

Texting Anna was simple, she didn’t need to mince her words or think about how she would react, they knew and understood each other so well that Elsa could easily predict most things Anna would answer, and vice versa. Texting Kristoff was straightforward, and it usually had something to do with Anna or Ingrid. Only once had Kristoff asked Elsa via text to take care of Sven, and Elsa agreed because she couldn’t bring herself to deny him. Needless to say, taking care of a 200 pound dog in her shoebox apartment with an asocial cat was not something she was eager to relive. 

Elsa: ~~Just got home! What about you?~~ No, that wasn’t true. 

Elsa: ~~Yeah! I’m home, thank you!~~ No, that sounded way too cold and detached. Ha, like I haven’t heard those before, Elsa laughed quietly. 

Elsa: _Got home about half an hour ago, was getting ready for bed. Hope you got home safe, goodnight!_ 23:21.

Yeah, that will do, Elsa thought, and put her phone away before she could overthink it, delete the message and start over. However, as she was getting ready to fall asleep, Elsa heard her phone vibrating from afar. Elsa looked up at her ceiling from her bed, and debated with herself as to whether she should pick up her phone or not. She had an 8 am class the next day, her earliest class in the week, so it would’ve been sensible for her to go to sleep right then and there.

However, curiosity got the best of her, and she reached out to her nightstand to just look at her phone and read the message, then instantly go to sleep. She would respond in the morning, she was sure Honeymaren would understand. Unlocking her phone and adjusting the screen brightness, Elsa read.

Honeymaren Nattura: _Im glad, u had me scared there for a second :P_ 23:23.

Honeymaren Nattura: _I hope u had a good time, I loove karaoke :)_ 23:24.

Well, damn it, Elsa thought, now I need to respond to that. Sitting up in her bed, Elsa put on her glasses and adjusted her eyes to the screen. Wearing contacts to bed was something she would try her best to avoid, the feeling of dryness made her sick. With her eyes accustomed to the bright blue light, she began typing. Like with her previous text, Elsa had to write and rewrite it 3 times before she felt it was good enough to send. 

Elsa: _I had a wonderful time, I didn’t know you were secretly a singer._ 23:27.

Honeymaren Nattura: _Me? Ur the singer! Ur voice is incredible! :O_ 23:28.

Elsa: _Oh, I don’t know. I did have a great time though, thank you, truly._ 23:34.

Honeymaren Nattura: _What? Ur out of ur mind, ur voice is beautiful, I wish I could sing like that :(_ 23:35.

Elsa laughed, she appreciated Honeymaren’s way of texting. She replied quickly and used _a lot_ of emoticons. Elsa thought that was cute. Elsa only hoped Honeymaren didn’t perceive her as frigid or uninterested, she knew many people thought of her that way. 

Elsa was very much interested in having Honeymaren as a friend, but coming up with a response quickly that wasn’t half-baked was harder than she thought. However, as the texts kept coming in, Elsa relaxed into the conversations and began replying quicker, not giving herself the opportunity to overthink every single word she was typing. 

And, before she knew it, she had fallen asleep with her phone in her hand. When she awoke, her phone was still in her hand, and was vibrating violently, her alarm startling her. Checking her messages, she had two unread from Honeymaren and about 10 from Anna. Although she really wanted to read them, she knew she had to get ready for work, so she locked her phone and began her morning routine. 

At exactly 7:30 am, Elsa was sitting in her office desk with hot coffee; she hadn’t slept that much the night before, and she was sure she looked as terrible as she felt. Although she tried to cover her dark circles with concealer, her sunken eyes and tired gaze surely gave her away. Remembering the reason for her late night, Elsa smiled and fished her phone out of her bag. She first looked at Honeymaren’s last text, and grinned as she reread their conversation.

Honeymaren had asked her if she had any pets (Honeymaren didn’t have any, their landlord didn’t allow any animals), and Elsa had told her the story of how she found Olaf. She told her how, once when she was out on a walk during winter, maybe six years prior, she had heard meowing from afar. After looking around, Elsa had found a small cardboard box near some bushes and inside, the smallest kitten she had ever seen. He was so tiny, that his eyes were still closed. Elsa couldn’t believe how he was still alive, and when she picked him up he was cold as snow and shivering. With the kitten inside of her jacket, Elsa had brought him home with her and he had lived in her apartment ever since. 

Elsa didn’t think of Olaf as a pet, she considered him more as a housemate. As long as he thought Elsa was around, Olaf was pretty independent. He played by himself with toys Elsa had gotten for him over the years and seemed to enjoy himself the most basic of things, like a box or old receipts. It was only when he heard Elsa’s keys that he got stressed out. 

Remembering how only that morning Elsa had to trick Olaf to go to the balcony and distract him with food, for her to quietly leave and not alarm him, Elsa chuckled. He was a strange cat, but Elsa loved him to pieces and couldn’t imagine how boring her life would be without him around. After reading her’s and Honeymaren’s conversation, Elsa reached the message she had missed the night before.

Honeymaren Nattura: _That’s so cute! But I don’t know, cats… They’re kind of jerks, aren’t they?_ 00:38. 

Honeymaren Nattura: _I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love all animals. But there’s something about cats… I don’t trust them that much._ 00:39.

Elsa laughed out loud at Honeymaren’s messages, and quickly typed in an answer.

Elsa: _Sorry! I fell asleep!_ 7:33.

Elsa: _Some cats, sure, but Olaf is the sweetest, you’d love him if you met him._ 7:34.

Without thinking much about what she had written or the implications behind it, Elsa read Anna’s messages. They consisted mostly of “OMG”s and a lot of ineligible sentences. However, Elsa easily understood Anna was asking her about last night, and was incredibly excited about the fact Elsa had made a friend _and_ had gone out with them. Quickly telling Anna about her about the karaoke and the talking. For some reason, Elsa thought it best to skip the texting until almost 1 am part. After nearly 15 minutes of back and forth texting with her sister, Elsa said goodbye and began to get ready for her 8 am lecture. 

However, as she was locking her door from the outside, Elsa felt her phone vibrate in her bag. Before taking it out, Elsa looked at her watch. _7:49 am_ it read, and Elsa examined her situation. The classroom was pretty close, it was in the third floor of the same building, and she usually waited for all, or most, of her students to arrive before beginning her class. Considering it usually took between 5 or 10 minutes for the classroom to fill up, Elsa decided to rush and wait there. Elsa did not miss the ridiculousness of her situation, and wondered since when she started acting like a teenager.

Taking a seat in front of the room and saying hello to the few students that were already in their seats, Elsa took out her phone and read her latest message.

Honeymaren Nattura: _I would love to meet him._ 7:49.

And, without giving herself time to consider an answer, Elsa simply typed and sent her response. 

Elsa: _You should, he would love you._ 7:54.

Elsa knew that probably wasn’t true. Having been raised by Elsa alone, Olaf wasn’t keen on strangers. It had taken her almost two years for him to be comfortable around Anna and Kristoff, and a couple of months with baby Ingrid, and he still only seemed to like Ingrid and Elsa. With Anna and Kristoff, although he didn’t feel the need to hide whenever they were in the apartment, he kept his distance and had never allowed either one of them to pet him. Still, knowing all of that, Elsa wanted to reassure Honeymaren, she wanted her to think he would like her. No, he would _love_ her, she had said. She didn’t quite know why.


	10. Dinner Part 1

Monday morning, October 25th 

Elsa stood from her desk, stretching her arms and back. Midterm week was finally over, but now Elsa had the task of grading nearly 300 exams, and although Ryder could help with things like the multiple choice questions, Elsa was in charge of the longer, more tiresome ones. Why do I keep designing tests like this? Elsa asked herself, remembering the long hours she spent every semester grading tests. 

Luckily, just as Elsa was about to take out a new pile of papers, her phone rang. Tired and thankful for the distraction, Elsa fished her phone out of her desk drawer and answered, reading her sister’s name in big letters in her screen. 

“Hi Anna,” Elsa said, relaxing into her chair and forgetting about her responsibilities for just a moment, “how are you?”

“Elsa!” Anna shrieked into the phone, “I’m great! You? How’s work?”

“Everything’s fine,” Elsa responded, humming in agreement, “a lot of stuff going on, but I’m managing.”

“Right, that’s great,” Anna said, and Elsa got the feeling she wasn’t paying that much attention to her, “So, I have a proposition for you.”

“I’m listening,” Elsa said slowly, sitting up in her chair, intrigued.

“You should invite Honeymaren to dinner.”

“What?” Elsa said, almost jumping from her chair, unsure she had heard Anna correctly.

“I said, you should ask Honeymaren to come here on Thursday night, to dinner.”

“Uh…” Elsa whispered, confused and for some reason, a little scared. Why was she scared about inviting her friend to dinner? She had no idea, but the feeling was bubbling up inside of her at an alarming rate. Unsure of what to say and trying to steady her breath, Elsa remained quiet, and after a couple of seconds of silence, Anna finally spoke:

“Honeymaren, you know who she is?”

“Yes Anna,” Elsa said, a little annoyed, “I know who she is.”

“And she’s your friend, yes?”

“Yes…”

“But for some reason, I haven’t met her yet!” 

“Oh…” Elsa whispered, unsure of what else to say to her sister. 

“You’ve been friends for ever Elsa, and I am dying to met her!”

“Oh Anna, we’ve known each other for barely a month, I don’t know her that well. Besides, I doubt she’d wanna go.”

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?” Anna asked, and if Elsa wasn’t incorrect, her sister was sounding a little bit angry. 

“I just mean, we’re not that close and she probably has things to do, and-”

“Elsa, shut up” Anna said, sternly, “you made a friend, and I want to meet her. You’ve been hanging out every week! Just ask her, if she says no, then she says no.”

“ _Fiiine_ ” Elsa whined, giving in, “I’ll ask her, but don’t be surprised when she says no.”

“Yay!” Anna shrieked once again, nearly deafening Elsa, “I’m so excited to meet her, this is so exciting!”

“Hm…” Elsa murmured, and after saying their goodbyes, Elsa took one deep breath, sinking into her chair and covering her face with her hands. Remembering her breathing exercises, seven breaths, in and out, Elsa began to feel calmer. 

However, she could not understand her reaction to Anna’s request. Why did she get so scared? It was just a dinner at her sister’s house, not a wedding. Besides, Elsa was sure Honeymaren would not be interested in coming to dinner at Anna’s house. She didn’t know her, or Kristoff, and Honeymaren seemed to Elsa like the type of person who wouldn’t want to impose on other people’s lives. 

Still, Elsa liked to keep her word, specially when it came to Anna. So, Elsa braced herself and texted Honeymaren.

Elsa: _Hello Honeymaren, how are you?_ 10:23.

Elsa: _Will you be at the café later today? I have to ask you something._ 10:25.

And before allowing herself to stress over it, Elsa put her phone away. Before stashing it away in her drawer, she made sure to silence it, so she wouldn’t get distracted again. She had a lot of work to get done, and wanted to get the most done she could before leaving for lunch. She sat straight in her chair again and focused on work, and before she knew it, two hours had passed and her stomach was complaining. 

Elsa organized her desk and before leaving, took her phone out of the drawer and turned it on. As it revived, a storm of messages came through, and her phone began vibrating like crazy. Most of the messages were from Anna, pestering her about asking Honeymaren. Elsa didn’t feel the need to respond to those. Reading through the rest, Elsa found 4 messages from Honeymaren.

Honeymaren Nattura: _Hi Elsa, I’m doing great :D What about u?_ 10:32.

Honeymaren Nattura: _Yeah sure, I’ll be there after noon. Why?_ 10:33.

Honeymaren Nattura: _Is something wrong? Should I call u?_ 11:15.

Honeymaren Nattura: _Hope everything is ok, text me if u need anything :)_ 11:31.

Elsa smiled involuntarily. She was glad to have a friend like Honeymaren, she was always present, even if work was chaotic, and she always seemed to _care_. Elsa wasn’t used to that, strangers caring for her, without wanting something in return.

Her friendships in college were scarce, and the few romantic relationships she had ended in turmoil. Her work colleagues, not much of a relationship there. Elsa was polite, and always said ‘hello’ when passing them through the hallways, but she was sure they didn’t care that much for her; she had heard terms like _cold_ or _distant_ being thrown freely around when referring to her. 

Seeing as Honeymaren had confirmed she would be in the café during lunch, Elsa decided to wait to talk to her about Anna and dinner. It would be better in person, Elsa had thought, but now, as she was walking around the streets of downtown, heading towards Blumen, she began to feel the stress grown within her.

“It would’ve been easier on the phone,” Elsa said to no one in particular, taking a deep breath and walking between the two terracotta pots and gigantic plastic sunflowers. 

After ordering her food from Ellen, Elsa asked her:

“Ellen, is Honeymaren here?”

“Yes she is!” Ellen responded, a little too excitedly, “if you want you can take a seat and I’ll fetch her, I think she’s in the back.”

“That would be great, thank you.”

Elsa smiled at Ellen, but she was already rushing towards the back of the café, walking through the blue door and disappearing behind it. Elsa shrugged and walked towards her usual table, placing her bag in a chair and looking through it for her book. After locating it, Elsa took a seat and began reading, wanting to take a break from grading exams and re-reading for the 30th time the definition of Milankovich cycles. Being lost on the world of Orwell’s farm animals, Elsa didn’t notice the person sitting across from her until they placed their hands on her book and softly took it from her.

“Hey,” Honeymaren smiled at her, giving her back her book and blushing the slightest bit, “you were kind of gone there.”

“Oh my god, Honeymaren,” Elsa said, embarrassed and feeling her ears redden, “how long were you sitting there? I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay Elsa,” Honeymaren laughed, “I didn’t want to interrupt your reading, but after you didn’t hear me the first few times I said hello…”

“God, I don’t want you to think I’m indifferent, I just get lost in my head sometimes.”

“Pff, don’t worry about it. So, what’s up? How are you?”

“I’m fine, thank you. You?”

“I’m good…” Honeymaren said, looking at Elsa inquiringly, tilting her head to the side and remaining quiet, as if she was waiting for her to say something.

“So, you said you wanted to ask me something,” Honeymaren finally spoke, placing her hands in the table in front of her. 

“Yes, right,” Elsa said, breathing deeply and preparing herself, “I’ve told you about my sister, right?”

“Anna? Yes, you’ve talked about her,” Honeymaren said, smiling, “you two seem close.”

“We are. Well, anyways, the thing is, we usually have dinner together, Thursday nights, at her and her husband’s place.”

“That’s nice.”

“Yes, she’s great. I was wondering, well I mean, she said to ask you, if you can, I mean, I understand if your busy or don’t want to come-”

“Hey, Elsa,” Honeymaren said softly, placing her hand next to Elsa, but not quite touching her, “I’m not following.”

“Argh, I’m sorry, I’m horrible at this,” Elsa said, blushing profusely and covering her eyes with one hand. The other, however, remained next to Honeymaren’s on the table. Exhaling slowly, Elsa tried to calm down. The heat radiating next to her right hand was not hurting, Elsa accepted. 

“Anna told me to ask you to come to dinner, this Thursday,” Elsa finally spoke, placing her hand back in front of her and looking at Honeymaren directly, “just if you want to, that is.”

“Oh…” Honeymaren said, and Elsa paled. She didn’t want to! Elsa had thought, but before she could apologize for putting her in an uncomfortable position, Honeymaren finished her sentence.

“Oh Elsa, I would love to!”

“Re-really?” Elsa said, surprised. 

“Of course! I would love to meet your family!”

“Oh, well, okay then. I’ll tell Anna you said yes…”

“Great! Should I bring anything?”

“No! Don’t worry about it, just bring…yourself, I guess. I’ll text you the address”

“Right,” Honeymaren said, laughing and standing from the chair opposite to Elsa, “I’ll bring myself, then. I’ll let you get back to your reading. See you tomorrow?”

“Yes, I’ll be here,” Elsa responded, looking up at Honeymaren, who was adjusting her apron in front of her, “see you.”

Elsa waved at Honeymaren, who was walking away towards the kitchen of the café. Elsa exhaled, and tried to focus again on her reading. However, something made it impossible for her to focus again on the story. Elsa was feeling a certain why, but as was usual with her, she wasn’t entirely sure what it was. Was she feeling excited about Thursday? Scared? She couldn’t tell, but remembering Honeymaren had agreed, Elsa took out her phone and called Anna to inform her.


	11. Dinner Part 2

Thursday night, October 28th

“Elsa!” Anna screamed from the kitchen, startling Elsa, who was sitting down in the floor of Anna’s and Kristoff’s living room, playing with Ingrid and Sven.

“Coming!” Elsa called back, standing and giving an apologetic smile to Ingrid, “I’ll be back in a minute!”

“Okay!” Ingrid said, preoccupied with her toys and not paying much attention to her aunt. Elsa laughed and smacked a kiss on her little blond head. Giggling, Ingrid looked up at her and grinned, making Elsa’s heart melt.

“What is it, Anna?” Elsa asked, walking into the kitchen where her sister was pacing around, with a panicked expression in her face.

“Elsa! I didn’t ask you if Honeymaren was allergic to something, or if she has any food restrictions,” Anna said, panicking even more, “We made all of this food! What if she can’t eat any of it! I’m the worst host ever!”

“Anna, relax,” Elsa laughed, “Honeymaren is the most uncomplicated person I’ve ever met, I’m sure she’ll eat and love anything we serve her.”

“You really think so?” Anna asked, stoping her pacing and standing in front of her sister, “well, the food is almost ready, do you think she’ll be here soon?”

“Yeah, she texted me a while back saying she was already on her way.”

“Great!” Anna exclaimed, and began getting out plates from the cupboards. Elsa stood next to her and began helping, taking out the cutlery from one of the drawers and placing them over some fancy napkins Anna had bought the day before.

“So, are you excited?” Anna asked, walking with Elsa towards the dinning room, where they began to set the table.

“About what?” Elsa asked, focused more on the dinning table than on her sister.

“About Honeymaren coming over! I’m over the moon, I can’t believe I’m going to meet one of your _friends_!”

“Oh…” Elsa said, looking up and seeing her sister beaming at her, “I mean, I don’t know, should I be?”

“Yeah! This is so exciting! You’ve never brought someone over for dinner here, I’m dying to meet new people, specially if they’re your people!”

“What?” Elsa asked, terrified, almost dropping the crystal glasses she was holding, “What did you say?”

Did Anna think Honeymaren and her were anything more than friends? Was she implying Elsa was… gay? What the hell did she mean by “her people”? Beginning to feel a panic attack rising, from the mere thought of Anna thinking she could be anything but straight, Elsa sat down and began breathing deeply.

“Hey!” Anna said, with a preoccupied look in her face, “I just meant, I’m so happy to meet new people, people who are your friends. I don’t remember the last time you introduced me to someone.”

“Yes, well, don’t get used to it,” Elsa said, calming down a little after she realized Anna wasn’t implying anything else. Before she could say anything, and chuckling at Anna’s mock offended expression, the doorbell rang.

Elsa could see Anna bursting with joy, and before she could even stand from her chair, her sister was already running towards the door. Smiling to herself, Elsa stood and watched Anna from afar as she opened the door. 

“Kristoff!” Anna yelled, opening the door, “Elsa’s friend is here! Come say hi!”

Elsa laughed and began walking towards the door, as Honeymaren appeared behind it with something in her hands. 

“Oh my god, are you Honeymaren?” Anna asked, taking her jacket and beanie from her, and motioning for her to walk inside the house, “I’m Anna, it’s _soo_ nice to finally meet you!”

“Yes, I am, hello” Honeymaren said, with a warm smile in her face, “It’s great to meet you too, Elsa talks about you a lot.”

“Ditto!” Anna exclaimed, a little too loud for Elsa’s taste, and guided Honeymaren towards the dinning room, where Elsa stood watching them. After Anna’s embarrassing revelation and Honeymaren’s presence, Elsa had begun to blush deeply, and had to cover her face with her hands and take a few deep breaths to cool herself down. 

“What’s that?” Anna asked, referring to the box Honeymaren was holding.

“Oh, it’s just a little thing I brought, I hope you don’t mind. Elsa told me to not bring anything, but I thought it would’ve been rude to come here empty handed.”

“You’re so nice!” Anna yelled again, and took the box Honeymaren was holding out for her. Opening it, Anna’s eyes grew wide and she exclaimed: “Chocolate cake? This looks fantastic… and smells even better!”

“Oh, it was nothing,” Honeymaren said, blushing a little herself. After walking towards the dinning table and helping Anna set the cake, Honeymaren’s eyes met with Elsa’s and she smiled.

“Hello, Elsa,” Honeymaren said, walking towards her.

“Hi,” Elsa said shyly, trying her best to hide her blushing cheeks, “I told you to just bring yourself.”

“I know, but I wanted to bring dessert. I’m guessing your sister likes chocolate as much as you do.”

“I think she likes it more than me,” Elsa giggled, and blushed again. She was a grown, 26 year old woman, and here she was giggling and feeling anxious like a teenager. Elsa didn’t understand what about this situation was making her feel that way, people met their family’s friends all the time, it was not a big deal. 

“More?” Honeymaren asked, laughing herself, “I don’t think that’s possible.” 

But, before Elsa could reply, she heard Kristoff coming from the back of the house, with Ingrid in his arms and Sven behind them.

“Hi!” Kristoff said, approaching Elsa and Honeymaren, “I’m Kristoff, it’s nice to meet you! I would shake your hand, but, you know…”

Ingrid laughed as Kristoff tickled her ribs, and tried to introduce herself as well, but between her giggles, it came out like unintelligible babble. Behind them, Sven began approaching Honeymaren and sniffing her feet. After a few seconds of inspection, Sven seemed to decide Honeymaren was trustworthy and began wagging his tail excitedly. 

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Honeymaren said, smiling and patting Sven’s head, who was already trying to reach up to her with his front paws, “I’m Honeymaren.”

“I know! Elsa talks about you, a lot.”

“And on that note,” Elsa said, embarrassed and looking accusingly at Kristoff, “I think dinner is ready, why don’t we take a seat?”

Elsa insisted on Honeymaren sit down while they set the table, but she had refused, and instead insisted on helping them. While Kristoff and Anna served the food, Elsa and Honeymaren set the plates on the table and served the drinks. After everything was set, the four of them finally sat and began to eat. Well, five of them, but little Ingrid couldn’t hold still for long, and after Kristoff had fed her a couple of spoonfuls of soup, she had run away with Sven to the living room.

“This all tastes amazing,” Honeymaren said between bites, “Thank you again for having me over.”

“It’s our pleasure!” Anna said, with a gigantic grin in her face, “We’re so happy you could come.”

“So, how did you two meet?” Kristoff asked, looking at Honeymaren and then at Elsa.

“Honeymaren cooks at a café I’ve been going to, we met there,” Elsa said simply, and anxious to change the subject, she asked Kristoff: “how was your seminar?”

“Oh, it was fine,” Kristoff responded, a little deflated but seemingly understanding Elsa wanted to talk about something else, “took longer than I was expecting, but it turned out well.”

“Kristoff is a vet,” Anna explained to Honeymaren, “he gives this super important seminars to universities from _so_ many countries, he’s like a rockstar.” 

“Really?” Honeymaren asked, trying to stifle her laughter after hearing Anna call him a rockstar, “that’s cool. My brother is studying to become a vet, as well.”

“I mean, I’m no longer practicing, I just give this web seminars from time to time,” Kristoff explained, pushing his empty plate to the side, “ever since Ingrid was home I decided to stay home.”

“That’s sweet,” Honeymaren said, more serious this time, “and what was today’s one about?” 

“It was about reindeer _sex_ ,” Anna said, laughing and looking at Elsa. Elsa laughed as well, and looked apologetically at Kristoff, who was looking at them with an annoyed expression.

“It was about _female reindeer mating behaviors_ ,” Kristoff said slowly, seemingly more to Anna than Honeymaren.

All of the sudden, Elsa and Anna bursted out in laughter, and soon enough, the whole table was laughing. Elsa couldn’t help but sneak looks at Honeymaren, who was sitting across from her and trying to cover her snickering with her hands. Elsa noticed how her cheeks were flustered and her eyes, twinkling. Although she tried to suppress it, Honeymaren’s shoulders were shaking from laughing, and as she looked around the table, her eyes landed in Elsa. They shared a private smile, and in that moment, the only thought that passed through Elsa’s mind was: _She’s beautiful_. 

Hold up, Elsa thought, feeling slightly alarmed. Excusing herself to go to the bathroom, Elsa stood and walked away from the table. As she entered the small bathroom in her sister’s house, Elsa looked at herself in the mirror. Her cheeks were tinted with a subtle shade of pink, and the muscles in her face were sore from smiling. Feeling hot, and anxious, Elsa cooled her face with cold water and thought about what had just happened.

She had thought Honeymaren was beautiful. Was that weird? Elsa asked herself, afraid. No, she convinced herself, that’s not weird. People have friends, and it’s completely normal for them to think their friends are beautiful. Right? It wasn’t like she had much experience in the subject, but she had seen TV, she had watched movies, she had read books… They seemed to indicate complimenting each other was an important aspect of friendships, especially does between women.

Having assured herself it was just friendliness, Elsa exited the bathroom and walked back to the table. There, Anna was already cutting the cake and asking Honeymaren all the details of the recipe. 

“You made it?” Elsa asked, surprised, but then remembered all of the amazing desserts Honeymaren had added to Blumen’s menu, and shook her head, smiling. Of course she made it, Elsa thought. 

“She was just telling me all of those desserts you’ve had, Elsa,” Anna said, serving each one of them a huge slice of the chocolate cake. 

“Yes,” Elsa agreed, sitting down again, this time in the chair next to Honeymaren because the one she had occupied before had been moved by Anna to access the cake better, “Honeymaren is an amazing cook.”

“Oh, I’m okay,” said Honeymaren, her cheeks pink and gaze looking down at her hands, “besides, the recipe is stupidly easy, anyone could make it.”

“Wait!” Anna yelled, and forcefully took the plate Elsa was holding, “Honeymaren, I’m so sorry. I’m sure your cake tastes as amazing as it smells, but… well, I don’t think you can eat it, Elsa.”

“What are you talking about, Anna?” Elsa only laughed, and took the plate back to taste the cake, “it’s not like Honeymaren poisoned it or something.”

“What if it has…” Anna whispered to Elsa, but Elsa was certain everyone in the table could hear her perfectly, “you know, animal… _things_.”

“Oh no!” Honeymaren said, smiling proudly, “it doesn’t have any animal products, Elsa told me she’s vegan.”

“Oh, she did,” Anna said, relaxing into her chair, but then did a double take, “wait, she did?”

“Yes, I did,” Elsa said, looking directly at Anna, “why is that so surprising?”

“No no, don’t get me wrong,” Anna said with pleading eyes, “it’s not, I just meant, you usually don’t-”

But instead of continuing, Anna and Kristoff shared a quiet glance and Kristoff shook his head so subtly Elsa was sure Honeymaren hadn’t noticed. Thereafter, Anna seemingly decided it would be best to forget the rest of the sentence and eat her cake. Elsa huffed, knowing full well was Anna was going to say, but thankful Kristoff convinced her to forget it, specially considering Honeymaren was there. Elsa did _not_ want to be embarrassed by her little sister in front of her new friend. My only friend, really, Elsa thought. 

After that small incident, the night finished smoothly. When they finished the cake, Kristoff offered to make coffee, but both Elsa and Honeymaren declined. They both had early mornings the next day and had to get going. As they were finishing with the dishes (which, again, Honeymaren insisted to help with, even if Anna had refused profusely), Elsa sneaked into Ingrid’s room to say goodbye to her niece. The little girl was already sleep in her crib, so Elsa kissed her softly in the head, trying not to wake her. 

“Right, well,” Elsa said, getting her things from the living room and putting on her jacket, “thank you for everything.”

“Wait,” Anna asked from the kitchen, as she packed leftovers for Elsa, “how are you getting home? The buses stopped running almost an hour ago.”

“I’ll just call a taxi,” Elsa said, walking into the kitchen and helping her sister drying the last plates and putting them.

“I can take you home,” Honeymaren said, as she put on her jacket and beanie in the hallway, “I drove my car here.”

“Great!” Anna answered for Elsa, and began shoving her sister into the hallway, were Honeymaren was saying her goodbyes to Kristoff. 

“No, no,” Elsa said, unsure why her sister was pushing her out of her house and not wanting to take advantage of Honeymaren, “you don’t have to do that, I can easily call a cab.”

“Nonsense!” Anna yelled, and after hugging both of them, nearly pushed them out of the door, “Honeymaren can drive you, she just said so! Bye bye! Text me when you get home, Elsa. Love you!”

And before Elsa could even reply, Anna closed the door in their faces. Elsa was surprised, to say the least. Smiling apologetically, she turned to look at Honeymaren and apologize for her sister’s behavior.

“I’m sorry,” Elsa said, walking towards the sidewalk, “she can be…intense, sometimes.”

“Don’t worry,” Honeymaren said, looking for something in her bag as she walked next to Elsa, “I think she’s lovely. Her husband and daughter too, they make such a sweet family.”

“Yeah, they do,” Elsa responded, and before she knew it, they were both standing in front of a red car, parked in the street across from her sister’s house.

“C’mon,” Honeymaren said, unlocking the car with a pair of keys she had pulled out of her bag and getting in, “let’s go, it’s getting late.”

“Honeymaren,” Elsa said, hugging herself and taking one step back from the car, “You don’t have to drive me home, really.”

“Hey,” she said, stepping out of the car, and approaching Elsa, “I want to. Let’s go.”

Taking Elsa’s bag from her hands, Honeymaren got into her car once again and turned it on. She rolled down her window and called out to her, saying:

“Get in here! You’re gonna freeze standing there.”

Exhaling, Elsa gave in and walked around the car, opening the passenger door and getting in. The car was already warmer that the outside, and Elsa could see how organized and clean it was. Smiling at Honeymaren, Elsa fastened her seatbelt and nodded. After giving Honeymaren directions to her building, Honeymaren changed gears and began driving

The drive downtown was quiet. Honeymaren had put on music, and hadn’t tried to establish any conversation, only a few times did she ask if Elsa was comfortable. Elsa, for her part, had answered _yes_ to all of them. She enjoyed the fact that they could share a pleasant silence together, and that neither of them felt the need to fill the quiet with meaningless conversation. 

“Here we are,” Honeymaren said, stopping the car and turning it off. However, before Elsa could thank her, Honeymaren had gotten out of the car. Confused, Elsa quickly got out as well and walked to Honeymaren, who was standing with her back resting on the hood of her car and looking up.

“Nice place,” Honeymaren said, nodding, “this building is beautiful.”

“It is,” Elsa said, and turned to face Honeymaren, “thank you. Thank for the drive, and the cake, and, well, everything.”

“It was my pleasure,” Honeymaren responded, removing her gaze from the building and looking at Elsa, who was standing a few feet away from her, “I had a wonderful time.”

Looking at Honeymaren, Elsa promptly took one step closer and hugged her. For a second, Honeymaren stood there, limp, but then hugged Elsa back. Elsa felt her lean yet muscular arms wrap around her, and felt warm all over. She could smell Honeymaren’s shampoo, it reminded her of freshly cut grass and citrus, and could feel the heat radiating from the other woman. Surprised with herself, Elsa took a step back and looked at Honeymaren, who seemed as taken aback. 

“Me, too,” Elsa finally said, blushing, “I had a great time. Goodbye.”

And, instead of waiting for her friend’s response, Elsa turned on her heal and walked towards the entrance of her building. Just as she was opening the front door, she heard Honeymaren call from behind.

“Goodbye, Elsa” she said, and as Elsa turned around to look at her, she saw Honeymaren was grinning and waving, “see you soon!”

Honeymaren then got in her car and turned it on. At the same time, waved back shyly and walked into the building. Closing the door behind her, Elsa tried to breath, but her inhales and exhales were erratic. Had she just hugged Honeymaren? Why? She was _not_ a hugger. Elsa couldn’t remember the last time she had hugged someone different that Anna, Kristoff or Ingrid. She certainly did remember escaping hugs from strangers during her teenage years and twenties. Elsa couldn’t find a reasonable explanation for what she had just done, except for one: _I wanted to hug her_.


	12. Dress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month after the dinner, Elsa goes to a party, Honeymaren is there. Finally, Elsa figures it out.

Friday afternoon, November 26th 

“Anna, I need your help,” Elsa said to her sister through her phone, with a panicked tone and fear rising through her entire body, “I don’t know what to do!”

“Calm down Elsa,” Anna said sweetly, trying to reassure her sister, “I’ll be there in just a few minutes, I’m already on my way.”

“Please hurry,” Elsa pleaded, looking down at her watch, “I only have a couple of hours left.”

“I’m almost there!” Anna exclaimed, and hung up the phone. Exasperated, Elsa threw her phone on the bed and collapsed next to it. 

Looking up at her ceiling, Elsa felt weight shifting next to her in the bed and, when she turned her head, saw Olaf walking towards her, curling up at her side.

“Oh Olaf, what do I do?” Elsa asked him, petting him and getting a quiet purr in response, “the party is at 7 and I have nothing to wear.”

Looking at her, Olaf meowed. He stood, walked around the bed, and curled up again, this time next to Elsa’s right hand.

“Argh, I know I should’ve thought of what to wear sooner! I just saw this thing so far away, it totally slipped my mind!” Elsa exclaimed, brushing her hair with her fingers whilst simultaneously petting Olaf’s black and white fur. 

“If Ryder hand’t reminded me this morning, I totally would’ve missed it. And I don’t think the school would’ve like that… any teacher missing their staff party.”

Again, Olaf looked at Elsa and meowed. Listening to herself, Elsa was surprised, to say the least. She had never cared much for parties, or how she looked, or what she wore. But for some reason, this party was making her feel incredibly worried. 

However, before she could continue ranting to her cat, her doorbell rang. Quickly standing from her bed, Elsa ran to open the door, and found her redheaded sister standing there, with a huge bag hanging from her shoulder. 

“Finally!” Elsa exclaimed, pulling her sister through the door by her elbow and closing it, “what took you so long?”

“Long?” Anna asked, almost offended, “you called like 15 minutes ago! I got here in record time, just so you know. And also, hello dear sister. I am well, how are you?”

“There’s no time for that!” Elsa called, already walking into her room. After noticing her sister hadn’t followed her, Elsa peeked her head through her bedroom door and said: “ _Fiiine_ Hi! How are you Anna? Would you _please_ help me get ready for this party, I have no idea what to do!”

“It would be my pleasure,” Anna said smugly, and finally followed Elsa into her room. Anna plopped down into Elsa’s bed, and in the process ended up scaring the life out of Olaf. The white and black cat jumped from the bed, hissed at the redhead who was now taking up the majority of the bed, and rushed to Elsa, who was anxiously staring at her closet. 

“Oh Anna, I’m so stupid,” Elsa said, resting her head in the wooden door of her door and sighing, “I should call my boss and tell him I’m sick or something.”

“What?!” Anna asked, springing from the bed and standing behind her sister, flipping her around, Anna grabbed Elsa’s face with her hands and said, loudly, “you have to go! I did not come all the way here for you to chicken out!”

“Anna, I don’t even have a dress,” Elsa said, removing her sister’s hands from her face forcefully and motioning towards her clothes hanging from the rack in her closet, “all my clothes look the same.”

“True,” Anna said, inspecting Elsa’s countless neutral blouses and jackets, “but that’s why I am here! I know for a fact you have a perfect dress for tonight.”

Confused, Elsa watched Anna kneel down and pull out a white box hidden behind her shoes. Her sister grinned and stood, handing the box to Elsa. 

“What’s this?” Elsa asked, confused and shaking the box to hear what could possibly be inside. She had no recollection of what was in it, and couldn’t even remember placing it where Anna found it. 

“ _What’s this_?” Anna asked, feigning insult, and took the box from Elsa, placing it in her bed, “what do you mean ‘ _what’s this_ ’? You honestly don’t remember?”

“I don’t, Anna.”

“Ouch, that stings,” Anna said, and for the first time that day, Elsa was convinced her sister was being serious. Unsure of what to do to make her sister feel better, but pretty sure she did not know what was in the box, Elsa stood behind her sister as she opened it and began removing the white tissue paper covering the mysterious item. 

“Just tell me, Anna,” Elsa said, trying to peek through Anna’s shoulder as she opened the box, but her sister pushed her back, almost glaring at her. Think Elsa, Elsa thought to herself, trying to remember the white box. It turned out impossible, since it had nothing indicating what it was, no note, not even a ribbon or wrapping paper. It was just a plain white box filled to the brim with white tissue paper. 

“Do you remember your 21st birthday?” Anna asked, turning back to face her sister, but keeping her hands hidden behind her back.

“Vaguely…” Elsa responded, eyeing her sister suspiciously, knowing her sister knew full well how traumatic that year had been for her, for both of them. And although Elsa could admit she had tried to repress the memories from that night, she could never forget it completely, and she was certain her sister couldn’t either.

“Well, I do,” Anna said, looking directly at Elsa and expressing concern, love and care in just one glance. Anna and Elsa could always communicate without speaking, ever since they were kids, and this time was no difference. Elsa could tell Anna remembered, and although they had never spoken about it since, it hung around, omnipresent even in the most innocuous situations. 

“And I perfectly remember what Kristoff and I gave you as a present,” Anna said, and presented Elsa with a dress. A dark blue with white crystals, shiny and elegant dress. Suddenly, realization clicked. Elsa remembered how Anna had tried to celebrate her birthday, had bought her food and dessert, had showered her with gifts. 

Elsa also remembered how her birthday was the same day of her sister’s accident anniversary, how up until that year, that date made her spiral into the most incapacitating panic attacks, and how she had spent most day locked in her room. She remembered Anna and Kristoff, who had just met, finally leaving her apartment and herself emerging from her room, and ravaging through her home. She had thrown away all the food, had ripped all the decorations and had stuffed the presents in her closet, hopping to forget about them.

Turns out, she had done a fantastic job at forgetting that specific box, specially since she hadn’t even opened it. Looking at it now, Elsa’s eyes began to water. The dress was breathtaking, the crystals sewn into it made it seem like it was made of ice, and the dark colors were subtle yet mesmerizing. 

Regretting the decision she had made that dreaded December afternoon, Elsa took the dress from Anna’s extended hand and threw it on the bed. Instantly, she took a step closer and hugged Anna. She hugged her with all of her strength, probably knocking all the air out of her sister’s lungs, her eyes stinging and throat constricting.

“I’m so sorry,” Elsa stuttered, still hugging her sister. After a while, Anna pushed Elsa back softly and slowly caressed her cheek, drying her tears with the pads of her fingers. Anna looked at Elsa, and easily managed to convey what she was thinking, without having to speak. Elsa knew then, that Anna understood she wasn’t merely apologizing for forgetting about the dress.

“I know, Elsa,” Anna said softly, hugging her sister again and rubbing her back, trying to calm them down, “but you have to stop, or you’re gonna make me cry as well.”

“I’m sorry, Anna,” Elsa said, finally calming down and wiping her tears with the hem of her blouse, “I’m so sorry for everything.”

“I know,” Anna said, looking up at the ceiling, seemingly trying to hold back her own tears, “but enough of that! Try it on! I’m sure it fits perfectly.”

“Are you sure?” Elsa asked, incredulously, picking up the dress from her bed and looking at it intensely, “it’s been almost 6 years Anna, I don’t think it fits anymore.”

“Just try it on,” Anna said with a pleading tone, “if it doesn’t, we’ll think of something else for you to wear.”

“ _Fine_ ,” Elsa conceded, and walked into her bathroom to change. Stripping out of her jeans and blouse, Elsa looked at herself in the mirror. After years of weight gain and loss, mostly related to her anxiety, Elsa could see the stretch marks in her thighs, and could notice the way skin hung in places like her arms or belly. She was certain the dress wouldn’t fit, but tried it on anyways. At least to show Anna, she thought. 

However, as she zipped the dress closed, Elsa was stunned as she looked in the mirror. The dress fit her almost perfectly, it clung to her waist and hips comfortably, and the long sleeves reached her hands flawlessly. Mouth agape, Elsa walked out of the bathroom and cleared her throat, getting Anna’s attention.

“Oh my goodness!” Anna yelled, literally yelled, standing from the bed and rushing to Elsa, “you look phenomenal! You look fantastic! You look…otherworldly! Is that a word? Whatever, you look beautiful!”

“Really?” Elsa asked, looking down at herself, “isn’t it too much?”

“What? No! It’s a Christmas party, you look like a winter _goddess_. It’s perfect.”

“I’m not sure…”

“Oh, just shut up, will you? Now come here so I can do your makeup,” Anna said, pulling out all of her makeup from the black bag she had brought with her and at the same time, tossing a pair of white heals at Elsa’s feet.

“Good thing we’re the same size shoes,” Anna laughed, pulling her sister down so she could begin with her face.

* * *

Walking away from Anna’s car, Elsa turned back around and hesitated. She wasn’t sure why she had agreed to go to the party, she barely knew anyone there and usually felt extremely uncomfortable in crowded places. Don’t lie to yourself, Elsa thought, you know _exactly_ why you agreed. Moreover, she remembered exactly _who_ Ryder had told her would accompany him to the party.

“What are you waiting for?” Anna yelled from her car, honking to get Elsa’s attention, “you’re already late! Go!”

“Umm…” Elsa hummed, looking down at her feet and trying to unclench her jaw. Stress was taking over, and for a minute, Elsa felt like she couldn’t move, however, after seven deep breaths, Elsa finally removed herself from the spot where she was standing and headed towards the entrance of the University. 

“Go get ‘em!” Elsa heard Anna scream from her car, and couldn’t help but laugh as she turned around and waved at her sister. Watching her drive away, Elsa took one final breath and walked through the huge wooden doors. 

Walking through the hallway, Elsa nodded as she passed some of her colleagues. None of them seemed interested enough to stop and say “hi”, and honestly, Elsa appreciated it. Her nerves would probably prevent her from speaking or following any type of conversation with them. 

Entering the conference room where the party was being held, Elsa saw the first friendly face of the night. Sitting with other students (most teaching assistants were considered staff, so they were usually invited to these kinds of events), was Ryder, laughing and drinking what seemed like fruit punch. Noticing her, he quickly stood and ran towards her, his smile growing exponentially. 

“You came!” Ryder exclaimed, stopping himself from hugging her and instead hung back, shifting his weight from one foot to another, “For a second there I thought you wouldn’t. You look great!”

“Thank you, Ryder,” Elsa said, smiling and blushing, “how are you? Enjoying yourself?”

“Yeah! I was so excited when the school invited me, I feel like such a grown up,” Ryder joked, blushing a little himself, but Elsa was pretty sure the alcohol he seemed to be drinking could be the cause of that.

“Anyways, can I get you something to drink? There’s a bar over there,” Ryder said, pointing with his left hand towards the corner of the room.

“Oh, no thank you, I’m okay,” Elsa responded, smiling at Ryder and looking around the room, “so, did you bring a date?”

“Ha! No, I didn’t,” Ryder said, blushing again, “well, I came with Honeymaren, but she does _not_ count as a date.”

“Really?” Elsa asked intrigued, her interest peeking, “I haven’t seen her.”

“I think she went to get a drink,” Ryder said, shrugging and beginning to turn on his heel, “it was nice seeing you Ms. Andersen, have fun!”

“You too, Ryder,” Elsa said, smiling and waving at Ryder, who was already walking back to his table with his friends. Surveying her surroundings, Elsa quickly realized the mention of Honeymaren’s name had her excited and giddy. It’s because she’s my friend, Elsa assured herself, and began walking towards the bar, where Ryder had just pointed.

Not seeing her friend anywhere, Elsa approached the bartender and ordered herself a coke, since it was the only non alcoholic thing they had. Taking a sip, Elsa looked around the room and wondered about her presence there. The last three parties had been the same, in the same room with the same people and the same music. However, this time, Elsa felt different. This time, she wasn’t terrified of the people around, she wasn’t counting the seconds to leave and, for the first time, Elsa had actually made an effort to get ready, and hadn’t shown up in her work clothes.

Lost in thought, Elsa did not notice someone was standing next to her, presumably trying to get their attention, until they softly touched her in the arm. Startled, Elsa quickly turned and was ready to excuse herself, until she realized the person standing next to her was Honeymaren. However, seeing it was her friend did not calm Elsa down in the least.

Honeymaren was wearing a beige blazer and matching pants, and a white blouse underneath. Her hair was free from its usual braid, and Elsa noticed it was curly, long and really shiny. Her makeup was delicate, yet brought out her facial features, like her defined cheekbones and soft mono-lid eyes. Feeling her mouth dry, Elsa breathed in quickly and tried to speak, yet no sound emerged. 

“Hi, Elsa,” Honeymaren said, watching Elsa and smiling, “lost in thought again?”

“Sorry,” Elsa said, blushing and looking down at her feet. However, Elsa wasn’t certain if her flushed cheeks were the result of her embarrassment or her reaction after seeing Honeymaren. 

“You look beautiful, by the way,” Honeymaren said, placing her hand in Elsa’s arm once again.

“Thank you,” Elsa said, breathing rapidly and looking down at Honeymaren’s hand in her arm, “you look beautiful, too.”

Elsa was surprised with herself, to say the least. A few weeks ago Elsa had hugged her. _Hugged!_ And now, she was incredibly comfortable with her hand on her arm. Elsa had always hated physical touch from almost everyone, but now, for some reason, the thought of Honeymaren touching her didn’t make her anxious, or scared, or uncomfortable. The complete opposite, the thought of her touch made her excited, giddy and, in that very moment, happy.

“Wanna dance? I’ve been dying of boredom since Ryder and I got here,” Honeymaren said, removing her hand and turning to face the room. Elsa missed her touch instantly.

“Oh, I don’t…” Elsa stuttered, blushing and looking down at her feet, “I don’t dance, I don’t know how.”

“Pff, who cares,” Honeymaren said, grabbing Elsa’s empty glass and placing it in the counter behind them, “I suck at dancing as well, but it’s still fun!”

“Hm…” Elsa hummed, already starting to feel self-conscious, “alright fine, but you can’t make fun of me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Honeymaren said, beaming at Elsa and pulling her softly by the arm towards the dance floor, where only a handful of people were dancing. The rest, were sitting at the tables with their colleagues or making rounds around the room. 

Nearing the center of the room, Honeymaren began to sway her hips to the rhythm of the music. Smiling, Elsa began to move shyly, but noticing her, Honeymaren grabbed her hips and guided her to dance with her, following the beat of the song. Relaxing into her touch, Elsa laughed and began to free herself, her moves more loose. Elsa wouldn’t’ve noticed she and Honeymaren had spent almost an hour on the dance floor, if it hadn’t been for her feet killing her by the end of the night.

* * *

“Here we are,” Ryder said, parking the car on the street and turning it off, “home sweet home.”

“Thank you, Ryder,” Elsa said, smiling and opening the door of the car, but before getting out, said: “thank you, again. Good night.”

“No problemo!” Ryder exclaimed, earning a rib punch in his ribs from his sister, who rolled her eyes and whispered something to him.

Laughing, Elsa got out of the car and began walking towards her building, but before she reached the door, she heard her name being called. Turning around, Elsa saw Honeymaren getting out of the car and running towards her.

“Hey, wait up,” Honeymaren said, reaching Elsa and smiling, “let me help you up.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Elsa laughed, shoving her friend to the side with her shoulder, “I’m sure I can get up the stairs by myself.”

“Sure you can,” Honeymaren said smiling, but nonetheless taking Elsa by the arm and helping her up the stairs to her door, “but you’re limping, I don’t want to see you fall on your face because of those heels.”

“Always so chivalrous,” Elsa joked, but still appreciating Honeymaren’s support. Her heels, Anna’s actually, were hurting her feet, a lot. Elsa could feel the blisters forming near her toes, and the pain was becoming so sharp that it was getting hard to walk. Who knew dancing could be so dangerous?

“There you go,” Honeymaren said as they reached the last step of the stairs, letting go of Elsa, “maybe you should take them off to get up there.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Elsa said, looking for her keys in her purse. After locating them, she turned around and looked at Honeymaren. Under the moonlight, her eyes looked almost black, and Elsa swore she almost got lost in them right there. Her hair shined and her skin contrasted beautifully with the clothes she was wearing. 

When staring became too much for Elsa, she did the only thing that felt right in the moment. Taking a step closer, Elsa looked one last time at Honeymaren’s eyes before hugging her. Nuzzling her head in the space between Honeymaren’s face and neck, Elsa took a deep breath and twisted her arms a little tighter around her friend. She could once again smell the citrus of her shampoo and feel her strong arms wrap around her. After a few seconds, maybe longer, Elsa took a step back and smiled almost apologetically at her friend.

“Goodbye, Elsa,” Honeymaren said after a moment of silence, “see you soon?”

“I-I…” Elsa muttered, feeling warm inside yet desperately missing Honeymaren’s heat she had just experienced, “Yes, I’ll see you. Goodbye.”

Quickly walking through her door, Elsa released a breath she had been holding ever since letting go of Honeymaren and rested her back against the door of her building. Sinking down to the floor, Elsa became aware of her flushed cheeks and a warm feeling rising from the depths of her stomach. Realizing she was already longing for Honeymaren’s touch, Elsa began to feel alarmed. 

“Oh... _shit_ ,” Elsa whispered wide eyed, as realization hit.


	13. Doubt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Internalized homophobia, mature language, and death (not explicit, just mentioned)  
> Summary if you choose to skip this chapter: Elsa is in denial, she refuses to believe she could be queer, instead tries to justify her lack of interest for men with something being wrong with her. She cries a lot, reflects on the homophobic world we still live on, and represses the thought. Anna plans a Christmas party/dinner and tell Elsa to invite Honeymaren and their family. Elsa learns that, just as her parents, Honeymaren’s passed away when she was a teenager.

Thursday night, December 2nd

Elsa couldn’t stop thinking about Honeymaren. Ever since the Christmas staff party, Elsa could not stop herself from thinking about Honeymaren, about what she was doing, who she was with, how she was feeling. That night, after realizing she might want more than a friendship with Honeymaren, Elsa had cried.

She had cried so much she had fallen asleep, still with her makeup and dress. She woke up, disheveled and puffy eyed, and remembering why she had cried the night before, Elsa cried again. She couldn’t be _gay_ , that was not her. She had never been or even kissed a woman, how could she be gay?

But then, as the weekend came, Elsa realized, this wasn’t the first time she might’ve had feelings for another woman. She remembered her middle school days, when she had been so obsessed with her friend Astrid that she had wept and refused to get out of bed for about a week when her family moved out of town.

She remembered Marianne, from college. The only person who Elsa could stand during study groups, Elsa suddenly recalled the longing stares and the jealously she felt when Marianne had dates with boys. She even recalled her infatuation with Ms. Larsen, her chemistry professor in her sophomore year of college, and realized her obsession with her professor was perhaps more than respect for her “academic endeavors”. 

But she couldn’t be gay. That didn’t make sense. Maybe all those women she was remembering from her younger years were just friends, and due to Elsa’s lack of personal relationships, she was unable to differentiate platonic friendships from sexual attraction. Speaking of sexual attraction, Elsa didn’t have much experience with it.

Sure, she had had boyfriends, but she had always assumed everyone felt the way she did during their romantic relationships. For Elsa, kissing them felt like a mandatory act of saliva exchange, something you just _had_ to do when you were in a relationship. Sex? Just a chore. Elsa had read about the wonders of the female orgasm, but she couldn’t attest to the experience.

Her first time had been…short. The man had lasted maybe 9 seconds before collapsing on top of her, heaving and sweating. Elsa had felt pain, sure, but it was over so quickly that she hadn’t realized the act was over. Only when he began snoring on top of her did Elsa realize he had fallen asleep and their night was done. 

The other times, underwhelming. She always understood the mechanics, knew about protection and consent, but time after time her nights ended in discomfort and disappointment. After a few years, maybe four, of depressing sexual encounters, Elsa just began to assume that was what sex was for everyone. She assumed to that day, that movies and television were just exaggerating, making it seem ethereal to get more viewers and better ratings.

Yet, as she reminded herself of her beliefs, something within her stirred. How could one simple hug with a friend cause more emotions than years of romantic and sexual encounters with men? Elsa had read about “asexuality” once, after Helga mentioned it. And although she understood where her therapist was coming from, she had never felt comfortable with the label. What then, could possibly be wrong with her? She couldn’t be gay, she didn’t feel comfortable with an asexual identity, yet sex had always felt like a task, not a pleasure, and this _hug_ with a friend was making her feel things she had never felt.

She was certain something within in her must be broken, something in herself was definitely not functioning correctly, because she could not find an explanation for the warmth and fear that came every time she thought of that Friday night. And although she hadn’t had much friends in her life, she was _certain_ a hug with a friend was _not_ supposed to make someone feel the was she was feeling. 

But she couldn’t be gay. That was not something she could be. Sure, she knew gay people, and had always considered herself accepting, but the thought of loving a _woman_ made Elsa feel afraid. She felt terrified of the looks from strangers, the judgment from colleagues, the disapproval from family… What would Kristoff say? What would Anna think? Elsa couldn’t bear the thought of being rejected by the people closest to her, and she knew, if she wasn’t gay, that would never be a problem.

Looking across from the living room, where Anna and Kristoff were cooking dinner, Elsa swallowed the lump in her throat and dried her cheeks before either of them realized she had been crying. Looking at her family, she couldn’t imagine her life without them, and knew, if she were to be different, things would change.

Elsa hated change, that was something that took a while for her to accept, but when she finally did, her life improved exponentially. She suddenly understood why she always had to be in control, how even the slightest of alterations could send her spiraling into panic, and how it was all rooted back to her childhood. That dreaded winter day, her 8th birthday, she was supposed to be in charge, yet she lost control…

“Elsa!” She heard Anna screaming from the kitchen, pulling her out from her internal debate, “c’mere, I wanna ask you something.”

Panicked, Elsa stood from the couch, trying her best not to step on the sleeping Sven in front of her feet. Did Anna know? There’s no way she knows, Elsa considered, trying to reason with herself. It was just a hug, a friendly hug she hadn’t even mentioned. There was no way her sister knew about it, her mental gymnastics nor her sexual questioning. 

“What is it?” Elsa said, standing near the kitchen, resting her shoulder on the wall, trying to look relaxed, but most likely failing. Elsa was fidgeting with her hands, and she knew full well her sister noticed. Her sister noticed everything about her.

“What’s wrong?” Anna asked, obviously noticing Elsa’s stress, “are you okay?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Elsa said simply, hiding her hands behind her back, “just thinking about work. What did you want to ask me?”

“Hm…” Anna hummed, seemingly unconvinced by Elsa’s vague answer, but thankfully, chose to drop it and instead said: “we’re having a small get together, for Christmas.”

“Okay… is that a question?”

“No, silly! See, we’re having a few friends over from work, just a handful. You’ll be here, _obviously_ , but i just wanted to ask if you would like to invite someone over.”

“Oh, well, thanks, that’s nice… But I don’t really know anyone from work that well… I could stay home, and let you guys have your…thing.”

“What?” Kristoff asked, turning around and wiping his hands in his apron, “you have to come! It’s Christmas!”

“He’s right,” Anna said, “you are not allowed to miss it, sister. And you should bring your friends over!”

“Anna… I don’t have friends,” Elsa said, looking at her sister and trying to convey, in her most patient tone, something they both knew. 

“Sure you do! Bring Honeymaren!” Anna exclaimed, motioning at Elsa to help her with serving the soup she was cooking, “and didn’t she mention a brother? Bring him as well!”

“Oh… I don’t know, surely they have something else planned for Christmas,” Elsa said, taking the plates from her sister and placing them on the dinning table, “and we don’t know each other that well.”

“Stop saying that!” Anna said, striking her sister with a kitchen rag, “you’ve been friends forever. I’m sure she wouldn’t appreciate you saying you’re not close.”

Elsa blushed and looked down at her feet, trying to hide the crimson in her cheeks. There’s no way Anna knows, Elsa concluded, but the mention of “being close” to Honeymaren made Elsa remember their hug that night, and had her feeling flushed and anxious.

“Okay, yeah, I’ll ask her if she can make it.”

“Kay, call her, tell her it’s the 16th at seven sharp,” Anna said, getting to cooking dinner. As every single Thursday before, Elsa had offered to help with the cooking, but Anna and Kristoff refused and sent her off to the living room or to be with Ingrid. 

“Right, yeah, I’ll give her a call soon,” Elsa said, still trying to help with something else for dinner but being shoved out of the kitchen by both Anna and Kristoff.

“No,” Anna said, “call her now.”

“Right now?” Elsa asked, quietly and wide eyed.

“Yes, right now,” Anna answered sternly, crossing her arms and looking at her sister with anticipation, “I’m waiting.”

“Um…” Elsa muttered, unsure if Anna was being serious or not. However, she did not want to make her sister mad, so Elsa scurried towards the living room in search for her purse. After locating it, she pulled out her phone and searched for Honeymaren’s number. Taking a deep breath, Elsa pressed the call button. 

After a couple of rings, Honeymaren replied.

“Hi Elsa!” She said in what Elsa could perceive as an excited tone, “how are you?”

“Hello, Honeymaren,” Elsa said, looking back to see if Anna was listening. Seeing her sister peeking her head out of the kitchen, Elsa rolled her eyes and walked towards the back of the house, walking through the glass door and entering the backyard, where Ingrid was playing in the snow. 

“I’m fine,” Elsa responded, taking a seat close to her niece, keeping an eye out of her, “how about you? How was your day?”

“Oh, the usual, a lot of work, how was yours?”

“The same, classes are almost over so I’m drowning in papers and exams that need grading.”

“Right,” Honeymaren laughed, and Elsa couldn’t help but think her laughter was as sweet as the desserts she made, “you should tell Ryder to help you out more, he’s been so lazy lately.”

“Oh, come on,” Elsa said, knowing Honeymaren was joking, but still feeling the need to defend her brother, “he’s been so helpful, I can’t ask more from him.”

“Someone should,” Honeymaren replied, still laughing, and Elsa was glad she was allowed to hear that wonderful sound so frequently lately.

“Right, well, I was actually calling to ask you something. Anna and her husband, Kristoff, they’re having a Christmas party soon, and they wanted to know if you could come.”

“Oh, really? When is it?”

“Two weeks, the 16th, I think.”

“Oh shoot. I think I have something with Ryder that day…”

“Oh, well, I mean, he is invited as well. Anna said to invite you both, and your parents, if they can.”

And the line went quiet. For a second, Elsa thought the call had failed, but she could hear Honeymaren breathing, so she knew she had heard her. Had Elsa insulted her? Had she said something to offend Honeymaren in anyway? She didn’t know what she said, or how to retract it, so instead she just asked:

“Honeymaren, are you there?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” Honeymaren said, her voice sounding a lot less cheerful than it had a few seconds ago, “I’m sorry, it’s just that… our parents, they’re not around anymore.”

“I’m sorry Honeymaren, it was wrong of me to assume.”

“It’s okay, you couldn’t’ve known, besides Yelena, you remember her, right? From the café. She took care of us most of our lives, basically raised us… it’s just hard to talk about it sometimes.”

“I know.”

“You do?”

“Yes, our parents passed away when I turned 18. Car accident.”

“I was 15 when mine died, Ryder was only 6.”

“I’m glad he has you as a sister. So young…” Elsa said, remembering her and Anna’s relationship after their parents’ death. It seemed broken beyond repair, but then Anna had come back to her apartment that dreaded December night, found her… Elsa shivered, trying to repress the memory and focus on Honeymaren’s voice. It seemed to ground her, in a way, pulling her back to the present. 

“Anyways, thank you for the invitation, we would love to go.”

“Really? That’s great. Tell Yelena she’s welcome as well, you can all come together.”

“Okay, I will. Thank you.”

“Yeah, sure, of course. I look forward to it. To seeing you, I mean. Well, seeing all of you, here, for Christmas, the party,” Elsa stammered, groaning to herself after her vomit of words.

“Yes,” Honeymaren laughed again, making the corners of Elsa’s lips tug upwards, “I look forward to seeing you too.”


	14. Christmas Dinner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: childhood trauma and mentions of blood.  
> Summary if you choose to skip this one: Anna and Kristoff host a Christmas dinner at their house, they invite Honeymaren, Ryder and Yelena. After eating, Elsa and Honeymaren walk out to the backyard and Elsa tells Honeymaren about the accident. 19 years prior, Anna had an accident whilst ice skating that nearly killed her, and Elsa still blames herself for it. Honeymaren tries to assure Elsa it is not her fault, but Elsa is reluctant to accept it. At the end, past midnight, Anna celebrates Elsa’s 27th birthday.

Thursday night, December 16th

“Oh Honeymaren, I’m so glad you could make it!” Anna yelled, as she opened the door to her house and captured the brown haired woman in a bone crushing hug. 

“Hianna,” Honeymaren tried to talk, but Anna’s hug seemed to be making it hard for Honeymaren to speak, or even breath, Elsa thought. 

“And you must be Ryder!” Anna said, finally letting go of Honeymaren and following suit with the bear hugs with Ryder. He, unlike his sister, welcomed the hug much more graciously and hugged Anna back, almost lifting her from the ground, earning a laugh from her. 

“Yes! Hi!” Ryder said excited, “Thank you for having us! I’m so excited!”

“Me too!” Anna squealed, motioning for them to enter. However, Anna didn’t notice the older woman behind them until Ryder introduced her. 

“Anna, this is Yelena,” Ryder said, motioning to the gray haired woman standing on the porch of the house, “she’s our… I don’t know actually, I never knew what to call you…”

“Oh, I’m no one,” Yelena said, glaring at Ryder, “I’m just the woman that raised and fed you, young man.”

“I’m sorry, Yelena,” Ryder mumbled, looking down at his shuffling feet as they all entered Anna’s house. Seeing them enter, Elsa stood from the couch and straightened her wrinkled dress with her hands. 

Walking towards the door, Elsa saw the three newcomers removing their coats and hats, covered in a thin layer of fresh snow. Seeing Honeymaren’s, Elsa’s breath hitched in her throat. Her friend was wearing khaki colored pants, long and shiny, that flowed when she moved, and a white button up blouse, sleeves rolled up, showing her toned arms. Elsa did _not_ miss the fact that the first three buttons of her shirt were open, and given their height difference, Elsa could easily see down her-

Elsa looked down suddenly, scared Honeymaren had seen her staring. She took a couple of breaths to cool herself down and hide away the flush in her cheeks. Gulping, Elsa realized the warm feeling in her core was traveling farther south after seeing Honeymaren again. 

Standing from afar, watching, Elsa noticed Honeymaren approaching her. Standing up straight and hoping her cheeks were not as flushed as she felt, Elsa smiled. Hiding her fidgeting hands behind her back, Elsa took a step forward and said:

“Hello, Honeymaren. I’m glad you came.”

“Hi Elsa!” Honeymaren said excitedly, wrapping Elsa in a tight hug, but releasing her quickly thereafter and saying: “I’m sorry, was that okay?”

“Yes,” Elsa whispered, sure that her cheeks were now burning red and radiating heat, “how are you?”

“I’m great! Almost froze my ass off out there, I’m glad it’s warmer here.”

Elsa, on the other hand, did not appreciated the warmth of her sister’s house. Certain her body was one degree away from bursting into flames after that hug, Elsa felt the urge to run outside and feel the snow in her skin, but knowing full well she couldn’t, Elsa did her breathing exercises to cool herself down.

“You look great by the way,” Honeymaren said, resting her hand lightly on Elsa’s arm, bringing her back to the moment, “I love that dress, purple looks good on you.”

“Thank you,” Elsa said, feeling embarrassed. She had never known how to accept compliments, but now, with Honeymaren as her friend, she would need to get used to it, “you look good, too.”

“This old thing?” Honeymaren joked, “I just threw it on.”

“Regardless…” Elsa said, and now it was Honeymaren’s turn to blush. It didn’t go unnoticed by Elsa how the pink in her cheeks made her eyes shine even brighter than before.

“Anyways,” Honeymaren said, shaking her head, and reaching into her bag, pulling out a bottle of wine, “I brought this, for your sister.”

Reaching for the bottle, Elsa motioned with her head for Honeymaren to follow her. Anna was in the kitchen organizing, and Kristoff was entertaining Ryder and Yelena in the living room, apparently talking about reindeer herding with them.

“Anna,” Elsa said, entering the kitchen with Honeymaren behind her, “Honeymaren brought this for you.”

“Oh my god!” Anna squealed again, taking the bottle from her sister and addressing Honeymaren, “this is lovely Honeymaren, thank you! You didn’t have to bring anything!”

“Oh, it was not-” Honeymaren began saying, but Anna interrupted her before she could finish.

“Don’t say it was nothing! This wine looks amazing,” Anna said, but then, in a more whispered tone, said: “But you do know Elsa doesn’t drink, right?”

“Anna,” Elsa said to her sister sternly, trying to get her attention, wanting to avoid being embarrassed by her in front of her friend. Trying to avoid Honeymaren’s gaze, Elsa focused her eyes on her sister, who was mouthing an apology as she turned around and began looking for a corkscrew. 

However, before Elsa could exit the kitchen and remove herself from an even more awkward situation, Elsa felt Honeymaren’s hand on the small of her back. Turning her head, she could see her friend looking at her with a smile on her face and what seemed like amusement in her eyes. Feeling better thanks just to Honeymaren’s touch, Elsa relaxed.

“Hey,” Anna said, turning around after having opened the bottle. Looking at Honeymaren’s hand in Elsa’s back, but quickly averting her eyes, Anna asked her sister: “Could you check up on Ingrid? She should already be asleep.”

“Sure,” Elsa replied, feeling self-conscious again, and rapidly exited the kitchen. Feeling her cheeks and ears redden, Elsa hoped Anna had not thought anything of Honeymaren and her way of calming Elsa down. 

After greeting Ryder and Yelena in the appropriate manner, Elsa walked towards her niece’s room. Nearing Ingrid’s door, Elsa began to recall all the moments where the mere presence of Honeymaren was enough to calm her. She remembered their outings following their night at the karaoke. Honeymaren had invited Elsa to hang out with her and her friends at bars, restaurants and some plays and movies.

Honeymaren had also invited Elsa to hang out by themselves. They had gone on walks before winter had arrived, they had had lunch together when Honeymaren was not working, and they had gone book shopping a couple of times. The common denominator in all of their outings as friends, Elsa realized, was the way Honeymaren made her feel whenever they were together. 

Honeymaren made her feel comfortable, safe, serene. A sudden wave of gratitude washed over Elsa as she remembered the time they had spent together, but as soon as it came, it washed away, being replaced by unexpected panic. Elsa couldn’t deny what she was feeling for Honeymaren was more than just friendship, and although she was not ready to fully comprehend or accept it, she did know how dangerous it was.

Elsa was allowing herself to become infatuated by the kind, loving and understanding woman, and in the process, was jeopardizing the only friendship she had had in years. In that very moment, as she opened her niece’s bedroom door and saw her peacefully sleeping in her bed, with Sven curled up next to her, Elsa decided she would not risk it. She would not, for anything, let herself lose Honeymaren as a friend.

Walking back to the living room, Elsa saw that more people had arrived. After assuring Anna her daughter was already asleep in bed, her sister introduced her to the people that had just arrived. The couple were colleagues of Anna at the law firm, and the other man was an old friend of Kristoff’s from college. Elsa couldn’t recall her names, and if she was being honest, she couldn’t even remember the conversations she had with them. 

The rest of the night was fine. After eating dinner, Anna’s colleagues left, saying they had an early morning the next day. Refusing help, Anna had told Elsa and Honeymaren to sit in the living with the rest of them, and told them the dishes could be cleaned the next day. Kristoff served coffee for everyone, and before Elsa knew it, they had spent almost two hours talking.

Just shy of 11 pm, Kristoff’s friend also left, and that left only the Natturas as guests. Noticing how Anna and Yelena were distracting discussing something about immigration, and Ryder and Kristoff were in a heated debate about the best way to raise reindeer calves, Elsa stood and walked towards the back door, staring out at the backyard, dark and covered in snow. 

Walking back towards the living room, Elsa took two coats and headed to the couch, were Honeymaren sat, staring at her intently. Elsa took Honeymaren’s hand and softly pulled her up, walking with her towards the backyard. Opening the sliding door slightly, and handing Honeymaren her jacket, Elsa walked out to the cold, winter night.

Smiling at Honeymaren, who was standing near the door, looking at her apprehensively, Elsa extended her hand and urged Honeymaren out to the backyard. Standing next to her, Honeymaren began shivering, and wrapped her coat tightly around her. 

“It’s freezing Elsa,” Honeymaren said, but Elsa could see the huge grin in her face. “What are we doing?”

“I don’t know,” Elsa confessed, feeling the cold air in her face and bare legs, smiling at Honeymaren. “I just wanted some fresh air.”

“It’s fresh, alright,” Honeymaren said, standing a little closer to Elsa, “but you don’t seem cold at all.”

“It doesn’t bother me,” Elsa said, looking up at the starry sky. “It doesn’t now, anyways.”

“What do you mean?”

Elsa took a deep breath, and looked back at Honeymaren, who was staring at her with a curious expression in her face. In a mental debate, Elsa couldn’t decide if she should tell Honeymaren about her and Anna’s past, or not. They had only been friends for a couple of months, but Elsa had never felt as close with anyone who wasn’t family. What would she think, if she knew about the accident? Would she blame Elsa? Like she should, Elsa though, self-deprecatingly.

Feeling brave, Elsa decided to reveal her secret to her friend. She couldn’t explain why, in that moment, she felt she could tell her anything. In that very moment, Elsa didn’t feel afraid, and even though Honeymaren would be the first person to hear the story from her, besides from Helga, Elsa felt almost relaxed.

Motioning for her to follow her, Elsa sat down in a bench close to the house, the only one that wasn’t covered in snow. After Honeymaren sat down next to her, their legs almost touching, Elsa exhaled and began:

“When I was 8, and Anna was 5, we were…we were ice skating. There was a lake close to where we used to live when we were little, and every Christmas we would go there and skate, for hours. That December, I don’t remember why, Anna and I were by ourselves. What I do remember, though, is that I was supposed to take care of her…”

Elsa stopped, trying to catch her breath. She was beginning to feel anxious, and could already feel her hands sweating, even in the cold night. As if sensing her discomfort, Honeymaren slid closer and wrapped her arm around Elsa shoulders.

“Is this okay?” Honeymaren asked, and Elsa almost melted into a puddle right there. Even though Elsa had become much more comfortable with touching her friend, Elsa still appreciated how every time they did, Honeymaren asked for consent. 

“Mhm,” Elsa agreed, quietly, trying to keep herself from breaking down, then and there.

“You don’t have to tell me, Elsa,” Honeymaren said, searching for Elsa’s eyes, which were glued to the sky, trying to keep tears from forming. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want.”

“I-I…” Elsa mumbled, making herself look at Honeymaren, and feeling stronger by just looking at her. “I want to. I want to tell you.”

“Okay,” Honeymaren nodded, caressing Elsa’s arm with her hand, still wrapped around her shoulders. Elsa took comfort in the touch, and breathing deeply, she continued.

“I was supposed to look after her. But I-I.. I got distracted. I don’t even remember what made me walk away from the lake, but… That winter was unusually warm. The ice was supposed to be thicker. None of it was supposed to happen…

“Before I could react, I heard the ice breaking. I turned and Anna was gone. I began skating to where I had heard the sound from, but after see-seeing the hole… the blood… I froze. I couldn’t move, I tried to help her, I tried to move, but… I just couldn’t.

“Thank goodness there were some older people there. They pulled her out of the water quickly after, and they took her away. I don’t remember how I got back home, or how I got to the hospital later, but she-she nearly died that day. The doctors said a couple more seconds in the water and she wouldn’t have made it. She had frostbite in her hands and feet, and she had fractured her skull, the back of the head…”

“Elsa…” Honeymaren began talking, but Elsa wasn’t done talking.

“I was my fault, Honeymaren. I was supposed to take care of her, she’s my little sister, for goodness sake. But it was my fault she fell, and then I couldn’t even help her after…”

“Do you honestly believe that?” Honeymaren asked, after Elsa had stopped talking and tears began falling down her cheeks. Surprised, Elsa dried her wet face with the palms of her hands and looked at Honeymaren.

“What do you mean?” Elsa asked, unsure what Honeymaren was getting to. 

“Do you really believe anything about that day was your fault, Elsa?” Honeymaren asked in a quiet voice, removing her arm from Elsa’s shoulders and taking both hands in her own. Honeymaren’s hands felt warm and soft in Elsa’s, and the feeling made her feel a little more at ease after sharing such revelation with her friend. 

“I-I don’t…You weren’t there, Honeymaren,” Elsa said, knowing full well Honeymaren was just trying to make her feel better, but feeling slightly annoyed at it,

“And you were just eight, Elsa,” Honeymaren exclaimed, squeezing Elsa’s hands in her own, “you couldn’t have done anything. Besides, Anna’s fine, and you two seem to get along perfectly, blaming yourself really doesn’t accomplish much.”

 _If only you knew_. However, thinking about her 21st birthday and her incident, and how that made her the closest to Anna she has ever been, Elsa was reminded that, in just a few minutes, the anniversary of what she had just told Honeymaren would take place.

Not only that, in just a few minutes, Elsa would be turning 27. Looking towards the house, Elsa searched for her sister, praying she wouldn’t be planning anything. After being unable to locate her from afar, Elsa stood and walked towards the house, worried. 

Noticing her, Kristoff stood from the couch, where he was talking to Ryder and Yelena, and opened the door that led to the backyard.

“I’m sorry, Elsa,” he said awkwardly, looking down at his feet and offering Elsa the faintest of smiles, “I tried to talk her out of it, but you know how she feels about birthdays.”

“Birthdays?” Honeymaren asked, starling Elsa, who turned and saw her standing behind her, shivering from the cold and apparently anxious to get inside. “Who’s birthday is it?”

But, before Elsa could even respond, she heard loud noise from inside the house. Looking past Kristoff’s broad shoulders, Elsa saw Anna calling everyone to the dinning room, where a cake was sitting in the middle of the table, with lit up candles.

Rolling her eyes and groaning, Elsa entered the house and hurried towards her sister, who was beginning to clap and sing that song Elsa _despised_. 

“Anna!” Elsa hissed, looking back and seeing everyone staring at them, “what are you doing? You didn’t tell me about any of this!”

“It’s your birthday!” Anna yelled, motioning with her hands for the rest of them to gather around them in the dinning room, “you can’t escape it, Elsa. I will always celebrate you! You always need to be celebrated!”

Annoyed, but resigned, Elsa huffed. Every year was the same, and no matter how many times Elsa told her sister she didn’t care for birthday celebrations, her sister would always surprise her. However, Elsa also felt incredibly grateful for having someone in her life who _cared_. Hugging her, Elsa mouthed a thank you to Anna and turned to see the rest of the house guests around her, clapping and singing that _horrible_ song.

“Your birthday, huh?” Honeymaren asked after Elsa had blown out the candles and Anna was cutting the ice cream cake for everyone, “I had no idea.”

“I’m not the most fond of birthdays,” Elsa replied sheepishly, “specially mine, given… you know, what happened.”

Elsa motioned with her head towards Anna, and Honeymaren nodded, seemingly understanding what Elsa was referring to. 

“Anna’s right, though,” Honeymaren said smiling at Elsa.

“Hm?” Elsa asked confused. She looked at Honeymaren and saw her smiling, stepping closer to her. Taking Elsa’s hand in her own, Honeymaren said quietly:

“You deserve to be celebrated.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays everyone! I know this year will be a little different but I hope you can all enjoy safely. Please remember to stay at home and wear a mask if you're going out. xx - Rem.


	15. Birthday

Friday, December 17th

“This cake is fantastic!” Ryder yelled, mouthful of cake and jumping up and down in his chair, “I’m so glad it’s your birthday, Ms. Andersen.”

“You can call me Elsa, you know,” Elsa said to Ryder, laughing and covering her mouth with her hand, “I’m no longer your boss.”

“Right,” Ryder said, blushing and stuffing his face with even more cake, “I’ll do that.”

After they all ate together, Elsa looked down at her watch and noticed that it was almost one in the morning. Thankful she didn’t have to work the next day, since the university had already started the winter break, Elsa still felt like leaving. She didn’t want to impose on her sister and brother-in-law, and was eager to check on Olaf.

“I should leave now,” Elsa said to Anna, as they both were putting away the plates they had just washed, “it’s very late.”

“Right, yeah, you’re right,” Anna said, wiping her hands in her pants and suddenly, jumped Elsa and hugged her tightly, nearly knocking all the air from her lungs, “happy birthday Elsa! I love you so much!”

“Thank you, Anna,” Elsa answered, laughing and softly pushing away her sister, trying to recover her breath, “I love you, too.”

“Hey,” someone said from the door, making both sisters turn their heads and find Honeymaren standing from afar, looking down at her feet, “we’re almost leaving, do you need a ride home, Elsa?”

“Oh, thank you,” Elsa said, turning to fully face Honeymaren, “but I was planning on walking, I live close.”

“Walking?” Anna yelled, jumping between Elsa and Honeymaren and shaking her sister by the arms, “are you out of your mind? It’s one in the morning, and it’s snowing, you can _not_ walk home!”

“Why are you always so dramatic, Anna?” Elsa asked, rolling her eyes and removing her sister’s hands from herself, “it’s a 20 minute walk.”

“No, it’s not! It’s a 20 minute _drive_. Besides, you’ll turn into a popsicle!” Anna yelled again, “a very beautiful popsicle, but still! You can’t walk home, you’re wearing a dress!”

“She’s right,” Honeymaren said, taking a step closer to the sisters, “c’mon, we’ll drive you.”

“Alright,” Elsa said, certain she wouldn’t be able to convince her sister or Honeymaren otherwise, “let me get my jacket.”

Walking out of the kitchen and towards the hallway where her jacket and purse hung, Elsa noticed Kristoff still talking with Ryder and Yelena fervently, still something about reindeer. Smiling to herself, a thought instantaneously creeped into Elsa’s mind, and remained there for days to come. _I could get used to this_. 

After saying goodbye to Anna and Kristoff, Elsa, Ryder, Yelena and Honeymaren all ran towards the red car parked a few steps from the house’s door. The snow was falling heavily now, and Elsa realized her idea to walk home was probably not the smartest.

The drive to her apartment took almost half an hour, but Elsa thought of it as quick, considering the pace at which Ryder was driving. At least he’s careful, Elsa thought, smiling to herself. The snow and frozen pavement were most definitely dangerous, specially at night, and Elsa thought it was endearing how cautious and attentive Ryder could be. 

“What are you smiling about?” Honeymaren asked, leaning close to her in the backseat of the car. 

“Oh, nothing,” Elsa answered, feeling her cheeks and ears blushing. Thankful the car was dark and hoping Honeymaren couldn’t notice it, Elsa said: “I was just thinking.”

“About?” Honeymaren asked, with a smirk in her face.

However, before Elsa could even reply, the car abruptly halted to a stop and Elsa and Honeymaren were sent forwards, crashing into the front seats. Seating back, Elsa turned around to check on her friend, laughing after seeing her with rustled her and a very angry expression on her face.

“Sorry about that!” Ryder screamed from the driver’s seat, turning back to see the two women in the backseat at them, with a loop-sided smile “we’re here! Home sweet home.”

“Thank you, Ryder,” Elsa said laughing, fixing her hair and smoothing her dress, that had rose up after the hasty stop of the car.

“You’re such a shit driver,” Honeymaren said with an annoyed tone, shaking her head and smacking her brother in the arm from behind, “I don’t know why I always let you drive.”

“Oh c’mon, don’t be dramatic,” Ryder said, turning around to look at his sister and rolling his eyes in an almost theatrical way, “you guys are alright, Yelena’s alright, the car’s alright!”

“Whatever,” Honeymaren said annoyed, removing her seatbelt and shoving her brother’s head. Elsa smiled at their playful interaction, and noticed Yelena was smiling as well. Her eyes twinkled while she looked at the siblings, and Elsa’s heart warmed at seeing how much care and love spilled just from her expression. 

“Hey,” Elsa heard Honeymaren say softly, bringing her out of her thoughts, “I’ll walk you, I have an umbrella here somewhere.”

“Thank you,” Elsa said, trying to hide the pink that was creeping on her cheeks. Honeymaren quickly got out of the car and, walking around it, opened Elsa’s door and helped her. The snow fall had gotten much heavier, and the ground was covered in a thick layer of fresh white powder.

Getting out of the car, helped by Honeymaren’s hand on her, Elsa felt the cool rush of wind against her face and legs, and took a deep breath, enjoying the feeling and how it contrasted with Honeymaren’s warm hand in hers. 

All the mental conflict she had been experiencing for the last few days came rushing in, as she looked down at her hand interlaced with Honeymaren’s. All the fear, the anguish and the confusion mixed together in Elsa’s brain, causing her throat to constrict and her eyes to sting. However, even with all her doubt about her feelings towards her friend, Elsa did not want to let go of her. Literally, and figuratively. She did not want to lose her as a friend, sure, but she literally did not want to let go of her hand. 

Crossing the street under Honeymaren’s umbrella, protecting them from the falling snow, Elsa felt happy. For the first time since Anna’s accident, Elsa was enjoying her birthday, and even if it only had been for an hour, Elsa knew this was by far the best birthday she had ever had. 

“Here we go,” Honeymaren said, closing her umbrella after they had both reached the door of Elsa’s building. 

“Thank you,” Elsa said, very aware of the fact she was still holding Honeymaren’s hand, but not wanting to let go of it just yet. Feeling her heartbeat quicken, Elsa tried to calm herself down by breathing deeply, but found that just looking at Honeymaren’s smile did the trick much quicker.

“I actually wanted to tell you something,” Honeymaren exclaimed, taking a step closer towards Elsa. They were left standing so close that they were basically breathing the same air, and Elsa inhaled sharply. What did Honeymaren have to say? Was it something bad? Or worse, was it something Elsa was weirdly wanting to hear?

“What is it?” Elsa asked, trying to retain her composure, but feeling it close to crumbling. Standing so close to Honeymaren, looking into her eyes and still holding her hand, Elsa was starting to realize all the confusion and fear she was feeling were pretty ill-founded. 

“I…” Honeymaren began saying, but then stopped. Before opening her mouth again, she took the slightest of steps backwards and said, with a smile in her face, “I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.”

“Oh,” Elsa whispered, not even trying to hide her disappointment, but smiling nonetheless, “thank you, Honeymaren. I had a great time with all of you.”

“I’m glad,” Honeymaren commented, taking another step back and releasing Elsa’s hand. Immediately, Elsa felt its absence and the cold replacing it. Before she could react, however, Honeymaren hugged her. And, although she was only hugging her with one arm, since she was holding the wet umbrella with her other, Elsa felt the strong arm wrapping tightly around her. Instinctively, Elsa hugged Honeymaren back, almost fiercely. 

Extending for a second longer than what a friendly hug was supposed to last, Honeymaren stepped back. However, as she was breaking free from the hug, Elsa felt her cheek brush lightly against hers, and the warmth she was feeling all around her body very quickly migrated, souther than her core. 

“Bye, Elsa,” Honeymaren said, and turned around, walking down the stairs from Elsa’s apartment, sheltering herself from the snow with her pink umbrella.

“Goodbye, Honeymaren,” Elsa responded, watching her walk towards the car and thereafter getting in it. After waving goodbye at Ryder, who was waving at her from the car, Elsa walked into her building and almost ran up the stairs.

Unlocking her door quietly, trying not to wake Olaf, Elsa almost tiptoed towards her room, closing her door slowly and carefully. After changing into her pajamas and removing her makeup, Elsa checked her phone while she brushed her teeth. After unlocking it, she saw a message from Honeymaren, and the corners of her lips turned rapidly upwards.

Honeymaren Nattura: _Happy birthday Elsa! We <3 you :D_ 1:41. 

And attached, was a photo of her with Ryder, very up close and with the two of them making silly faces. Grinning while looking at her phone, Elsa was certain she looked like a fool, but couldn’t care less. She plopped down on her bed, clutching her phone, and fell asleep smiling at the adorable picture of the two siblings.

* * *

Elsa woke up disoriented, with a bright sliver of sunlight shinning in her face and her eyelids and body, heavy. Looking at her phone, that she was still tightly clutching with her hand, Elsa saw it was well past 11 in the morning. Shocked and terrified, Elsa jumped from her bed, but as she was rushing towards the bathroom, she realized she was not late for school.

She remembered, laughing, that classes had been done for a week now, and she did not need to wake up early until next month. Sinking back in her bed, Elsa finally relaxed. She could not remember the last time she had slept past eight in the morning, and although she felt like she could sleep for another ten hours, she was also feeling extremely refreshed.

However, before she could doze back to sleep, she heard frantic scratching coming from her door. Smiling to herself, Elsa opened her door and found Olaf meowing at her, and rubbing himself against her legs, waiting to be petted. 

“Aw, I missed you too,” Elsa said, smiling and picking him up, carrying him like a baby towards the couch, were she sat whilst she rubbed his white and black fur, “did you have fun all by yourself?”

Looking up at her curiously, Olaf meowing quietly and resumed to licking his paws and purring contentedly as Elsa petted him. 

“I had a lot of fun last night,” Elsa said, running her fingers through the fur on his back and remembering her night at Anna’s house, “and I was with a good friend of mine. You should meet her sometime, she’s really nice.”

But suddenly, something outside from Elsa’s apartment fell, and the crash scared Olaf. Jumping quickly from her lap, he rushed to the balcony, trying to inspect where the noise had just come from. Following him, and looking through the window, Elsa saw a couple of workers picking up metal bars from the ground.

“That was a loud noise, wasn’t it?” Elsa asked Olaf, but immediately realized she had been talking to her cat for about ten minutes. Laughing at herself, Elsa walked back to her living room and looked at her watch. If she got ready now, she would make it in time for lunch at Blumen.

Ever since classes had been done, Elsa hadn’t frequented the café much, and even during the last week of the semester, her schedule had been so hectic that she only had time to eat lunch in her office in between meetings, grading papers and students asking for last minute revisions. 

If she was being honest, she had missed going there for lunch, and it wasn’t precisely because of the food. Even thought she and Honeymaren had gotten closer over the last couple of months, and Honeymaren had invited her to hang out with her multiple times, most of those instances had been with other people, and Elsa cherished her time with her, alone, much more. 

Lunch at Blumen was on of those times, where Honeymaren would always take a couple of minutes of work to sit with Elsa after she had finished eating, and they would chat and catch up, even if they had just seen each other the previous day. Not wanting to admit to herself how much she had missed that for the last days, Elsa shook herself to get rid of the thought and began to get ready. 

Filling up Olaf’s food bowl and distracting him with a few toys, Elsa snuck out of the apartment quietly. Walking out into the streets, Elsa marveled at the way the snow covered the ceilings of houses and the sidewalks. Even though she had lived here for 27 years, she would never get used to the wonder that came with winter time. 

Walking through the streets and enjoying the cold wind in her face, Elsa recalled the previous night and how she had told Honeymaren about Anna’s accident. She was surprised with herself, to say the least, the only person she had spoken to about it was Helga, she did not even discuss it with her sister. However, she also felt relieved. She felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, and that she could be a little bit more herself around her friend.

She had told Helga about it during one of their first sessions, a few months after her 21st birthday. She had also told her therapist how she could not stand the cold, winter, December… She had explained how it all brought her back to that day, and caused her to feel incapacitated, unable to leave her house, her bed even. 

_You cannot control the weather, Elsa_ , Helga had told her. _You cannot control the days, you can only control how you react to them, or you can choose to let them control you_. And even though at first, the advice had seemed abstract and unhelpful, after a few years of therapy and medication, Elsa was able to accept the winter as inevitable. Knowing her anxiety and PTSD would never truly go away, Elsa learned to embrace the season she had once despised, and her life had gotten much better since. 

Entering the café, Elsa removed her jacket and shook off the snow from her boots. After saying hello to Ellen and ordering her lunch, Elsa sat down in her usual table and began scrolling through her phone. Occupied with replying to Anna’s and Kristoff’s birthday texts, and the annual e-mail from the university, Elsa was startled when she heard her name being called by a voice she didn’t immediately recognize. 

“It’s great to see you, Elsa,” Yelena said with a warm smile, standing a few steps away from Elsa’s table, “are you here to see Honeymaren? Her shift ended an hour ago.”

“Oh, no,” Elsa responded truthfully, but couldn’t help but feel disappointed she had missed her, even if they had just seen each other the night before, “I’m here to get lunch, I’ve been missing the food here.”

“Right, we hadn’t seen much of you here for the last weeks.”

“I’ve been so busy…”

“Well, anyways, I have something for you,” Yelena said, but before Elsa could even reply, the older woman was already walking away from her. A minute or two later, she came back with a mug and a plate in her hands.

Setting them down in front of Elsa, Yelena said: “Cake and coffee, for your birthday!”

“Oh, wow,” Elsa said, looking at the food in front of her and, although very grateful, Elsa also felt embarrassed, “thank you so much Yelena, this is lovely. But I can’t keep accepting free coffee from you guys, I’ll drink all of your stock!”

“What do you mean?” Yelena said, with an intrigued look in her face.

“Oh, well, the free coffee thing?” Elsa asked, starting to feel a little confused herself, “frequent costumers and all that?”

“I’m not sure I’m following.”

“Oh, I mean, Ellen said… She said, you know, frequent costumers get free-I mean, they get a complimentary drink with their food…”

“Huh…” Yelena finally hummed, looking back and seeing Ellen working the cash machine, “Yeah, no, we don’t do that… I’ll ask her about it.”

“Wait!” Elsa exclaimed, before Yelena could walk away. Afraid she might’ve gotten Ellen in trouble, Elsa instead said: “I must be confused. I’m sure it wasn’t Ellen that said that. I’m sure it was someplace else. I’m sorry.”

Yelena remained quiet for a while, staring at Elsa, as if waiting for her to say something else. When she didn’t, Yelena simply shrugged and said: “well then, happy birthday Elsa, have a good one.”

“Thank you, Yelena,” Elsa said, and watched the woman walk away, entering what she assumed was her office in the back of the café. After making sure the door was shut, Elsa quickly stood from her chair and almost sprinted towards the counter, where Ellen seemed to be counting bills.

“Hey, Ellen, hi,” Elsa said, unsure of how to continue. Se did know, however, that Ellen had been giving her free coffee since October, and now she wanted desperately to know why, since she now knew it was _not_ approved by the owner.

“Hi Elsa!” Ellen chirped, with a huge smile in her face, “your lunch will be out in a second, I’ll call your name when it’s out. Happy birthday, by the way!”

“Right, thank you,” Elsa responded, and before she could chicken out, she blurted: “why have you been giving me free coffee every time I eat lunch here, Ellen?”

“Oh,” Ellen said, and Elsa could see all the color quickly draining from her face, “I mean, I-I told you, it’s complem-”

“I know the café doesn’t do ‘frequent costumer benefits’, Ellen, Yelena just told me.”

“Right… well, I mean… I-I, you know, the coffee, with lunch, it’s a-”

“Please tell me the truth,” Elsa said, interrupting Ellen’s stammering and giving her time to think of an answer.

“Honeymaren asked me to do it,” Ellen finally said, barely louder than a whisper, looking down at the floor and hiding her hands behind her back.

“Honeymaren?” Elsa asked, taken aback. She was not expecting to hear that, at all.

“Please don’t tell her!” Ellen pleaded, walking around the counter and stepping closer to Elsa, “she’d kill me, I promised I wouldn’t say anything.”

“Why did Honeymaren ask you to do that?” Elsa asked, still confused.

“I don’t know, she just did. She asked to put all the drinks in her tab, but she didn’t want you to know, so please don’t tell I told you, I promised!”

“Honeymaren…” Elsa said again, and out of the sudden, that warm feeling was creeping up on her again. Well, not _up_ , Elsa realized, and was able to easily identify the feeling from the night before, and the night of the Christmas party, after the hugs and the stares…

Gulping, Elsa began to feel very hot, and even though Ellen was still trying to explain herself, Elsa could not understand what she was saying. Feeling almost dizzy, Elsa walked to her table and sat down, covering her face with her hands and tried to calm herself down.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Elsa whispered.


	16. New Year's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! Hopefully 2021 will suck a little less. 
> 
> Warnings: mentions of abuse (emotional and physical). I wouldn’t skip this chapter, since it’s not explicit and the only paragraphs that reference it are marked with three asterisks (***) from start to finish. However, if you do choose to skip this one, just message me and I’ll give you a version without any mention of it. 
> 
> I’m sorry this one is so long, but trust me, the wait is finally over. I really think you’re gonna enjoy it ;)

Friday night, December 31st 

The following days after Ellen’s revelation had been hell. Elsa’s first reaction, as it usually was to most thing, was repression and concealing. She pushed down that feeling for almost a week, and distracted herself with Christmas shopping, errands and chores. However, when all the things she could possibly do were over, the feeling emerged again, stronger than ever.

It was only after a night of watching movies by herself, that Elsa finally accepted her feelings towards Honeymaren, all of them tinged with fear. Thinking about her everyday for the last months was not enough, apparently, but after she had longed to hold Honeymaren’s hand and make fun of the cheesy holiday movies, Elsa realized she was crushing, hard.

The days following her epiphany, Elsa had tried to contact her friend, but she had been busy every time. She had family to visit all around the country, and there was even a protest she was planning with Yelena for the upcoming year. Elsa understood, but it still stung every time she had tried to meet her and she had to reschedule.

Christmas was frantic for everyone, Elsa was well aware of that. She herself had been extremely busy with Anna and Kristoff, and it had taken her a few days to answer the messages wishing her a happy Christmas from some coworkers. Still… Elsa was desperate to talk to Honeymaren about the coffee situation, and clear up her feelings for the dark haired woman.

Sure, she remembered vividly how Honeymaren had asked her out after they had just met, and she also remembered her very clear rejection to the woman’s advancements. Could she still be interested? Elsa doubted it, she had probably moved on quickly and now only saw Elsa a friend. Regardless, Elsa _needed_ to see her, talk to her, ask her… But what if she lost her? What if she told her how she felt and Honeymaren didn’t feel the same way? Elsa didn’t think she could take the heartbreak of losing her closest friend. 

Applying the last of her mascara, Elsa looked at her phone: _6:13pm_. She still had plenty of time before Anna’s New Year's reunion. Party? Get-together? She honestly did not know. Anna had only instructed her to buy some bread rolls and carrots and to show up at seven sharp. Elsa had no idea who her sister had invited or what the dress code was supposed to be, she only knew she was not allowed to miss it or even be late. 

Since she had no idea what she was supposed to wear, Elsa opted for a pair of jeans and a cream cardigan Anna had gifted her a few months prior. Looking at her closet, Elsa smiled to herself and realized most of her wardrobe had been gifted to her by her sister.

Knowing Kristoff would get there at 6:45, Elsa took advantage of the time she had and began to organize her apartment. At this time of year, with all the snow and low temperatures, Anna would never allow Elsa to walk to their house, so Anna had asked Kristoff to drive Elsa to their house, since he was already running errands downtown. Elsa had insisted she could easily take a bus and get there by herself, but she knew deep down her sister wouldn’t allow it.

She cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the living room and organized her bathroom. After making sure Olaf had been fed and his water bowl was clean, Elsa began to put on her boots and jacket. Noticing her, Olaf ran to her and began meowing, loudly. To Elsa, it almost sounded like a toddler crying. 

“Oh, sweetie,” Elsa said, picking him up and cradling him, “I’ll be back soon! Don’t worry.”

With Olaf still meowing, Elsa walked back to the couch and sat down, petting his head softly. After a couple of minutes, his breathing became slower and his meowing stopped, and Elsa patted herself in the back. Mentally, at least. With him asleep, she quietly finished getting ready and slowly closed the door behind her.

Just as she was exiting her building and making sure the wooden door was correctly closed behind her, Elsa’s phone began to vibrate. Turning around, she saw the familiar blue car parked on the other side of the street, and the familiar blond man with his phone on his ear. Smiling, Elsa covered her head with her jacket to protect herself from the snow and ran towards the car, getting in the passenger seat quickly. 

“Shit!” Kristoff yelled, dropping his phone to the floor and turning to stare at Elsa wide eyed, “you scared me, damn.”

“Sorry,” Elsa said, embarrassed but a little amused, “I didn’t want to get wet.”

“It’s okay,” Kristoff said with a smile in his face, and began to bend forward, looking for his phone. Whilst down there, he said: “how you been, sis?”

“Fine,” Elsa said, still smiling and securing her seatbelt, “how about you? How was the rest of your weekend?”

“Oh, it was great, Ingrid loved the toys you got her. We wish you had stayed for a few more days though, Anna missed you.”

“Yeah, me too, I just didn’t want to impose. Besides, alone time is healthy.”

“Whatever you say,” Kristoff said, finally locating his lost phone and sitting back up in his seat, “next Christmas, Anna’ll probably get you to stay for more than two days.”

Laughing, removed her hat and gloves, and took a few seconds to bask in the warmth of Kristoff’s car. However, Elsa wanted to avoid any unnecessary awkwardness, so instead she asked:

“So, how’s everything back home? Your parents?”

“Everything’s great. Anna’s been working nonstop, which is a bummer,” Kristoff said, starting the car and beginning to drive north, towards their house, “for me, I mean. I’m pretty sure the refugees they’re helping are not bummed out at all.”

“Right,” Elsa said, still impressed with her sister and all the amazing work she had done in just a few years as a lawyer, helping immigrants and refugees enter the Scandinavian region, “she’s amazing, isn’t she?”

“She really is,” Kristoff said, almost dreamily, “and my parents, you know, they’re great too. Healthy, happy. They flew back home two days ago.”

The drive to the house took the usual 20 minutes, and Elsa and Kristoff spoke most of the way there. To Elsa, ever since Anna and Kristoff had met well over six years ago, Kristoff had felt like a brother to her. She had always considered him a good man, a great husband and a wonderful father. She was thankful Anna had met him and was incredibly happy to see the loving family they had formed. 

After stopping by a store to buy the things Anna had instructed, Elsa and Kristoff arrived at the house with time to spare. Helping him unload the trunk of the car, and bring all the groceries into the kitchen, Elsa’s mind wandered, back again, to Honeymaren.

Hadn’t she promised herself she would not risk her friendship with her? Only a couple of weeks ago, during the Christmas dinner right in this very house, Elsa had sworn she would never do anything to jeopardize their relationship… and now, she was daydreaming about a woman who probably did not think of her the same way.

Checking her phone, Elsa noticed her last three messages to Honeymaren were still without a response, and the last she had heard from her, she and Ryder were traveling all around the country to meet with members of their extended family. 

The café had closed for the last two weeks of the year, so Elsa hadn’t even had a chance to _see_ Honeymaren, even from afar, since the early morning of her birthday. She missed her, that could not be denied. She missed her jokes, her laughter, her understanding, her face…

Realizing how infatuated she was with the dark haired woman, Elsa began to remember her previous relationships, specially the romantic ones. She had never daydreamed about Erik’s eyes, she had never hated being apart from Petter for extended periods of time, and she definitely did _not_ miss Hans’ touch. 

***

Shuddering at the memory of her last, and longest relationship, Elsa tried to repress the memories that were rushing back. However, she remembered Helga’s advice, how pushing back bad memories would only poison her, and she allowed the images to play in her mind.

She recalled Hans screaming at her, calling her names, dragging her by the hair… She remembered the bruises in her arms, the faint scar she could still see in her jaw from that one time he threw his phone at her, the crying and asking for forgiveness. 

She remembered the emotional scars the most. The small line of pale skin on her jaw could be easily covered with makeup, or a scarf, but the emotional aftermath weighted heavily on her. Ever since her relationship with him, she had felt a deep panic of being touched. And although she knew deep down most people weren’t going to hurt her, choke her, hit her… She still refrained from touch with strangers, coworkers, friends… 

Trying to keep herself from crying, Elsa also remembered the good. She remembered finally getting the courage to leave him, the bravery to tell her sister what had happened, Anna punching him and nearly knocking him out. She recalled how she had been able to accuse him, and get a restraining order from a judge. Allowing the memories to come back, Elsa reminded herself of the closure she deserved, and the one she had gotten after almost two years of abuse. 

***

Shaking her head and regaining her composure, Elsa walked into the kitchen, were Anna greeted her absentmindedly, her head deep in the refrigerator. Instead of the usually cheerful redhead, Anna was stressed and demanding. Elsa understood, big reunions stressed her out, and Elsa tried to help her to the best of her abilities.

Without needing to be told, Elsa helped Anna with the entrées, prepped the dinning table and dressed Ingrid. The little girl had refused to wear her dress for a couple of hours before Elsa arrived, but after her aunt told her how jealous she was Ingrid could wear such a beautiful outfit, the three year old had allowed to be dressed almost instantaneously. 

Hearing the door bell, Elsa rushed with Ingrid in her arms, to the living room, where Kristoff was securing a bowtie in Sven’s collar. The dog did not seem very pleased, but had remained still for the procedure. Seeing her sister walk to the door, Elsa hung back and watched as she opened it. 

And then, she saw her. Elsa’s knees turned weak, and her arms faltered with the weight of her niece. Wanting to prevent any accidents, Elsa put Ingrid down slowly, who instantly ran off towards Sven. Straightening back up, Elsa wiped her sweaty hands in her jeans and swallowed. Her throat was tight, her mouth was dry and her ears were most definitely bright red.

Honeymaren was standing in the door, greeting Anna and Kristoff, with Ryder and Yelena behind her, all of them removing their coats. She was wearing a light pink blouse and dark blue jeans, a pair of white sneakers and her hair was free of its usual thick braid, showering down her back, dark and shinning. 

Her cheeks were red, most likely from the cold outside, and her eyes had that usual twinkle Elsa had become accustomed to seeing, and was just realizing how much she had missed it. Trying to remain calm, Elsa smiled and began walking towards the newcomers. 

Ryder and Yelena approached her first, Honeymaren hanging back near the door talking to Anna.

“Hi, Elsa,” Yelena said with a warm smile and an expression Elsa could not decipher, but reminded her heavily of mischief, “how are you?”

“Hello, Yelena,” Elsa replied, smiling back at the two of them, “I’m fine, how about you?”

“Hi!” Ryder said, smiling and with pink cheeks from the December cold, just like his sister, “we’re great! We just arrived to Arendal this afternoon, I thought we weren’t going to make it here in time.” 

“Yeah,” Yelena added, “we were visiting some folk up north, the drive back with all that snow was a pain, specially with these two bickering the whole way.”

“They’re not that bad,” Elsa said smiling, feeling weirdly protective towards the Nattura siblings. 

“Thank you!” Ryder exclaimed, extending both hands towards Elsa and then Yelena, “see? we’re great kids.”

“Hm…” Yelena hummed, but Elsa could still see the smile in her eyes as she looked at Ryder and then back at Honeymaren. Following her gaze, Elsa’s eyes also landed on the woman, who remained by Anna’s side as they poured champagne for the upcoming guests. 

“Ryder!” Kristoff exclaimed, surprising Elsa with his loud voice, “how was this semester? Are you a vet already?”

“Hi, Kristoff,” Ryder said a little more quiet than him, blushing deeply and looking down at the blond man’s hand on his arm, “it was good, but I still have one more semester to go.”

Slowly and quietly, Elsa exerted herself from the conversation, and walked to the kitchen, where now only Honeymaren stood. Anna had gone somewhere to the back of the house, looking for decorations she apparently had stashed away for special occasions, and had left Honeymaren in charge of the drinks. 

“Hey…” Elsa said softly, but still managed to startle Honeymaren, who spilled some of the red wine she was pouring. Embarrassed, Elsa rushed to grab a paper towel, but apparently Honeymaren had had the same idea, because she too turned quickly towards the back of the kitchen, and their bodies collapsed.

“Hi,” Honeymaren said, barely louder than a whisper, and stared at Elsa. Given the fact that Elsa was a couple of inches taller than Honeymaren, Elsa was once again openly staring at her caramel chest. Embarrassed and terrified, Elsa took a big step backwards and looked down to her own feet, hiding her flushed face.

“I’m sorry,” Elsa said, finally feeling her face cool down, but recognizing that usual warm feeling she felt somewhere else when she was around her friend, “for scaring you, and, well, for that.”

“It’s okay,” Honeymaren said softly, grabbing the paper tower and cleaning the spilled wine, without ever taking her eyes of Elsa for too long, “how are you?”

“I’m…” Elsa began to respond, but stopped herself before she could give her usual mediocre answer. If Elsa was being honest, the last few weeks had been tumultuous, but standing there, in that small kitchen with Honeymaren, Elsa was more than just fine.

“I’m great, actually,” Elsa finally said, releasing a breath she had been holding and enjoying the way saying that felt. 

“That’s nice to hear,” Honeymaren replied, with her smile growing and her eyes shining even brighter. If that’s even possible, Elsa thought.

“What about you? How was your trip?” Elsa asked Honeymaren, walking to the back of the kitchen and grabbing a rag. After wetting it, she walked to the spot in the counter where the wine had spilled, and helped Honeymaren get rid of the last red droplets.

“Thanks,” Honeymaren said, resting against the marble counter and still, looking at Elsa intensely, “the trip was okay, there was a lot of driving involved. But overall, it was good. We saw a lot of family members we hadn’t seen in years.”

However, before Elsa could answer, she heard the doorbell and, a second later, her sister calling her name.

“Elsa!” Anna yelled from afar, “could you get that please?”

“Sure!” Elsa yelled back, and smiled apologetically to Honeymaren. After she had nodded, Elsa left the rag where she had found it and walked towards the door, ready to greet all of Anna’s and Kristoff’s friends.

* * *

The “small reunion” had turned out to be quite the party. Almost 20 people arrived by 8 pm, and the house was booming with laughter and music. For the most part, Elsa had tried to socialize with her sister’s friends and coworkers, but their interactions had been short and superficial.

Elsa knew some of the people there from previous dinners and reunions. Anna and Kristoff loved to entertain, that was certain, and they had no shortage of friends to do it with. Being the most sociable people Elsa had ever met, she was never surprised when either of them made met new people, either from work or Ingrid’s preschool, and invited them over. 

Nearing midnight, Elsa was feeling exhausted. She was not a people person, everyone knew that, but she loved her sister to death, and would attend any event her sister had asked her to. Her introverted self had spent most of her energy in just trying to remember people’s names and all the small talk was getting to her. 

Knowing full well no one would be out at that time of night, Elsa sneaked out of the house, via the back door, towards the garden. Expecting to be alone out there, Elsa literally jumped when she saw someone else sitting in the bench closest to the house.

Her tiny yelp of fear must’ve scared the person sitting there, because they too jumped up from the bench and turned to see who had just walked out of the house. 

“I’m beginning to think you like to scare me, Elsa,” Honeymaren said with laughter in her tone, sitting back down in the bench and patting the spot next to her, inviting Elsa to sit next to her.

“I’m so sorry,” Elsa said embarrassed, glued to the floor and unable to walk towards her, “I thought I would be the only one out here.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Honeymaren said, turning back to face the garden and bringing a dark, glass bottle to her lips, “I just needed some fresh air, there’s a lot of people there.”

“Tell me about it,” Elsa said, finally able to relax, at least a little, and move her feet towards the bench. Sitting next to Honeymaren, Elsa quickly felt the heat radiating from her, and involuntarily slid closer to her, albeit not touching.

“I have to thank you,” Honeymaren said, surprising Elsa. Turning to face her, Elsa tried to convey with her face the confusion she was feeling, but Honeymaren’s gaze remained forward, looking at the snow covered fence a few meters ahead. 

“What do you mean?” Elsa finally asked, beginning to feel anxious. This was the first time Elsa had been alone, truly alone, with Honeymaren since her realization after her birthday. Elsa was excited, she had missed her friend, but she was also terrified. She had no idea if she should tell Honeymaren how she was feeling, she had no clue if Honeymaren even felt the same way, and she was petrified of the mere thought of losing her as a friend.

“I used to _hate_ the cold,” Honeymaren explained, finally turning her head and looking at Elsa in the eyes, “now, I don’t know, it’s more bearable.” 

Unsure of what to reply, Elsa just nodded, but couldn’t bring herself to stop looking at Honeymaren. Her eyes were alert, dark brown gaze searching back and forth between Elsa’s own blue eyes. Elsa realized she could stay like this, forever, just lost in the dark, beautiful eyes in front of her. 

“I missed you,” Elsa eventually said, unable to look away and, if she was being honest, surprised with herself. Since when had she been so forward? 

“Elsa…” Honeymaren whispered, taking a deep breath and removing her gaze from her, looking again ahead, towards the fence, “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Elsa asked, confused and afraid she might’ve overstepped her bounds. 

“I disappeared, I’m sorry,” Honeymaren answered, looking down at her feet, “I… after the Anna’s dinner, when we were at your place, I…”

“What?” Elsa asked quietly, feeling her heartbeat quicken. Was Honeymaren going to ask Elsa to back off? Had she been to intense with all the texting? Was Honeymaren getting tired of her?

“I got scared, Elsa. I got scared because I like you,” Honeymaren said, and Elsa took a sharp inhale, unsure she had heard her correctly, but Honeymaren continued: “I _really_ like you, okay? And I know you’re straight, and I said I respected your decision, because I do, I honestly do. But seeing you… seeing you everyday, so _beautiful_ , so funny, kind, it’s killing me.”

“Honeymaren-” Elsa began, but Honeymaren turned to look at her, with a pleading look in her face, and Elsa realized she had more to say.

“I know how uncomfortable I’m making you, and I’m very sorry, honestly. But I couldn’t keep it in anymore. Being away from you these past weeks made me realize, what I feel for you is much more than a silly crush, because yeah, ever since I met you I thought you were gorgeous. But not being able to see you, talk to you, it made me understand I _had_ to tell you this.”

“Honeymaren…” Elsa tried again, but her friend placed her hand on Elsa’s and squeezed, hard, indicating she still wasn’t done.

“I know, I have no right to say all of this. I just want to say, I understand if you want this… our friendship, to end. I know how one-sided this is, and I don’t want to force anything on you. I’ll leave you alone, I promise.”

Suddenly, Elsa could see Honeymaren’s eyes begin to water, but, as if wanting to hide it, Honeymaren quickly stood from the bench and began to walk away from Elsa, towards the house. Unable to believe what she had just heard, Elsa turned and yelled:

“Honeymaren, wait!” 

Stopping, Honeymaren turned around to face Elsa, but remained close to house, far away from her. Standing from the bench, Elsa took a deep breath and walked towards her friend, who could not hide her tears any longer, and a single one was falling down her cheek. 

Instinctively, Elsa reached out and stopped the tear with the pad of her finger, drying Honeymaren’s cheek. Terrified of how confident she was feeling, but thankful nonetheless, Elsa said:

“You’ve got it wrong, Honeymaren.”

“What?” Honeymaren asked, with a confused expression in her face, but with quiet tears still falling down her face. Stepping closer, Elsa continued to dry her cheeks, and spoke again:“I like you, too,” amazed she had been able to say those words, Elsa continued before her confidence flattered, “I really like you and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you. I… I thought you were avoiding me, all those times I texted you and you didn’t reply, I thought I had scared you off.”

“Elsa…” Honeymaren said, breathing shakily and looking at Elsa, wide eyed.

“I _really_ like you, Honeymaren. I’ve been trying to tell you, for a while now, but I was terrified you wouldn’t feel the same way…”

“You’re being serious?”

“As a heart attack,” Elsa said, groaning loudly at her choice of words. Laughing, Elsa took Honeymaren’s hands in hers and looked at her, expectantly. She could not believe any of this was happening, and from the expression on her face, neither could Honeymaren.

Every inch of Elsa began to tremble, but it wasn’t because of the cold. No, that wasn’t it. It was because of the electrifying woman standing in front of her, staring expectantly. Gathering all of the courage she didn’t know she had, Elsa gulped.

“May I kiss you, Honeymaren?” Elsa asked breathlessly. 

“Yes,” Honeymaren answered quietly, and perhaps thinking Elsa hadn’t heard her, she nodded.

Slowly, Elsa tilted her head downwards, in search of Honeymaren’s lips. Trying to keep herself from shaking, Elsa exhaled slowly, and could see the puffs of vapor coming from her mouth. Still holding her hands, Honeymaren stood on the tip of her toes and closed the distance between them.

Feeling her lips come in contact with Honeymaren’s, slowly and then all at once, Elsa felt blood rush to her ears. The slightly chapped, yet softest lips Elsa had ever felt, had her blood pumping and her mind racing. The feeling was almost overwhelming, and Elsa closed her eyes to try and regain her sense of self.

However, Elsa suddenly saw fireworks beneath her eyelids, and her core burned with that same feeling she had felt after hugging Honeymaren. However, this time, the feeling was intensified in a way that made Elsa feel it would stay there, forever.

Not that she minded. Was this what kissing was supposed to feel like? All those times, was this what she was supposed to feel when making out with the men from her past? Elsa had never experienced anything quite like what she was feeling in that very moment, and the emotions emerged in the best way they knew how. 

Feeling her cheeks dampen, Elsa separated her lips from Honeymaren’s and took a deep, although shaky breath. Coming back to her senses, Elsa’s eyes began widening, unable to fully comprehend what had just happened.

“Was…” Elsa began, not entirely sure what one was supposed to say after such an earth shattering kiss, “was that okay?”

“Oh, Elsa,” Honeymaren said, reaching up with her hand and caressing Elsa’s cheek, soft and slowly, drying her tears just like Elsa had done moments ago. “It was more than okay.”

And, before Elsa could speak, Honeymaren stood on her tiptoes once again and pressed her lips to Elsa’s, this time more determined. Feeling the softness of Honeymaren’s lips, Elsa’s parted slightly, and she could feel the other woman’s tongue teasing lightly. 

Letting go of her hands, which Elsa had been holding almost fiercely, Elsa grabbed Honeymaren’s face, and sank even deeper into the kiss. Her knees began to feel weak and, as if sensing it, Honeymaren wrapped her arms around her, grounding her. They stayed like that, exploring each other’s lips, until a loud noise emerging from the house scared them both.

Separating, Elsa laughed and realized the year had just ended. Verifying it with her watch, Elsa saw it was 12:01 am, and smiling, she looked at the house, heard all the cheering from the people inside of it. Turning her gaze towards the town, Elsa could hear the fireworks and see the faint colored lights coming from downtown.

“Happy New Year, Honeymaren,” Elsa said, grinning and softly caressing Honeymaren’s cheek.

“Happy New Year, Elsa,” Honeymaren replied, leaning into Elsa’s touch and smiling up at her, the twinkle in her eyes brighter than Elsa had ever seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did _not_ plan this, I promise it’s a complete coincidence this ended up being posted on New Year’s Eve. Let’s embrace this wonderful accident. On a less positive note, I’m taking a little time off, so I’ll only post on Wednesdays until further notice. Hope you still keep reading and commenting, I am speechless at the amount of love this fic has received. Thank you! From the bottom of my heart, thank you xx - Rem.


	17. Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa and Honeymaren clear things up

Monday noon, January 3rd 

Honeymaren Nattura: _Im here! Should i wait? or come up?_ 13:01. 

Looking at her phone, Elsa considered her response. She and Honeymaren had agreed to meet for lunch, and _talk_. Anxious wasn’t enough of a strong world to describe how Elsa was feeling at that moment. 

_Honest communication is the best basis for any relationship_ , Honeymaren had said over the phone, the day after New Year’s and that _kiss_. They both had left home shortly after, and Elsa had stayed in her bed, staring up at the ceiling and contemplating what had just happened.

Elsa could not believe she had kissed her. _Kissed!_ Another woman, nonetheless. However terrified Elsa felt at the thought, she also felt incredibly excited. Her mind couldn’t stop racing, and the next day, without even thinking about it, she had called Honeymaren, desperate to hear her voice again. 

They had agreed right then, to meet for lunch. Honeymaren didn’t have to work, the café would remain closed for another week, and the universities didn’t resume classes until the 17th of that month. At first Elsa had been excited, she would get to see Honeymaren again. But the idea that they had to _talk_ about what had happened made Elsa’s stomach churn.

Why did they have to talk about it? Elsa didn’t know what had happened, she didn’t know what that meant for them or for herself. She definitely did not want to talk about the possibility of her being queer, or worse, the obligation of coming out that came with it. 

Because she had to, didn’t she? What if Honeymaren wanted to have a relationship with her? A real one, with hand holding and kissing in public, with meeting the family and attending work events together. The mere thought of having to tell anyone, even Anna, about her and Honeymaren terrified Elsa, and her whole body began to feel cold.

Wanting to give herself time to calm down, Elsa took her phone and texted Honeymaren back.

Elsa: _I’ll be right down, give me a minute._ 13:05.

Making sure Olaf was asleep in her bed and putting on her coat and boots quietly, Elsa exited her apartment. Walking down the stairs to the first floor, Elsa practiced her breathing exercises and began to feel calmer. However, after opening the front door of her building, Elsa’s panic returned, full force.

Honeymaren was standing at the bottom of the stairs, scrolling through her phone and looking _perfect_. Elsa groaned, noticing how Honeymaren’s cheeks were pink from the cold, her beanie was low, almost covering her eyes, and the oversized jacket she was wearing made her look a child wearing their parent’s coat. Thinking she couldn’t bear the cuteness, Elsa looked down at her feet and tried to erase the image from her mind.

However, thinking about Honeymaren inevitably led to Elsa remembering their kiss a few nights before. And, instead of accomplishing what she was hoping for, the mental image of New Year’s made Elsa feel hot and flustered. Bringing her cold hands to her face, trying to cool down her burning face, Elsa exhaled slowly and began walking down the stairs.

“Hey there,” Honeymaren said, noticing her and putting her phone away. Walking up a couple stairs, Honeymaren met Elsa, and given their height difference, looked up at her, smiling. 

“Hi, Honeymaren,” Elsa replied shyly, trying to stop her hands from fiddling and taking slow, controlled breaths, “how are you?”

“I’m great,” Honeymaren answered softly, still looking up at her, but Elsa noticed how Honeymaren’s eyes shifted quickly between her own eyes and her lips, causing her own mouth to dry and her hands to sweat. Clearing her throat, Elsa finished walking down the stairs, separating herself from the woman.

“What about you?” Honeymaren said, seemingly not offended by Elsa’s sudden retreat, walking down the stairs and standing next to her, this time a little farther away.

“I’m fine,” Elsa said, placing her hands in the pockets of her coat. Wanting to ease the tension, she asked: “so, where are we going?”

“Right,” Honeymaren exclaimed, and pointing with her hand towards the end of the street, said: “There’s a restaurant a few blocks away that’s open, most are still closed for another week or so.”

Elsa didn’t reply, and instead looked down at her feet again, as they began walking. She knew her choice of diet wasn’t that common, and she was painfully aware of how inconvenient it could be for some people. It still amazed her how Anna and Kristoff had managed to adapt their dinners to food Elsa could always eat.

Like always, Honeymaren looked at Elsa, and as if reading her mind, said:

“They have a vegan menu, I checked.”

Smiling, Elsa felt her knees turn weak, so she slowed her walking pace down. Looking at Honeymaren, Elsa saw her hand twitch, as if she was going to reach out to her, but instead she just smiled and shrugged.

“Thank you,” Elsa said, and tried to convey, the best way she could, how much she meant it. She still was unable to comprehend how a person could be so understanding, so patient, so amazing. 

Knowing full well that if she kept thinking about Honeymaren and, inevitably that night, Elsa would collapse to the floor right there, she just stared up at the sky and enjoyed the warmth of the sun in her face, mixed with the cold wind from winter.

The walk to the café took less than ten minutes, and although the two of them conversed of meaningless topics, most of it was silent. Elsa could feel tension between the two of them, and although she couldn’t be certain how Honeymaren was feeling, she was sure most of the awkwardness was coming from her.

She didn’t know what to do. She had never felt that way for another person, another woman nonetheless. She had no clue what a relationship between them would entail. With men, they would ask her out, kiss her sloppily and they would end up having short, uncomfortable sex. That was the cycle, that was what she was used to. But with a woman? Was she supposed to ask her on dates? Hold her hand as they walked around town? Kiss her in public?

With her stomach churning and her ears turning red, Elsa didn’t notice Honeymaren was talking to her until she softly touched her arm.

“Hey, you okay?” She asked, with what seemed like a preoccupied expression, “you look like you saw a ghost.”

“I’m fine,” Elsa answered halfheartedly, shaking her head, trying to get rid of the terrifying thoughts. Trying to change the subject, Elsa said: “Shall we go inside? It’s pretty chilly out here.”

“For me, you mean,” Honeymaren said, laughing, but after looking at Elsa and most likely seeing her grimace, she quickly added: “I’m sorry, that was a stupid joke. Let’s go.”

Smiling halfheartedly as Honeymaren held the door for her, Elsa took a deep breath and tried to calm down. Why was she feeling so anxious? Must have something to do with the gorgeous woman standing in front of you, Elsa said to herself, and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to rid herself of the headache she felt coming.

Sitting down at a table close to the door, Elsa and Honeymaren took their time inspecting their lunch options. After a few moments of silence, the waiter arrived and took their orders, taking their menus from them and forcing them to look at each other for the first time since sitting down.

“So, this-”

“Honeymaren, I’m-”

They laughed, and Elsa motioned with her hand towards Honeymaren, instructing her to go first. Taking a sip of her water, Elsa looked at the woman in front of her and waited.

“I was just going to say,” Honeymaren said finally, twirling the cloth napkin in front of her. Could she be nervous? Elsa wondered surprised, used to the confident and outspoken Honeymaren she was accustomed. After a while, Honeymaren spoke again: “this is a bit awkward, isn’t it?”

Elsa felt the words sting, and involuntarily scowled. However, after assessing the humorous situation, her brow relaxed and she laughed. She hadn’t realized how tense she was, and probably how tense she was making Honeymaren feel. Wiping her hands in the jeans, which had began to sweat, and trying to stop her twitching leg, Elsa spoke:

“I’m sorry, Honeymaren,” Elsa said, still with a smile in her face, and feeling slightly less uneasy than before.

“For what?” Honeymaren asked, and Elsa groaned quietly. She had never been one to ‘express her emotions’, and only Helga had managed to squeeze her most inner thoughts out of her. Anna had tried multiple times, and most of those she had failed. And with her previous relationships, it wasn’t like the men _cared_ about what Elsa was thinking in the first place. Now, sitting here with Honeymaren, Elsa was realizing how much she had been willing to verbalize with her, completely voluntarily. _How odd_. 

“I don’t…” Elsa began, unsure of how to continue, “I don’t know what I’m doing, Honeymaren.”

“Who does, nowadays?” Honeymaren asked jokingly, taking a sip of her own water. She tried to reach for Elsa’s hand, but terrified anyone in the restaurant would see them and infer anything, Elsa removed her hand quickly and placed it on her lap, under the table. 

“You know what I mean…” Elsa said almost darkly, looking down at her hands, intertwined on top of her lap, her fingernails digging into the thin skin under them. After the thrill of that night had faded, and Elsa had relieved what had happened with a clear mind, the one feeling she could identify in her messy array of emotions was fear. 

“Explain it to me?” Honeymaren asked again, this time with a sweeter, kinder tone. Elsa looked up at her, and swore she could see stars in Honeymaren’s dark eyes, like a clear, night sky. Feeling braver from just looking at her, Elsa nodded. 

“I…” Elsa tired to speak, but it her throat was beginning to constrict and her mouth to dry. Taking a sip of water and giving herself enough time to think the words over, Elsa finally said: “I’ve never done this before. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

Honeymaren nodded, never taking her eyes of Elsa, but remained quiet. Elsa was realizing Honeymaren wanted her to speak, just like they had agreed on the phone. Elsa had hoped, however, that her friend would do most of the talking. _Apparently not_.

So, knowing full well Honeymaren could remain quiet all afternoon, Elsa spoke:

“I’ve never…” Elsa began, but felt suddenly paranoid, and dropped her voice to a mere whisper, forcing Honeymaren to lean forward to be able to hear her, “I’ve never been with a… with another woman.”

Honeymaren nodded again, and still, remained quiet, looking at Elsa. Beginning to feel exasperated, Elsa groaned quietly and hid her burning cheeks in her hands. However, she also realized it felt almost nice to talk about it, so after a couple of seconds, she continued:

“I don’t even know if I’m… you know, if I’m like you.”

“Queer?” Honeymaren asked softly, mimicking Elsa’s hushed tones. However, Elsa could see she was only trying to help, so instead of being annoyed, she simply nodded.

“I’m very confused Honeymaren, and that scares me, a lot,” Elsa said, this time a little louder, but not enough so the people sitting close could hear her, “I like you, I _really_ like you, but I don’t… I don’t know how to do this.”

“Elsa, it’s completely normal to question your sexuality,” Honeymaren said, and instead of focusing on Elsa’s flinching at her choice of words, she simply continued talking: “and you don’t have to do anything, _we_ don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“Right,” Elsa replied quietly, mostly unconvinced. Her panic was still rising within her, and now, given the territory they had entered, not even Honeymaren’s warm smile seemed to calm her down. 

“I really like you, too,” Honeymaren continued, extending her hand, palm up, as if giving Elsa an opportunity to grab it. Embarrassed and red cheeked, Elsa tucked her hands under her legs and did her best to look at Honeymaren in the eyes, that was the least she could do. 

“And you can’t begin to imagine how glad I am that we kissed,” Honeymaren said, almost chuckling, making her eyes shine a little brighter and her cheeks to tint a little pinker, “but you can set the pace, Elsa. We can go as slow, or as fast as you want.”

“I don’t want to rush you, and I don’t want you to think I’m ‘waiting’ on you. This is something we can do together, if that’s what you want. I can help you through this, because spirits do I know what you’re going through, or I can give you your space. Whatever you want, you have every right to explore _this_ however you want.”

“I…” Elsa began to answer, her eyes watering and bottom lip quivering, but before she could continue, a waiter arrived with their food. After they left, Elsa and Honeymaren were left there, staring at each other and at the food that had just arrived.

With only a short, shared glance, Elsa was certain she was able to communicate to Honeymaren what she was feeling. Instead of urging her to continue, Honeymaren nodded slowly and began eating. Relieved, Elsa followed suit, and in a matter of minutes, both of them had finished everything on their plates.

After paying for the food, each of them for their own meal, Elsa and Honeymaren walked back to Elsa’s building, slowly and quietly. However, this time, the silence wasn’t making Elsa uncomfortable, and she could no longer feel the awkward tension she had felt between them at the start of their… date? Was it a date? Elsa asked herself, not sure what to call this get together between them.

But Honeymaren spoke then, bringing Elsa back to Earth from the dreamworld.

“I can’t get over this building.”

“Huh?” Elsa asked, confused, looking at Honeymaren, who was standing close to concrete steps, looking up. Following her gaze, Elsa realized they had already arrived at her place.

“Your building, it’s beautiful,” Honeymaren explained, taking a step back and motioning to the four story apartment complex, with awe in her eyes, “I would love to live here.”

“Yeah…” Elsa answered, looking at the European façade and white brick, agreeing with Honeymaren, “it’s a nice place.”

“So, about what I said,” Honeymaren said, removing her gaze from the building and looking at Elsa, who was standing next to her, still looking at the closed windows in front of her, “I meant it, Elsa. You can take all the time you need.”

“Thank you, Honeymaren,” Elsa replied, blushing and looking down at her feet. However, she fought her shyness and forced herself to look at the woman standing next to her, saying: “thank you for everything, you’ve been amazing.”

“Of course.”

With her anxiety mostly subdued, and her heart racing, Elsa looked around, and after seeing her street was mostly empty, Elsa took a step forward and hugged Honeymaren, fiercely. Honeymaren hugged her back, and Elsa, like she always did, nuzzled her face in Honeymaren’s neck, not caring that the other woman was a few inches shorter. Inhaling the smell from her shampoo and her natural scent, Elsa felt almost intoxicated.

Breaking free from the hug, almost overwhelmed with feeling, Elsa surprised herself by kissing Honeymaren softly in her cheek. Shocked, she turned around and walked quickly up the stairs, wide eyed and flustered. She opened the door to the building, but, before entering, she turned on her heel and said:

“I’ll text you, okay?”

“Yeah,” Honeymaren said, bringing her hand up to her cheek where Elsa had just kissed her, and blushed, “goodbye, Elsa.”

“Bye,” Elsa replied, swiftly walking through her door and basically sprinting up the stairs. Walking into her apartment, Elsa collapsed in her bed and, looking up at her ceiling, she smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I took a little time off to be with my family for the holidays, but now I'm back to writing and updating. Thank you for your patience. xoxo - Rem


	18. Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa and Honeymaren go out on their first date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience and your concern. I was a little sick, but now I'm all better. However, getting sick didn't fuel my creativity and I've been going through what some may call a creative block. I tried writing a few times during the last week but nothing felt right. Regardless, after long hours of staring at my screen, I managed this, and I hope you enjoy it. I will try my best to stick to my schedule once again, but this semester (my last one!) is getting hectic and I might not have the time that this story deserves. I still hope you stick around, and as always, I hope you are well and healthy. xx -Rem

Monday night, January 3rd 

After such an emotionally draining outing, all Elsa wanted to do was crawl in her bed and stay there, all week if she could. However, a quarter past six, her stomach began growling, and Olaf began pacing around her room, meowing at full volume. 

Groaning, Elsa managed to get out of her bed and check on the loud cat. His food bowl was full, and his water bowl was clean, so Elsa understood he was just seeking her attention. Smiling at the cuteness, Elsa picked him up and began stroking his white fur. 

“Iloveyousomuch,” she cooed, squeezing his little body between her arms, as she hugged him fiercely and began plastering kissed around his face. Apparently content in her arms, Olaf stopped meowing and instead began purring, loudly. 

Walking to the kitchen, still with Olaf in her arms, Elsa tried to prepare herself something to eat. But, as she was looking inside her fridge to choose what she was going to make for dinner, her phone rang. Scared, Elsa jumped and hit herself in the head with the door of her fridge, which caused Olaf to leap from her arms and run frightened to the living room, knocking down the coffee table in the process.

Laughing at him, and rubbing the spot in her head she had just slammed against the fridge door, Elsa straightened and began looking for her ringing phone. Locating it next to the sink, she inhaled sharply after seeing Honeymaren’s name in big, white letters.

“Hello?” Elsa asked, trying to keep her voice as neutral as possible, trying _not_ to reveal how truly excited she was Honeymaren was calling her.

“Hi, Elsa!” Honeymaren responded with enthusiasm in her voice, “how are you?”

“I’m okay,” Elsa answered, still rubbing her head and feeling a slight bump growing. Frowning, she sat down at her kitchen table, “you? How was the rest of your afternoon?”

“Oh, it was fine, Ryder and I bought this new couch so we were just setting it up.”

“That’s nice.”

“Yeah…” Honeymaren said, but before continuing, Elsa could hear her take a deep, long breath, “So, I wanted to clear something up.”

“What is it?” Elsa asked, feeling her pitch heighten the slightest, and sitting a little straighter in her chair.

“Lunch today, that wasn’t a date.”

“Oh…” Elsa said, feeling hurt, but trying to hide her trembling voice as best as she could, “right, okay.”

“Spirits,” Honeymaren exclaimed, and Elsa could hear her groan through the phone. She could also hear someone farther away, possibly talking to Honeymaren, but she continued: “I’m sorry, that came out a little rude. Really rude, sorry.”

“No, no,” Elsa began, trying to understand why Honeymaren’s words had hurt her so deeply. It wasn’t like Elsa was expecting that just after one single kiss, however wonderful, they would become a couple. 

“Wait, Elsa,” Honeymaren interrupted her, “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“What did you mean it as, then?” Elsa asked with a quiet voice, feeling shy and a little embarrassed. She hadn’t realized Honeymaren might not feel the same way about relationships as Elsa did, and she just saw theirs as a casual thing.

“What I meant was,” Honeymaren said, once again taking a deep breath. Was she feeling nervous? Elsa wondered, and realized she had been accustomed to a confident and assured Honeymaren. Elsa remained quiet, and Honeymaren spoke: “what I meant was, today was not a date. I don’t want you to think that was a date, because I would really like to take you on a real one.”

“I’m sorry?” Elsa asked, confused as to wether Honeymaren was rejecting her or asking her out.

“Would you like to go on a date with me, Elsa?” Honeymaren asked, this time with a much more steady voice and an unwavering tone, “a real date.”

“Yes,” Elsa almost whispered, releasing a breath she had been holding since she picked up the phone. 

“Yeah?” Honeymaren asked, this time much louder than before.

“Yes, Honeymaren. I… I would like that.”

“Awesome! Does Friday night work for you? I was thinking, we could go out to dinner or something.”

“Yes, Friday works for me.”

* * *

Friday night, January 7th

Elsa was pacing back and forth in her living room, with Olaf looking at her, following her movements with his little head. Looking down at her watch, Elsa saw that she still had 15 minutes before she was supposed to leave.

Feeling her rapid heartbeat and a cold sweat in her forehead and back, Elsa accepted how terrified she was. Thinking back, Elsa realized how she had _never_ felt like this prior to a date before. Sure, she had been a little nervous, going out with someone she barely knew, just the two of them.

But this time was different. Not only was she going out with a _woman_ , she was going out with a woman that made her feel… what exactly did she feel when she was with Honeymaren? It was a feeling she was not used to, a feeling she had not experienced during her previous relationships and a feeling that scared her beyond thought.

However, the feeling also excited her. She thoroughly enjoyed the warmth she felt in her core whenever she looked at Honeymaren, and the way that feeling deepened and migrated south whenever they touched, even if it was just an accidental graze.

Deep down, Elsa knew she was crushing, hard. And although for the first few weeks of it, Elsa had refused to accept it, there was no way she could deny it after that kiss. There was no way of denying she was falling hard for Honeymaren, and although she was scared of the fact she might be queer, she was also feeling _happy_.

Elsa knew about homosexuality, she knew about bisexuality, pansexuality… She knew about what it meant on paper to be queer, but she did not know what liking Honeymaren meant for her. All she knew, was that it probably meant she was not straight and that eventually, she would have to talk to Anna about it.

Gulping, Elsa tried to burry her fear of _coming out_ to her sister, deep down within her. _One step at a time_. 

Elsa’s phone vibrated in her hand, and she looked down to see a message from Honeymaren.

Honeymaren Nattura: _Almost there! 10 mins._ 18:22

Taking a deep breath, Elsa smiled. Ever since meeting Honeymaren, Elsa learnt that she was extremely punctual, and she did not miss how, sometimes, Honeymaren was even early to their outings. Like their first time as friends, both of them had arrived to the karaoke bar almost ten minutes before they were supposed to meet.

Walking to her bathroom, Elsa looked at herself in the mirror. She was wearing a loose fitting blouse, baby blue in color, and a pair of tight dark blue jeans. She had put on makeup, just enough to cover her dark circles under her eyes and red spots in her face.

She had braided her hair, and parted her fringe to the side. Inspecting herself closely, Elsa could still see the scar in her jaw, a couple of red spots in her chin, and patchy, crimson flushing in her cheeks. Her lips were a little chapped and raw, she had been picking them for the entire day, and her nails short and bare, she had managed to remove all of her nail polish without realizing it. 

Exhaling slowly, Elsa wondered what Honeymaren saw in her, what had caused her to ask her out. Sure, she did not despise her reflection, she was mostly comfortable with her looks, but she had never thought of herself as beautiful, or _gorgeous_. Remembering how Honeymaren had used that word to describe her, Elsa blushed.

And although she didn’t see it in herself, she definitely noticed Honeymaren’s beauty. She remembered meeting her properly that day of the protest, and blushed even deeper, recalling that afternoon. Not only did Elsa remember noticing Honeymaren’s dark eyes, her strong arms and long hair, she also appreciated how understanding she had been, even before she knew her name.

Elsa recalled perfectly how Honeymaren hadn’t tried to hug her, or shake her hand, or kiss her cheek, when Ryder had introduced them. She was certain Honeymaren had noticed her aversion to physical touch, and had hung back, smiling and talking, making Elsa feel incredibly thankful.

Re-applying her lip gloss, Elsa walked out to the living room and checked everything was in order. Afterwards, she neared her door, putting on her coat and boots, and noticed, surprised, how Olaf had remained still in the couch, looking at her almost uninterested.

Reaching for her keys, making a little more noise than usual, Elsa’s gaze remained in the small cat, and she was amazed, seeing how his little head remained still, and he even yawned, not caring in the slightest that he was going to be left alone. 

Shrugging, Elsa grabbed her purse and said to him: “I’ll be back soon, don’t miss me too much.”

In response, Olaf meowed, and rolled on his back, playing with a loose string from one of the couch pillows. Laughing, Elsa exited her apartment and began walking down the stairs, taking deep, composed breaths to try to control her nerves.

Reaching for the door, Elsa hesitated, and looked down at her hand. Was she really going out with Honeymaren? Was she ready to face the implications of it? She knew that most of her fears were irrational, but her mind and heart were not communicating correctly at the moment.

Dating had been a thing of the past for Elsa. Ever since her breakup with Hans, Elsa had determined she was not a person who “dated”, and that the reason all her relationships had ended the way they did was because of her. She was the common denominator, wasn’t she?

Instead, Elsa had focused on work and her family, and she had managed to convince herself she was happy just like that. She had told herself that she did not need anything else in her life, and that dating was just a distraction. It was something that didn’t made her feel good, something she did not excel at, and something that didn’t contribute anything to her life. 

And now, here she was, waiting at her door for her date to pick her up. Not only was Elsa going to date again, she was going to date a woman. Would Honeymaren want to hold her hand in public? Would she want to kiss her after their date, in the middle of the street?

Would Honeymaren be offended if Elsa didn’t take her hand? Would she be mad if Elsa chose not to kiss her in public? Elsa couldn’t know for sure, all she knew was that everything was too new for her. She had to take it one small step at a time, and not risk being overwhelmed and run scared from Honeymaren.

Just as she was debating whether going on this date would be too big of a step or not, Elsa’s phone began vibrating in her bag. Fishing it out, Elsa’s breath hitched as she read Honeymaren’s name in her screen.

Accepting the call before she could talk her way out of it, Elsa spoke softly: “hi.”

“Hey, Elsa!” Honeymaren said, and the excitement in her tone made Elsa smile albeit her nerves. “I’m here, just parked outside.”

“Oh, okay,” Elsa replied, knowing it was too late to back out now. “I’ll be out in a second.”

“Great!” Honeymaren exclaimed from the phone, and hung up. Placing her phone back in her purse, Elsa noticed her hands were shaking. She knew it wasn’t because of the cold, but she still pulled out a pair of fingerless gloves and put them on, warming her hands but not soothing her apprehension.

Inhaling deeply, Elsa grabbed the door handle almost forcefully and walked out to meet Honeymaren. The cold wind greeted her strongly, and Elsa relished in the quiet, tranquil moments before her anxiety creeped back.

Taking determined, long strides, Elsa walked from her building towards the familiar red car, and although the winter made their nights longer and darker, Elsa could easily distinguish Honeymaren’s eyes from behind the driver’s seat windows, gleaming and twinkling like they usually did.

Honeymaren then opened her car door, and walked out of the car, and her, just standing there, literally took Elsa’s breath away. Covering her mouth with her elbow to hide her coughing fit, Elsa felt a blush rise all through her body. Dressed in a white blouse, with the first few buttons opened, and a pair of black, tight pants that clung perfectly to her curves, Honeymaren looked angelical to Elsa.

Her outfit was partially covered by a long camel coat, but seeing the way her pants revealed the shape of her toned legs or her open blouse, her cleavage, Elsa began to feel incredibly warm. Tugging at the collar of her shirt, Elsa tried to cool herself down, but staring at the woman in front of her only made that tantalizing feeling deepen south from her core. 

“Hi,” Elsa stuttered, trying her best to look at Honeymaren’s eyes and nowhere else.

“Hey,” Honeymaren replied, and Elsa noticed her blushing cheeks. However, she wasn’t sure if it was because of the cold or something else.

“So…” Elsa began, unsure of what to do next. Did she hug Honeymaren? Kiss her cheek? Shake her hand? Elsa was completely unaware if dating between women had a different etiquette than the heterosexual couples followed. With a man, although uncomfortable, Elsa always knew what was supposed to happen next. The man would kiss her cheek, pull her chair out for her, pay the check, drop her off at her house with a goodnight kiss… 

With Honeymaren, Elsa had no idea what she was and wasn’t supposed to do. However, as if sensing her discomfort, Honeymaren simply took a step forward and placed her hand in Elsa’s arm, squeezing lightly.

“You look amazing,” she said, with a warm smile and shinning eyes, “Your hair looks good like that.”

“Thank you. You look great, too,” Elsa answered, blushing an even deeper red, if that was even possible, and, trying to change the subject, she added: “So, where are we going?”

“Ah!” Honeymaren answered, with a huge grin in her face and softly guiding Elsa to the passenger seat of her car, opening the door for her. “That’s a secret!”

“Is it?” Elsa asked amused, getting in the car and feeling her nerves slip away, in part thanks to Honeymaren’s playfulness. “Don’t I get a hint?”

“Nothing, princess,” Honeymaren answered, getting into the car herself and turning it on. With the engine coming to life, the heaters on the car began doing their job, but in that very moment, Elsa was sure she was radiating much more heat than they were.

Hearing Honeymaren call her “ _princess_ ” made Elsa feel… well, she felt something she couldn’t describe, but she was certain no one had ever elicited such a reaction from her from merely calling her by a silly nickname. 

Elsa coughed again, and Honeymaren turned to look at her with an almost preoccupied expression in her face. 

“You okay?” She asked, her tone making her sound concerned. “Is the car too hot?”

“No, no,” Elsa began, but Honeymaren’s eyes on her made her feel even hotter. “I’m fine, it’s nothing.”

“You sure?” Honeymaren asked, and even after Elsa nodded in response, she rolled her window slightly, letting in a small wisp of cold air. 

Feeling the icy wind hit her burning cheeks, Elsa relaxed and looked at Honeymaren, trying to express her thankfulness with her expression. Honeymaren seemed to understand, and nodded in response, looking back to the road and continued driving.  
After a few minutes of driving south, Honeymaren parked right in front of the bay, overlooking the North Sea. Confused, Elsa looked around the car, and after seeing everything around them closed, she turned back to look at Honeymaren.

As if sensing her incoming questions, Honeymaren winked and got out of the car. Confused, but following suit, Elsa got out of the vehicle as well and followed Honeymaren, who was opening the trunk. Peeking from afar, Elsa saw Honeymaren pulling out what seemed like a heavy basket.

“Do you need help with that?” Elsa asked, concerned at the faces Honeymaren was pulling whilst lifting the basket from the car.

“Nope,” Honeymaren answered, placing the woven basket on the concrete ground beneath them. Going back to the trunk of her car, Honeymaren pulled out what looked like a blanket and a big, white thermos.

“Could you help me these, though?” Honeymaren asked, handing the blanket and the thermos to Elsa, who gladly took them from her in an effort to feel at least a little helpful. 

“So, do I get to know where we are going now?” Elsa asked, folding the blanket and looking at Honeymaren expectantly. 

“Do you remember Andreas?” Honeymaren asked Elsa, lifting the heavy basket from the ground and began walking towards a dark building. But, since the night was incredibly dark, Elsa couldn’t make out the letters written on top of the big door and she had no way of knowing where they were. 

“Yes, from the bar,” Elsa replied, rushing to keep up with Honeymaren, who was already a couple of steps ahead of her, nearing the entry of the mysterious building.

“Right,” Honeymaren said, stopping after reaching the door. Placing the basket on the floor and looking through her pockets, she added: “His brother, Tommy, he’s a friend of mine as well. He kind of owed me a favor.”

“Okay…” Elsa commented, unsure what else she was supposed to add. Looking at Honeymaren, she saw how the other woman had fished out a keychain from her coat, and was trying to locate the keyhole to open the door.

Chuckling, Elsa took her phone from her pocket and turned on the flashlight, illuminating the door in front of Honeymaren. After a few failed attempts, Honeymaren finally managed to get the key in the lock, and with a satisfying pop, the door opened in front of them.

“Anyways, he works here,” Honeymaren exclaimed, kneeling down again to pick up the basket. “He lent me the keys for the night.”

“Right,” Elsa answered, following Honeymaren into the dark building, a little apprehensive. “What is ‘here’, exactly?”

“This,” Honeymaren said, kneeling against the door and turning on the lights, “is the museum!”

Stunned by the sudden lights, Elsa’s eyes took a while to adjust to the brightness of the room. Afterwards, a smile began to form in the corner of her lips, and her heart began to swell. Looking around, Elsa realized they were in the science museum of Arendal, and she marveled at all the beautiful exhibits around her. 

“Pretty neat, right?” Honeymaren asked from behind her, starling Elsa. Chuckling, Elsa turned around and nodded excitedly, holding her hands to her chest and grinning from ear to ear. 

“But, we’re here to eat!” Honeymaren exclaimed excitedly, rising the heavy basket with both her hands and motioning with her head to the left side of the room. “Tommy gave me the keys to the planetarium as well, we could go there.”

“Oh, Honeymaren,” Elsa exclaimed, feeling her heartbeat in her chest and her eyes begin to water, “that would be wonderful.”

“Great! Follow me,” Honeymaren said, walking towards a small, metallic door that had a thick chain around it. After fumbling with the lock after a few minutes, Honeymaren managed to open the door.

Walking in, Elsa couldn’t see much. There was a faint green light on the floor, showing the emergency exit routes, illuminating the dome-shaped room she had just entered. There were about ten rows of chairs in the back of the room, and in the center, an empty space with a small desk. Approaching it, Elsa noticed a microphone, and assumed this was where the presenter stood.

As she looked around the dim lit room, Elsa was surprised when, suddenly, the entire room came to life, shinning bright lights over her head. Looking up, Elsa could see the constellations shinning above her, and the occasional shooting star. Amazed, Elsa glued her eyes to the ceiling, and didn’t notice Honeymaren standing next to her until she placed her hand on the small of Elsa’s back, bringing her back to Earth. 

“Let’s set up here, yeah?” Honeymaren asked, placing the basket next to the table Elsa had just been inspecting. “I thought a picnic would be nice.”

“That sounds lovely, Honeymaren,” Elsa replied, and began unfolding the blanket she had brought from the car. 

Kneeling down, Honeymaren removed her camel coat and started pulling out plastic tubs from the basket. Honeymaren then took the blanket from Elsa and laid it on the floor of the planetarium, making sure there was enough space for both of them and the food.

“You can call me Maren, you know,” Honeymaren said as she sat down, taking a couple of plastic mugs from the basket she had brought with her. “If you want. I know my name’s too long.”

“Do you like it?” Elsa asked her, sitting down cross legged across from her, staring. Honeymaren seemed to be processing the question as she inclined forward to take the white thermos from Elsa’s hands, making their hands brush and Elsa’s cheeks to tint with a pink flush. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Honeymaren asked Elsa, and stopped pouring the hot liquid into the mugs, looking at Elsa with a confused expression in her face, seemingly not having understood what Elsa asked. 

“Do you like being called Maren?” Elsa asked again simply, taking one of the mugs from Honeymaren and smelling the green tea she had just served. Enjoying the warmth of the beverage in her hands, Elsa kept her eyes on Honeymaren, waiting for an answer. 

“I mean, I don’t mind. It’s just, most people have trouble saying it,” Honeymaren explained, looking at Elsa, still with the same confused expression in her face. Had no one asked her before if she liked being called “Maren”?

“I think I’ll call you Honeymaren, it’s a beautiful name.”

And now, it was Honeymaren’s turn to blush. Seeing her reddened cheeks made Elsa smile, and in that very moment, she hoped she could be the one to make her flush like that everyday, with eyes gleaming brighter than the stars above them. Clearing her throat and shaking her head, trying to clear her mind from that sudden thought, Elsa complimented Honeymaren’s food and they began eating. 

After they were done with all the food Honeymaren had brought, Elsa helped her organize everything back in the basket and clean the utensils they had used. Laying on her back and looking up at the digital constellations above them, Elsa felt a tidal wave of happiness wash over her. Trying to contain her emotions, she blinked rapidly, but that didn’t stop a couple of fugitive tears from escaping and rushing down her cheeks.

“Can I tell you something?” Honeymaren asked, laying down next to Elsa and looking up at the lit up panels above both of them.

“Of course,” Elsa answered, shifting her gaze to Honeymaren, who still was looking up, with her hands behind her head, lost on the infinite groups of stars above them.

“I’ve been dying to kiss you all week, Elsa,” Honeymaren said, keeping her gaze glued to the ceiling. Elsa felt her cheeks burn following Honeymaren’s confessions, but she was not blind to the fact that Honeymaren’s already pink cheeks were deepening in color. 

“I-I… really?” Elsa stammered, feeling shy. However, wanting nothing more than for Honeymaren to kiss her in that very moment, Elsa gathered the courage she didn’t know she had and said: “why haven’t you?”

Elsa saw Honeymaren’s eyes widen as she remained looking up, and rapidly, turned around to look at her. Elsa could see that usual twinkle in her eyes, but she was something else in her expression. She couldn’t pinpoint it, but it seemed to her like something between smugness and shyness. 

“Would you like that?” Honeymaren asked, adjusting on her side, propping her head with one of her hands, looking at Elsa with that same expression, making her stomach flutter and her core, heat up.

Instinctively, Elsa’s gaze drifted downwards, and her eyes landed on Honeymaren’s lips, making Elsa’s mouth water. Although small, much like most of Honeymaren’s facial features, her lips were full, and bright red. Elsa gulped, and unconsciously licked her own lips, nodding slightly.

In an instant, Honeymaren leaned forward, and her lips collapsed with Elsa’s, almost forcefully. Unlike their first kiss, which had been slow and timid, this one felt desperate, as if both of them were scared it would end as quickly as it began.

Grabbing Honeymaren by her neck, Elsa leaned in closer to the kiss, pressing their bodies together. Honeymaren’s hands began exploring Elsa’s back, but stayed there, never daring to touch any lower. And although Elsa was thankful for Honeymaren’s respectfulness, she wanted to feel her closer, so she pulled her by the neck again, earning a low moan emerging from the woman’s lips.

With their legs intertwined and their hands exploring each other, Elsa was dying to get to know more of Honeymaren, and slowly, ran her tongue through her lips, earning yet another low moan. Her lips parted, and Elsa took the opportunity to enter her mouth with her tongue, exploring the deep, warm space she had been longing to get to know.

With her toes curling, and a fistful of hair, Elsa pressed herself even closer to Honeymaren, who also began to explore Elsa’s mouth with her tongue, making Elsa squirm on the inside and cause something between a moan and a groan escape her throat. Embarrassed, Elsa broke from the kiss, and took advantage of their distance to finally breathe.

“Woah,” Honeymaren said, herself sounding a little breathless, with pink cheeks and plump lips. Laying down in her back, and looking up at the starry ceiling once again, Honeymaren’s chest rose and fell rapidly, and she ran her hands through her hair, trying to remove her bangs from her face.

“Was… was that-” Elsa began asking, but Honeymaren interrupted her, jumping from where she was laying and giving her a small peck in her lips.

“Elsa,” she began, taking one of Elsa’s hand in her own and kissing it with warm lips. “It was amazing.”


	19. Exploration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: this chapter is sexually explicit, marked (***).  
> If you choose to skip it, here’s a little summary: Elsa’s job doesn’t start for another two weeks, she is bored out of her mind, and after watching a _certain_ movie in TV, realizes she had never allowed herself to be aroused. After some research, she encounters lesbian porn made for women. She masturbates, and understands why she had never enjoyed her sex with men. She comes with Honeymaren on her mind.  
> The second part (after the asterisks) is not explicit and I encourage you to read it. It concerns Elsa coming to terms with her sexuality and having an earnest conversation with Honeymaren about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, my computer totally broke. Thankfully I have all of my data backed up in the cloud, so I lost no files. However, I sent it to be fixed and it's gonna take a while for it to come back (also fixing a laptop is incredibly expensive :c). Still, I'm going to try to write from my phone in the meantime, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to get much done without a real keyboard.  
> I'm so sorry for this story's inconsistency, I'm trying my best and I hope you stick around.  
> Stay healthy, xx. - Rem

Saturday morning, January 8th

Their date had ended well. After organizing the planetarium and leaving the museum as they had found it, Honeymaren drove Elsa back home. Given the fact it was still early in the night, and Fridays were usually busy nights in Elsa’s street, Honeymaren said goodbye to her in the car, giving her a small chaste peck in her lips and watching her from the driver seat enter her building. 

Shortly thereafter, Elsa had checked on Olaf, who had eaten the food Elsa had left for him and now was curled up in her bed, sleeping. Afterwards, Elsa had quickly gotten ready for bed, brushing her teeth and removing her makeup, and had fallen asleep, replaying her night with Honeymaren in her mind, over and over again.

Now, Elsa was sitting in her couch, sipping a mug of hot coffee at seven in the morning, playing with Olaf and an old toy Anna had gotten for him a few years back. Retrieving her phone from between the couch pillows, Elsa pondered about what one was supposed to do during a Saturday when there was no work to be done. 

Still on winter break, Elsa’s work didn’t begin for another two weeks, and she was already having a hard time coming up with things to do during her vacation. What exactly was she supposed to do with two whole weeks of free time? Whatever did she do the years prior? 

Scrolling through her phone, Elsa found herself bored out of her mind. She had never learned how to enjoy her free time, and considering most of the time she had things to do for work, it had never occurred to her that a time would come when she would have an entire day, an entire week, completely to herself. 

Knowing there was no way she could go back to sleep, Elsa turned on the TV in her living room and began browsing through the channels, looking for something even halfway interesting to keep herself occupied, at least until lunchtime. After stumbling into a romantic comedy that seemed somewhat interesting, Elsa settled into her couch and began watching. The film followed the usual Christmas love tale of intertwining stories, and soon Elsa found herself entranced by the corny narrative. 

However, nearing the end of the movie, after seeing two women on screen share a passionate kiss, Elsa quickly turned off the TV, blushing deeply and feeling very, very warm. She stood to open her windows, and after cooling down a little with the cold winter air, she sat back down in the couch, covering her face with her hands. 

_What the hell was that?_ She asked herself, shaking her head and looking down at the remote control, laying next to her in her couch, taunting her. Thinking that she was acting childish, Elsa grabbed the remote and forced herself to turn on the TV, to watch. With her screen coming back to life, Elsa watched the women kissing, and felt her cheeks heat up. However, she did not remove her gaze from the movie, nor turn off the TV or distract herself with her phone. 

The kissing progressed, and soon after, the women were laying in a bed, slowly removing their clothes. However embarrassed, Elsa forced herself to continue watching, and her eyes began to widen as she saw the romantic scene turn erotic. The universe, nonetheless, took pity on Elsa, and after a couple of seconds of nudity, her screen turned black and the scene changed. 

And Elsa was left there, in her couch staring at her screen, with a feeling deep in her core, almost painful, that had been refusing to leave for the past weeks. After a couple of minutes of pondering, Elsa’s eyes grew wide, and she felt her whole body flush as realization hit like a wave of ocean water. She was aroused. 

Why had it taken so long for her to understand? Sure, she had never felt _this_ for someone else, but Elsa couldn’t be that agonizingly oblivious, could she? Standing quickly from her couch, Elsa looked around the living room and saw Olaf eyeing her, curiously. With an idea forming in her mind, Elsa walked quickly into her bedroom, closing the door behind her and making sure Olaf remains in the living room, far away from what she was about to do.

Squeezing her legs together as she sat down in the edge of her bed, Elsa felt a specific bundle of nerves fire up, and her body flushed once again. Elsa felt hot, sweaty and incredibly bothered. She was extremely turned on, and however hard she tried, the image of a brown haired woman with dark eyes and strong arms kept appearing every time she closed her eyes. Retrieving her laptop from under her bed and a pair of headphones from her nightstand, Elsa took a deep breath.

“You can do this,” she said to herself out loud. She unlocked her computer, but, when she tried to type what she was seeking in her browser, she noticed her hands were trembling, and her left leg couldn’t keep still. “Everyone does it.”

Taking another deep breath, seven inhales, seven exhales, Elsa managed to slowly type the dreaded words in a private browsing window, and began clicking through the results. The little porn she had seen before that moment was straight, and it was painfully obvious that it was designed for the male gaze. Video after video in the random webpages she had entered made Elsa wince, and nothing caught her attention.

After watching some very upsetting videos, Elsa considered the probably that watching porn wasn’t for her. Although she had skipped the entire heterosexual section of the pages she had visited, the women in the videos couldn’t be comfortable, could they? All of them had incredibly long nails, wouldn’t that hurt? All of them were completely hairless down there. That wasn’t natural, was it? Overall, the experience was turning her off quickly and she was considering giving up. 

Just before, however, Elsa considered adding the term “for women” to her search, just in case. She knew perfectly well most porn was designed specifically for men, but she was also aware of the fact some companies produced films marketed for women. She also knew how the industry was known for exploitation and manipulation, so she focused on finding a brand committed to ethically filmed content.

Elsa had always been conflicted by porn. On one hand, she was a firm believer that sex work was work, and that a woman was free to do whatever she pleased with her body. However, on the other hand, Elsa had just rectified most of the content being filmed was centered around the objectification of women and the pleasure of men. 

Settling for a German company that claimed to be ethical and film with only women, Elsa paid for a couple of videos (she believed that, just like with streaming services, people should pay for their porn) and settled in her bed, almost shaking with anticipation. 

***

The first of the two videos showed a woman pleasuring herself, and Elsa watched mesmerized as the woman transitioned from playfully teasing herself with a toy to climaxing with her own hand. Squeezing her legs once again, Elsa felt a surge of electricity travel from her centre to her extremities, to the tip of her fingers and toes. Her entire body felt hot, and Elsa hastily removed her robe, settling back down in her bed in only a pajama shirt and her underwear.

Afterwards, she watched the second video, this one with two women, and Elsa was surprised at how different it was compared with the first ones she had seen. These women were much more real to Elsa, their nails were trimmed, they had body hair where body hair was usually found, and they seemed comfortable with each other. Amazed at how different this video made her feel, Elsa felt her arousal return, this time much stronger than it had been before.

Reaching for her left breast with her hand, Elsa experimentally squeezed over her shirt, and a rush of pleasure so intense came over her that she shut her eyes tightly, trying to process it. Feeling unsatisfied, however, she quickly removed the insulting piece of fabric and, thankful she wasn’t wearing a bra, brought her hand again to her chest, this time rolling a pebbled peak between her index finger and thumb. A low, slow moan escaped her throat. 

And although Elsa had never _masturbated_ before, she understood her anatomy well enough. And she definitely understood that the dampness between her legs was a strong, positive reaction to what she was watching and doing with herself. Reaching under the elastic hem of her underwear, going past the mound of thin, blond curls, Elsa gasped audibly when the middle finger of her right hand came into contact with unbelievably slick folds. 

With her eyes locked on the screen in front of her, Elsa moved her hand almost timidly, separating her folds with her fingers and shuddering in response. Goosebumps on her skin and a thin layer of sweat forming in her brow, Elsa began stroking a little quicker, putting extra pressure on the enlarged bud between her legs, feeling a gush of energy every time the pad of her finger passed over her centre. Her eyelids began to flutter, and she arched her back away from her bed, stiffening her finger against herself. 

Feeling her heartbeat quicken and her breath become shallow, Elsa’s free hand shot up to her right breast, feeling instantly her hardened nipple and lightly pinching with her fingers. Absentmindedly, Elsa closed her laptop in front of her and returned to touching herself, one hand in her centre and the other in her chest. 

As her pace began to quicken, and the edges of Elsa’s vision turned blurry and dark, the image of Honeymaren appeared in Elsa’s mind. Closing her eyes and breathing forcibly through her teeth, Elsa’s only thought was of the dark haired woman that had kissed her senseless the night before. Now, nearly panting, Elsa’s hands worked quickly and roughly, stroking and squeezing, picking up speed after every second. 

And then, Elsa’s moans became loud and rough. Behind her eyelids, stars and fireworks appeared as Elsa reached her climax. Still touching herself rapidly, Elsa extended her orgasm for as long as she could, feeling her entire body shudder with pleasure and her toes curl. Elsa came, hard, with Honeymaren in her mind, imagining she was the one causing the delight Elsa was feeling in that very moment. 

“Gods,” Elsa groaned, her hand still under her panties and whole body electrified. Laying down and looking up at her ceiling, Elsa breathed out slowly. 

***

After coming down from her high, Elsa finally removed her hand from her underwear and sat in the edge of her bed, making sure she _wouldn’t_ press her legs together. Still breathing heavily, Elsa stood and walked to her bathroom, where she washed her hands and changed her panties, which were completely soaked through. 

Looking at herself in the mirror, Elsa found her hair tousled and sticking to her forehead, and her cheeks tinted with a deep shade of red. Splashing cold water on her face, Elsa began to feel a little more refreshed. Still inspecting her reflection, Elsa also noticed the fact that her eyes were shinning, and the usual blue color had turned deeper, darker. Her breasts, still uncovered, felt tender and sensitive, and her nipples were taut and hard.

Elsa walked out of her bathroom and quickly put on some clothes, an old pair of jeans and a white long sleeved shirt, and walked to the living room, where Olaf was lazily playing with the blanket on the couch. Smiling down at him, Elsa blew a kiss from afar and went to her kitchen, where she took out the bag of kibble. Measuring out Olaf’s portion of food, Elsa’s mind began to wonder. She thought about Honeymaren, about their date, about their kiss… 

With weak knees and sweaty palms, Elsa carefully served the cat food in the metal bowl under her dinning table. And, after 27 years of concealing, of not allowing herself to feel, Elsa finally uttered the words she didn’t know she had been so afraid of.

“I’m gay,” she breathed out, and felt the weight of the world lift of her shoulders. Exhaling slowly, with the ghost of a smile on her lips, Elsa said them again. And again and again. Almost like a mantra, Elsa felt more comfortable with the words after every repetition, and by the time she sat down to watch Olaf eat his food, Elsa finally admitted to herself that she had been hiding who she truly is for her entire life.

But, before she could smile, an invasive thought attacked her. _Anna!_. Elsa would have to tell her sister, wouldn’t she? How could she have a relationship with Honeymaren, or any woman for that matter, without telling her sister? But the mere thought of emitting those words she had almost just chanted to anyone else made Elsa panic.

With a racing heart, Elsa stood from her chair and began pacing her apartment, one breath in, one breath out, seven times over, trying to calm herself down. However, images of her sister, disappointed, angry, _disgusted_ , kept appearing in her mind, and in that moment, Elsa was sure her anxiety rose to unprecedented levels. 

In moments like this, Elsa usually called Anna, and she managed to calm her down in a matter of seconds, but right now, Anna was the last person in the world Elsa wanted to call. So, without thinking too much about it, Elsa called the first person that came to mind, the other person who had managed to calm Elsa down with just her presence. 

“Hey,” Honeymaren replied with a soft, sleepy voice, just after one ring of the phone.

“Shit,” Elsa whispered, looking down at her watch. _10:39 am_ , Elsa laughed. “Did I wake you?”

“Don’t worry about it, princess,” Honeymaren replied, her voice croaky and slow. That, and the fact she had just called her _princess_ again, made Elsa’s knees tremble and the bud of nerves below her core, still sensitive from before, to tighten up. 

“Not a morning person, are you?” Elsa asked, trying to lighten the mood, and give herself enough time to cool down. Sitting down, avoiding crossing her legs, Elsa exhaled sharply.

“I’m more of a night owl myself,” Honeymaren answered, her voice a little clearer. “Anyways, what’s up?”

“Right,” Elsa said, dreading the part that came next. Breathing slowly, deliberately, Elsa began. “I’ve been thinking.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m ready.”

“Ready for what?”

“I…I mean,” Elsa stuttered, unsure of what to say next. What was she ready for, exactly? She wasn’t ready to come out, not to everyone at least. She wasn’t exactly ready to date, at least not in the traditional sense. “I figured it out, Honeymaren.”

“I’m not sure I’m following, Els,” Honeymaren said sweetly, and Elsa swore she would’ve melted, right then and there, if it wasn’t because of the below zero winter morning. Two nicknames in the same conversation had Elsa dying. 

“Okay, here it goes,” Elsa said, taking a deep, long breath, and saying to someone else, for the first time in her life: “I’m gay.”

“Oh, Elsa!” Honeymaren said loudly, the excitement in her voice making Elsa relax a little. “I’m so happy!”

“Thank you,” Elsa said, a little softer, blushing lightly and looking down at her feet. 

“I mean, after that kiss last night,” Honeymaren began, and Elsa could hear the smile in her voice, “I was hoping you were at least questioning.”

Elsa laughed at Honeymaren’s joke, and after feeling the tension fade away, added: “I’m a lesbian, Honeymaren.”

“And I’m so proud of you!” Honeymaren almost screamed, making Elsa lean away from her phone, albeit with a grin on her face. 

“I’m gay, but I don’t know if I’m ready to be out, not yet,” Elsa added, wincing a little, hoping it wouldn’t kill the mood.

“Of course, Elsa,” Honeymaren said, her voice quiet again, serious.

“I don’t think I’m ready to tell Anna, Kristoff… the people at the university. Is that okay?”

“Elsa, remember what I told you Monday. We can go as slow as you need. I’ll be here every step of the way.”

“Thank you, Honeymaren,” Elsa responded, releasing a breath and for the first time in years, began to imagine what a life with someone else, someone by her side all the time, would be like. She smiled.


	20. Green Tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elsa brings Honeymaren home after a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is slightly sexual, but I don't think it merits a warning. They just kiss, a lot.  
> Enjoy! Part 2 is coming soon, I promise ;)  
> -Rem.

Saturday night, February 5th

Dating Honeymaren had turned out to be much easier, less stressful than Elsa had imagined. Honeymaren respected her boundaries, and allowed Elsa to set the pace. They had kept their interactions private, and Elsa never felt exposed to the public, or pressured to come out. 

And although Elsa was incredibly thankful for how respectful Honeymaren was, every single time they were together, Elsa was also getting restless. After four wonderful dates, where Honeymaren had taken Elsa to the most glorious places, Elsa couldn’t help how worked up she got when they were together. Their kissing became more intense, more passionate, after every outing, but just as things were getting more serious, Honeymaren pulled away. Every. Single. Time.

And although Elsa wanted to believe it was just Honeymaren being considerate and thoughtful, a part of her couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Honeymaren didn’t want the same as Elsa. Didn’t she feel the same electricity every time they touched? Didn’t she feel the same urge to ravage her every time they kissed?

Elsa was surprised with herself, she couldn’t lie. She had never considered herself a sexual being, but ever since discovering the wonders of the female orgasm, Elsa couldn’t remove the mental image of Honeymaren being the one causing such ecstasy in her. Moreover, she couldn’t stop imagining what pleasuring Honeymaren would feel like, what she would taste like, what her walls around her fingers would…

Shaking her head, Elsa forced herself to stop thinking about it. With Honeymaren sitting across from her, Elsa couldn’t afford a full body flush. How would she explain it? Drinking her iced tea, trying to cool herself down, as she often had to around Honeymaren, Elsa breathed deeply, her eyes still on her date. Feeling her warm cheeks, Elsa pressed the back of her cool hand to her face, causing Honeymaren to eye her curiously. 

"You okay?" She asked, with that same mischievous twinkle in her eyes that always made Elsa squirm in her seat. 

Waving her hand towards Honeymaren, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible, Elsa said: "Oh, it's nothing. I just got a little warm."

"Hmm," Honeymaren replied, not taking her eyes of Elsa. Her expression shifted, but Elsa couldn't figure out what it could mean, her eyes darker than usual and hooded slightly by her eyelids. 

Elsa opened her mouth to ask Honeymaren what she meant, but before words could come out, a server approached their table. 

"How was the food?" She asked cheerfully, looking between the two women expectantly.

"Oh, everything was wonderful," Elsa replied, carefully dabbing the sides of her mouth with her cloth napkin. "Thank you very much."

"Of course!" the server said once again, this time approaching their table and quickly clearing their empty plates and glasses. After leaving behind the tab and saying a quick goodbye, the server walked away from their table and both Honeymaren and Elsa were left staring awkwardly at each other and at the small white paper between them.

Reaching for the tab, Elsa was shocked to see Honeymaren doing the same. Looking at her with a stern expression, Honeymaren tried to grab the receipt from Elsa's hand, However, Elsa playfully swatted Honeymaren's hands away, bringing the small paper closer so she could see the total and calculate the tip. 

"None of that," Elsa said, and before Honeymaren could protest, she added: " _I_ asked you out tonight Honeymaren, let me do this."

Honeymaren looked like she was about to protest, but after opening and closing her mouth a couple of times, she simply nodded. Smiling, Elsa took her credit card from her bag and called the server to their table. After paying for their meal, Elsa and Honeymaren stood and slowly walked towards the exit.

"Thank you," Honeymaren said. Elsa looked down, noticing how the shorter woman's hand twitched, as if she wanted to lift it, but Honeymaren quickly tucked it in the back pocket of her jeans.

"It was my pleasure," Elsa replied, holding the door for Honeymaren, who took a sharp inhale after a rush of cold winter air hit both of them in the face. 

"I mean it," Honeymaren said, stopping as they were walking down the stairs, gaining a bit of height by standing a couple of steps above Elsa. Honeymaren’s eyes were still a shade too dark, and were causing something deep to stir within Elsa. Licking her lips slowly, Honeymaren added, "thank you, Elsa."

Unsure of how to reply, and hyperaware of Honeymaren's stare boring into her, Elsa blushed and bit her lip. She felt a warm flush all around her body, and the light winter jacket she was wearing suddenly felt too heavy and hot. Utterly unable to form comprehensible words, Elsa nodded meekly and began walking down the stairs quickly, escaping Honeymaren's ardent gaze. 

The neighborhood was quiet, the street they were walking empty except for a few people exiting their cars and rushing to the entrance of buildings. The February night was cold, a crisp strong wind howling as it went through windows and garbage cans. And although by then it had stopped snowing, the dark was still enveloping the town before six and most residents were sane enough to not wander the streets at this time of night. Most of them, anyways.

Looking at her right, Elsa noticed Honeymaren was shivering, walking slowly, with her head between her shoulders and her teeth were clattering. Still flustered from their previous interaction by the door of the restaurant, Elsa removed her scarf and held it out for Honeymaren, willing for her to take it. 

"Are you crazy?" Honeymaren asked, shock in her face. "You'll be frozen solid in minutes."

"I won't," Elsa replied calmly, still holding out her purple scarf towards her date. "You need it more than I do, trust me."

Eyeing her the same way she had when Elsa had insisted to pay, Honeymaren stood still, her gaze flickering between the purple wool scrunched in Elsa's hand and Elsa's own face. After what seemed like minutes, Honeymaren finally sighed and took the scarf from Elsa's extended fingers. 

With a smug expression, Elsa watched as Honeymaren wrapped the scarf around her neck, and wasn't oblivious to how she breathed in deeply, seemingly taking in Elsa's scent and basking in the warmth coming from the scarf. (And although Elsa was loving how happy Honeymaren seemed, she was _not_ going to admit how she had added a little extra perfume to her scarf before leaving the house, just in case Honeymaren got a little cold.)

Not shivering anymore, Honeymaren picked up her walking pace, standing closely to Elsa and radiating a nice warmth Elsa did not want to lose anytime soon. Talking as they walked, Honeymaren told Elsa about her week at Blumen, how Yelena "wouldn't stop nagging her about Elsa not going as often as she usually did" and about Ryder, and how excited he was for his last semester at university.

Elsa was so content listening to Honeymaren talk, that she didn't notice they had arrived at her building until Honeymaren stopped talking and eyed her with that usual curious, amused expression. Elsa cleared her throat, and looked up, as if trying to convey to her body that they had, in fact, arrived home.

However, her feet wouldn't move, and no matter how hard she tried, she remained glued to her spot, her gaze shifting from Honeymaren to her building. Playing with a loose strand on her fingerless gloves, Elsa remained quiet, with the other woman staring back at her, a silent question in her eyes. 

"I had a wonderful time," Honeymaren finally said, resting against the staircase rails leading up to Elsa's building door. "Thank you for everything."

"Me too," Elsa replied sheepishly, bitting her lip to keep herself from grinning like an idiot. And, before she could overthink it, she added: "Would you, maybe, I don't know, want something to drink? I have coffee, or tea. You look... cold. We could go upstairs for a while. If you want."

Honeymaren's eyes widened suddenly, and Elsa noticed a small blush creeping up in her cheeks. She raised a questioning eyebrow, and Elsa swore she would've melted right there and then, if it wasn't for the 20 degree night. She was certain Honeymaren had understood she wasn't just offering her a warm beverage for the night.

"Yeah?" Honeymaren finally asked, breaking the tense silence that had surrounded them. "You sure?"

"Mhm," Elsa mumbled quietly, nodding her head vigorously to convey how _sure_ she was. She just hoped Honeymaren felt the same way.

"Okay, then," Honeymaren said, smiling. "Lead the way."

Nodding once again, Elsa climbed up the short staircase and after locating her keys, opened the front door of her building. She held the door open for Honeymaren, who walked in slowly, shrugging off her jacket in the process. As she waited for her to enter, Elsa looked down at her hands holding the thick, wooden door, and was surprised to see how still they were.

On the inside, Elsa felt she was about to implode, her teeth clenched together and the butterflies in her stomach going haywire. However, on the outside, she was amazed at how calm she seemed. Her hands weren't shaking, her face didn't feel flushed and her mind was as clear as it would ever be.

 _I want this_ , Elsa admitted to herself, smiling as she too removed her jacket and motioned for Honeymaren to follow her upstairs. _I_ really _want this_. 

The walk up the four stories leading up to her apartment helped Elsa relax. She unclenched her jaw and breathed deeply, and thought about the woman walking closely behind her. Was she thinking the same as Elsa? Were they on the same page about what was going to happen after they walked through Elsa's door? Elsa could only imagine what was going through the beautiful woman's mind at that moment. 

"This is it," Elsa said. The small, silver numbers on her door read _401_ , and Elsa could see the faint shadow of a certain cat lurking behind it, pacing back and forth, waiting for Elsa to go inside. Before inserting her keys into the door handle, Elsa stood a little more straight and looked back at Honeymaren, who was quietly looking around her floor. 

Noticing Elsa looking at her, Honeymaren turned around and, seemingly understanding Elsa's silent question, she simply nodded. Elsa bit back a smile.

 _I want this_ , Elsa told herself once again. _And she wants it too_.

Breathing slowly, restraining herself from jumping up and down, Elsa unlocked her door and was ambushed by the white and black cat that had been waiting for her return. Reacting quickly, Elsa caught him mid jump and nestled Olaf to her chest.

"Hey, little man," Elsa cooed, surprised at how amorous the small cat was acting. She couldn't remember the last time Olaf had been that excited at her coming home. Holding him with one hand, and smiling apologetically, Elsa motioned for Honeymaren to enter her apartment. 

"I'm sorry for this one," Elsa said after Honeymaren had walked inside. Closing the door behind her, Elsa tried to set Olaf on the floor, but he refused to be let down and clung to her clothes with his small, but very sharp claws. "He's usually not this enthusiastic about me coming home."

"It's okay," Honeymaren responded, with a small smile on her face. "I wouldn't want to share you either. I get it."

Elsa gulped, feeling her confident facade crumble and a red flush begin to form in her chest. Sure, they had flirted before, they had been going out for about a month now and had had some pretty intense make out sessions in the car, but this time, something was different. The air felt thicker, warmer, their intentions clearer. Feeling safe in the privacy of her home, with the unspoken promise hanging in the air between them, Elsa's core was burning up and it took all of her self control not to jump Honeymaren in that very moment. 

Instead, Elsa took Honeymaren's jacket from her hands and, along with hers, hung it in the coat rack behind the door. Still holding Olaf with her right hand, Elsa began walking towards the living room, motioning for Honeymaren to follow, who had remained standing in the hallway, staring at Elsa with that same dark, intense expression. 

"Olaf, this is Honeymaren," Elsa said quietly to the small cat as both her and Honeymaren began to take a seat in Elsa's couch. "I really like her, and I would love it for her to come back to visit us, so you have to play nice. Okay?"

As if hearing his own name being called, Olaf looked up at Elsa from her lap and meowed. In response, Honeymaren laughed and Elsa stiffened. _I just said that aloud_ , she thought, and as soon as realization hit, she began to feel her face blush a deep, hot crimson. 

"Hey, Olaf," Honeymaren said, and instead of focusing on Elsa's dorkiness, played along, reaching slowly to pet the small cat's head, between his little ears. "It's nice to meet you, I've heard great things."

Laughing uncomfortably, unbelievably ashamed she had just introduced her cat as if he was a human child, Elsa set him in the couch and stood, quickly walking towards the kitchen. 

"Anyways, what would you like to drink?" Elsa asked, trying to hide her awkwardness by burying her head inside of her fridge, pretending to be looking for something. "I don't actually have beer, or wine. Or any alcohol, really. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, Elsa," Honeymaren called from the couch. Elsa could hear the warmth in her voice from the kitchen. "I'll have whatever you're having."

Looking around her kitchen drawers, trying not to panic, Elsa thought of what she could offer her. To drink, at least. Elsa wasn't ready to have a mental breakdown thinking of all the things she was sure she couldn't give Honeymaren in a relationship. Why had she asked her upstairs offering something to drink? She didn't have much. She had coffee, but she wasn't sure a cup of black coffee at 8 p.m. wasn't the greatest idea. 

After rummaging through her pantry, Elsa finally located a blend of green tea she sometimes had when she didn't want caffeine in her system. While water boiled in her kettle, Elsa added the dried leaves to a couple of infusers she found in her top drawer and took out a couple of mugs. Did Honeymaren take her tea with milk? Elsa only had oat milk, did Honeymaren like it? Did she drink tea with cookies? Or did she prefer it by itself? _Gods_. What if Honeymaren didn't even like tea?

Stopping her mid-thought, her kettle began to whistle, indicating the water had begun boiling, and Elsa didn't have time to over analyze her decision of drinks. Taking out a small package of sugar cookies, plating them, and serving the hot water in the mugs, Elsa reminded herself to breath. 

_Calm down, everyone drinks tea_.

_But what if she hates it?_

_She won't hate it. Who doesn't like tea?_

_I know for a fact Kristoff-_

"Elsa? Is everything okay?" Honeymaren called again from the living room, bringing Elsa out of her mental debate. Shaking her head, Elsa took out the metal infusers from the cups, setting them in the sink. Just as a precaution, she also took out a small pot of honey from her pantry and served a small amount of oat milk in a small ceramic jug. 

"Coming!" Elsa called back. Balancing everything in a tray she found hidden behind her pots and pans, Elsa walked out of the kitchen and towards the living room.

However, as she reached the small coffee table in front of the couch, her legs faltered, and she had to steady herself quickly to prevent herself from dropping everything in her hands. In front of her, Honeymaren was still sitting in her couch, but what surprised Elsa was the fact that the small, usually very timid cat, was curled up in her lap, purring happily.

"I would love to help," Honeymaren said as she rubbed the spot between Olaf's ears, "but I don't think he would like very much it if I stood up."

Certain she looked like she had just seen a ghost, Elsa tried to hide her face as she kneeled on the carpet in front of the couch, and set the contents of the tray in front of them. 

"What is it?" Honeymaren asked, still petting Olaf softly. 

"Nothing," Elsa said, looking at her from her spot in the carpet. "It's just. Well, he doesn't really like... I mean, he's quite shy. He doesn't warm up to people easy."

"Hm," Honeymaren hummed, looking between Elsa and the small white and black cat in her lap. Lifting his front paw and letting it fall, seeing how tame the cat was acting, Honeymaren laughed and added: "He must like me, I guess."

"That makes two of us, then," Elsa remarked, walking to the dining table to place the tray and heading back to the living room, taking a seat next to Honeymaren once again, this time daring to sit a little closer than before.

Noticing the arrival of someone new, Olaf lifted his head from Honeymaren's lap and regarded Elsa with his big, green eyes. However, thinking better of it, he yawned and settled back down in between the other woman's legs, purring once again. 

"Everything looks amazing, Elsa," Honeymaren added, shifting her gaze from the cat to Elsa, her intense gaze almost digging into Elsa's soul. "Thank you."

"Oh, it's nothing. I hope you like tea, I wasn't sure what you wanted, and I'm sorry I didn't have anything better to drink. I don't really buy alcohol and coffee didn't seem like a good-"

"Els," Honeymaren interrupted her, placing her warm hand in Elsa's arm, instantly calming her down. "It's perfect, I love tea."

"You do?" Elsa said, daring to look straight at Honeymaren's eyes after having settled her gaze in the coffee table in front of them. A warm feeling settled in her core, in response to the nickname. The butterflies in her stomach were getting anxious, and Elsa tried to breath slowly, whatever she could do to calm them down. 

"Of course," Honeymaren smiled, making Elsa squirm in her seat. "Although, I have to ask."

"What is it?" Elsa asked in a high pitched tone. Clearing her throat, Elsa tried to hide the panic in her voice and hoped Honeymaren hadn't noticed her stiffened back.

"You didn't really ask me up here for tea, did you?"

"What do you mean?" Elsa gulped. They were having this conversation now, wether she wanted to or not. 

"Don't get me wrong, everything looks delicious, but I just wanted to be sure. What do you want, Elsa?"

Elsa took a deep breath. She knew what she wanted in that moment, what she _really_ wanted. She wanted Honeymaren in her bed, but how was she supposed to say that? She wasn't sure her mouth was capable of emitting those words. Instead, she stood from the couch, and after a second of hesitation, leaned forward.

Honeymaren seemed surprised, wide eyes staring up at Elsa, lips slightly parted. However, instead of doing what Honeymaren was probably expecting, Elsa smiled teasingly, and in one swooping motion, lifted Olaf from her lap.

Elsa stood straight and, with Olaf whining in her arms, walked away, towards the dining table, where he sometimes slept, in his small, fluffy bed. He tried once again to cling to her clothes, to avoid being put down in the bed, but Elsa managed to free herself from him and place him in his bed.

"You have to stay here tonight, little guy," Elsa said to him softly, rubbing his back and tail. "I have a girl over and I think you're distracting her."

After a couple of seconds of petting him, his eyes began to flutter closed and his breathing became softer, deeper. Satisfied, Elsa stood from behind her dining table and walked back to the living room, where Honeymaren was sitting, completely still, with the tea in front of her now cold and untouched. 

Standing a few feet away from her, Elsa was once again struck by Honeymaren's beauty. Although they had seen each other almost daily since September, although it had been almost 5 months of knowing each other, Elsa couldn't believe she hadn't gotten used to her. She couldn't believe still, after all that time, every time she saw her, her heart seemed to skip a beat, her hands to shake and her throat to dry. 

She was staring at Elsa, those big, dark eyes like the winter night sky outside. Mysterious, never-ending, so very alluring. Honeymaren's breathing seemed to be connected to Elsa's, every time she took a breath Elsa felt the air being sucked out of her lungs. Without her jacket and the purple scarf, Elsa could see the white blouse Honeymaren was wearing. As always, the first few buttons were open, revealing her dark skin, and that cleavage that made Elsa's mouth water every single time her eyes landed on it.

Not wanting to make her uncomfortable, Elsa quickly averted her eyes from Honeymaren's chest and brought them back to hers, which were still staring directly at her. The ghost of an amused smile decorated Honeymaren's lips, most likely indicating she had caught Elsa's staring. 

Taking another deep, controlled breath, Elsa closed her eyes for a second and made a decision. She wasn't going to let her nerves, her fear, control her. She wanted to be with Honeymaren, and she was not going to let her inner saboteur ruin this for her. Opening her eyes again, Elsa began walking towards the woman sitting in front of her.

Seeing Elsa walk towards her, Honeymaren uncrossed her legs and looked up, a mixture of awe and _want_ plastered across her face. Before Elsa could second guess herself, she leaned forward and carefully straddled Honeymaren's legs with her own, bringing her hands to the back of the other woman's head, softly twisting strands of silky, thick, dark hair between her fingers.

"This," Elsa said softly, so quiet she for a second doubted Honeymaren hadn't heard. But she had, judging by how her nails dug into Elsa's thighs in response. 

"Huh?" Honeymaren asked, wide eyed like a deer in headlights. 

"I want this," Elsa repeated simply, bringing her face closer to Honeymaren's and leaving a trail of wet, open mouth kisses in her jaw.

In a instant, the catious Honeymaren transformed. Her shy, tentative touches became erratic, strong, determined. Honeymaren’s hands left Elsa’s thighs and wrapped around her back, pulling Elsa closer to her until their chests were against each other. Honeymaren’s lips found Elsa’s, and although they had kissed before, Elsa gasped at this new feeling. 

The kiss felt desperate, hungry, as if at any moment it could be taken from them. Never had Elsa experienced such an intense sensation, never had a kiss felt so passionate, so vehement. Honeymaren's hands moved frantically, grabbing fistfuls of Elsa's blouse, bringing her closer with every heartbeat. 

The butterflies in Elsa's stomach transformed, tiny explosions going off inside of her. Elsa's nipples responded instantly to being pressed against Honyemaren, stiffening rapidly, almost painfully. Elsa was hyperaware of the fact that, given the fact she wasn't wear a bra, as usual, the pink, taut peaks were poking through her blouse, but she mentally thanked her past self for choosing a dark blue color, instead of white.

The sensation suddenly became too much, and for a second Elsa forgot to breath completely. Pulling away, Elsa gasped and only after a gush of air entered her lungs, did she realize how they had been burning from a lack of oxygen. Opening her eyes, Elsa saw Honeymaren from up close, her pupils dilated to the point that the black seemed to almost swallow her dark brown irises entirely. Her breathing was ragged, as if she had just jogged up the stairs.

Elsa's heart was beating so loudly, she was certain Honeymaren could hear it. Shaking her head slightly, Elsa laughed quietly at herself, and after a moment, she began to feel her breath become more controlled. When she finally felt like she could talk without gasping for air, Elsa spoke:

"Honeymaren, that was..." Elsa began, watching the woman sitting beneath her carefully. Her shoulders were rising and falling rapidly, her eyes were wide open and her mouth, dark, swollen and faintly parted. 

"Yeah," Honeymaren said, her voice barely a breath and her strong hands caressing Elsa's back in a slow, circular pattern. "I know. It was..."

It was now or never, Elsa thought. Climbing slowly down from Honeymaren's lap, instantly missing her body heat in her legs, Elsa sat next to her in the couch and turned to face her, taking her hands in her own.

"Honeymaren, I'm ready," Elsa said, trying her best to keep her eyes fixed on Honeymaren, trying to not be embarrassed about baring herself so profoundly to someone else. 

"Elsa?" Honeymaren asked, and Elsa understood all the meaning behind it. She was making sure Elsa was sure of what she wanted, because like her, Elsa was certain that once Honeymaren began, she wouldn't be able to stop herself. 

"Take me to bed, Honeymaren," Elsa answered quietly, standing from the couch and holding her our for Honeymaren to take it. She tried not to cringe at herself, she had never been this forward, and she was sure Honeymaren could see the way her face heated up in response. 

However, Honeymaren didn't seem to mind, or even notice, Elsa's awkwardness, and instead, she simply took Elsa's hands and stood from the couch. Given their height difference, Honeymaren had to tilt her head upwards a little to face Elsa directly. Honeymaren turned her head, and motioned towards the door, silently asking about Elsa's bedroom.

Elsa nodded shyly, and afterwards was softly tugged towards the closed door leading to her bedroom. Honeymaren tentatively reached for the door handle, but before turning it, looked at Elsa once again, that same unspoken question in her gaze. Elsa nodded again, perhaps a little to vigorously, and in response, Honeymaren opened the door, pulling both of them inside.


	21. First Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Honeymaren and Elsa have sex for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter is sexually explicit.  
> You can skip this, if you want, it doesn't add much to the plot. This is complete, total smut. If you choose to do so, here's a little summary: Elsa and Honeymaren have sex for the first time. It's awkward, uncomfortable at times and the best experience of Elsa's life. Honeymaren agrees.

Saturday night, February 5th 

In contrast to her living room, Elsa's bedroom was completely engulfed by darkness. As they stumbled inside, Elsa could barely make out the outline of her bed or nightstand. However, she was not entirely preoccupied by the arrangement of her furniture in that moment, given the fact that the second the door closed behind them, Honeymaren had Elsa pinned to it, her hands around Elsa's sides, pressing herself close, so _amazingly_ close.

Elsa had to remind herself to breath, but the feeling of Honeymaren's open mouthed, hot kisses in her face, her cheeks, her neck, was making it damn near impossible. Her knees buckled, and Honeymaren took the chance to hold her even closer, placing her hands of Elsa's hips and her mouth on the sensible skin behind her left ear. 

Elsa's skin was covered in goosebumps, and a dangerous moan escaped her lips. Elsa wasn’t sure it was possible for her to blush more than she had moments before, but a deep heat in her cheeks indicated it wasn’t totally true. Honeymaren wasn’t bothered by Elsa’s forwardness, and on the contrary, seemed to interpret her unintentional sounds as an encouragement to continue. 

Removing her lips from Elsa’s neck, Honeymaren asked softly in her ear: 

“Can I touch you, Elsa?”

Elsa tried to speak, tried to produce any kind of noise from her mouth, but her throat was completely dry, her tongue an useless mass of muscle. Instead, a high pitched whimper escaped her lips and Elsa nodded, once, twice, enough times for Honeymaren to understand just how much she wanted that. How much she _needed_ it. 

However, Honeymaren didn't seem satisfied, and asked once again, this time louder, her husky voice causing Elsa's skin break into goosebumps.

"Was that a yes, princess?"

"Y-yes," Elsa managed to finally answer, her voice quiet and rough.

Honeymaren's hands traveled to the small of Elsa's back, pulling her closer and away from the door. At the same time, one of her legs pressed between Elsa's, directly to her center, making a sharp pang of pleasure shoot up from her core to her spine and a loud moan escape from deep within her chest. 

Black spots began to invade Elsa's vision, but after closing her eyes, stars appeared behind her eyelids. Elsa was so aroused she was having trouble standing up right, and Honeymaren seemed to noticed. Taking a step back, Honeymaren removed herself from Elsa, and Elsa instantly missed her touch, her warmth.

However, not even a second after she had pulled away, Honeymaren grabbed Elsa by her hand and pulled her closer. In a swift motion, she spun Elsa around, the back of her knees hitting her bed, making her fall to the soft mattress behind her. 

Now it was Honeymaren's turn to straddle Elsa, but instead of tentative and shy like Elsa had been moments before, Honeymaren was quick, certain. Their mouths crashed once again and Elsa's eyes rolled to the back of her head, the intensity of their kiss almost too much to handle. 

Honeymaren grabbed a fistful of Elsa's hair and pulled her head back softly, exposing her neck. Honeymaren pressed her lips to Elsa's pulse point, taking a little of the thin skin between her teeth and biting slightly. In response, Elsa brought her hands to Honeymaren's back, and slowly lifted the back of her shirt, giving her time to say no, or stop her, but she never did.

Elsa's hands came into contact with the warm skin of her back, and Honyemaren seemed to swallow a gasp. Elsa began to feel the goosebumps quickly forming under her fingertips.

"Damn," Honeymaren whispered, moving her head so she could kiss the other side of Elsa's neck. "Your hands are freezing."

"I'm so sorry!" Elsa exclaimed, rapidly removing her hands from under Honeymaren and pulling back, but before she could place them under her legs, Honeymaren grabbed Elsa by her wrists and said:

"Hey, stop. It's fine."

"I-I'm..." Elsa began, but Honeymaren didn't let her finish, kissing her mid sentence and stunting her into silence.

"Elsa, stop," Honeymaren said, this time much more sternly. "Don't apologize for that, I don't care that your hands are cold, why would I?"

"I-I didn't..." Elsa stammered, unsure of how she was supposed to proceed. "You don't?"

"Of course not!" Honeymaren laughed, bringing Elsa's hands to her mouth and slowly kissing each on of her fingertips. "I don't know which spirits I have to thank for this, but... I'm honored to have you touching me with these."

"Stop," Elsa answered, embarrassed and looking down at her lap. Her face burned, and she would've covered her entire face with her hands if Honeymaren hadn't been holding on to them so fiercely.

"Hey, I'm serious. Don't apologize for things like that."

"I... Okay, I-I won't."

"Good," Honeymaren said, but before Elsa could reply, Honeymaren let go of her hands and in one swift motion, removed her white blouse. 

Surprised, Elsa quickly averted her eyes, not wanting to stare directly at Honeymaren's chest, like she usually did. Honeymaren threw her blouse across the room and met Elsa's gaze, one eyebrow raised mischievously. 

"Like what you see?" She asked, bringing one of her hands to caress Elsa's cheek, which felt hot and so red. Although the room was pitch black, Honeymaren's eyes must've gotten used to the darkness, and she could probably see Elsa's whole body flush by now. 

Was Elsa supposed to speak? Was she supposed to answer? She had no idea what to say, how to talk like that. Was Honeymaren dirty talking? Was Elsa supposed to do the same? Was she even able to do that?

At the end, Elsa just nodded. Because she _did_ like what she was seeing, she liked it very much. Cautiously, Elsa lifted one of her hands and placed it on Honeymaren's waist, her cold fingers coming into contact with Honeymaren's warm, soft skin. Honeymaren leaned into her touch, and Elsa took that as a sign of encouragement. Using both of her hands, Elsa began to draw circles with her fingertips, tracing the muscles in Honeymaren's stomach, which were contracting and relaxing every time she took a breath. 

In response, Honeymaren put her hands behind Elsa's head, and carefully began to undo her braid, releasing each strand slowly. When it was finally loose, Honeymaren ran her hands through Elsa's hair, passing her blond strands through her fingers and letting it fall.

The felling of Honeymaren playing with her hair, combined with the feeling of her skin under her fingertips suddenly became too much, and Elsa closed her eyes, tilting her head backwards and releasing a deep sigh. However, as soon as her eyelids covered her vision, Elsa felt Honeymaren's hands leave her hair, and one of them grab her softly by her chin.

"Elsa, look at me," Honeymaren said, her tone making Elsa's eyes shoot open instantly. Her blue eyes met Honeymaren's dark ones. Her pupils were so dilated her eyes looked almost completely black, and there was a deeper expression hidden behind them. _Lust_ , Elsa realized. Elsa couldn't take her eyes of that beautiful, mysterious and captivating gaze.

"No, Elsa," Honeymaren said again, this time pulling Elsa's head downward by her chin. " _Look_ at me."

And then, Elsa understood what Honeymaren meant. Tearing away from her eyes, Elsa's gaze traveled slowly downwards. She saw Honeymaren's long, sleek neck, the beauty marks decorating it and a thin, silver chain around it. Then, she moved her gaze a little more, and was met with her chest. Honeymaren's cleavage was pronounced, and her breasts were covered with a white, lace bra. The fabric was thin, and Elsa quickly saw her dark, round nipples under it, stiffened to the point were they seemed they were going through rip through the fabric. 

Something deep within Elsa twisted, and the sensitive bundle of nerves between her legs felt tight, almost as if it was pulsing. Elsa took a deep breath, and carefully lifted one of her hands. Cupping Honeymaren's breast through the fabric, Elsa heard Honeymaren breath in through her teeth, and saw her throwing her head back, her eyelids fluttering closed.

A low moan escaped Honeymaren's lips, and in that moment Elsa realized all she was feeling was want. A deep, uncontrolled want to be with Honeymaren. Removing her hands from Honeymaren's chest, Elsa began to unbutton her blouse, one button at a time, with Honeymaren still straddling her, breathing heavily and with wide, lustful eyes. 

After all of the buttons on her blouse were opened, Elsa shrugged it off, letting the silky fabric fall from her shoulder, pooling at her sides. Painfully aware of how exposed she was without a bra, Elsa inhaled deeply as cold air reached her chest. Honeymaren's eyes were glued to her breasts, and although she was embarrassed to be bare in front of her, another part of Elsa couldn't help but feel proud of the way Honeymaren seemed to be looking at her, eyes wide, mouth parted, looking as if she was about to drool. 

"Fuck, Elsa," Honeymaren whispered, "you're so beautiful."

"I-I..." Elsa stammered, fighting the urge to cover herself with her arms and instead, sitting a little straighter and cupping one of Honeymaren's breasts again, slowly circling her nipple with her thumb over the fabric. "So are you, Honeymaren."

Honeymaren moaned again, and without missing a beat, surged forward, pushing Elsa softly. Elsa's back hit her soft bed, and she felt Honeymaren scoot closer, now straddling Elsa's hips. Honeymaren leaned forward, and kissed Elsa's chest, right in her sternum. If it weren't for the fact that Honeymaren's weight was holding her down, Elsa's would've been squirming uncontrollably. 

Honeymaren's mouth then traveled to one of Elsa's nipples, at the same time her hand cupped Elsa's exposed breast. Softly kneading it with her hand, Honeymaren ran her tongue over her right nipple, making Elsa see white. The muscles in her arms and legs spasmed, and she bit down a curse.

Honeymaren didn't stop, and, still kneading, took the wet nipple in her mouth, sucking hard until it popped free. Elsa's hands traveled to Honeymaren's back, searching for the clasp of her bra, but right when she was about to open it, Honeymaren's free hand grabbed her by the wrist, pinning it above Elsa's head. 

"Not yet, princess," Honeymaren said as she released Elsa's nipple. Switching sides, she began to give her left nipple the same attention the other one had just received. Elsa could only whimper, her muscles still spasming and her vision white with black spots around the edges. Still holding one of her hands above her head, Honeymaren released Elsa's right breast, taking Elsa's other hand and placing it next to it.

With both hands above her head, exposed from the waist up, Elsa felt incredibly vulnerable. She could feel Honeymaren's gaze burn as she stared up and down her torso. However, she also felt unbelievably aroused, and felt like she would combust any second if Honeymaren didn't touch her _now_. 

"Honeymaren," Elsa breathed, "Please."

"Are you sure?" Honeymaren asked, her hand pinning Elsa's wrists and her mouth inches from Elsa's.

Understanding her question, Elsa nodded quickly. But Honeymaren stayed still, looking at her with a serious expression, one eyebrow raised questioningly. 

"Y-yes," Elsa stammered, certain she wouldn't be able to hold on much longer. "I'm- I am. I'm sure."

With one quick nod, and still holding Elsa's wrists still, Honeymaren began to unbutton Elsa's jeans with her other hand. As she did, her gaze never left Elsa's eyes. She was giving her the chance to say to no, to back out if she didn't want to continue, but that was the last thing Elsa wanted to do in that moment. Pushing herself off the bed, as far as she could at least, given her pinned hands, Elsa reached up to kiss Honeymaren, trying to convey how ready she was.

Thankfully, Honeymaren didn't need any more convincing, and after getting the button from Elsa's jeans open, she moved backwards and began to remove them. Helping her, Elsa lifted her legs and buttocks, to aid the removal of her too thick, too in the way, jeans.

Throwing her pants on the floor, Honeymaren settled back down, pushing Elsa back on the bed, resting on Elsa's thighs, and without any warning, slipped her hand inside of Elsa's panties. Elsa gasped, her back arching from the bed and her hands, although restrained, managed to hold on to the bed sheets.

"Fuck, you're so wet, Elsa," Honeymaren exclaimed, running her middle finger through Elsa's folds, very obviously avoiding the swollen bundle of nerves in her center. Elsa could feel her arousal increase by ten fold after every movement of Honeymaren's fingers, and she tried to lift her hips, to increase the contact between them, but Honeymaren pushed her back to the bed with her own body weight.

After long, agonizing minutes of Honeymaren teasing her, of Elsa trying to get some sort of release, Honeymaren's fingertip finally brushed over Elsa's clit, and Elsa lost control. Low, rough groans emerged from her mouth, a thin sheet of sweat formed in her brow and her nails digged into her palm from clutching to her sheets so fiercely. 

The feeling was incredible, and as Honeymaren began to stroke her, lazy circles putting pressure on her center, Elsa's vision blurred once again, fireworks appearing behind her eyelids and explosions of electricity going off in her limbs. The sounds coming out of Elsa's mouth were louder now, rougher, almost animal-like.

But she didn't care, because she could feel her climax building up inside of her. Ever since her first orgasm, Elsa had masturbated a couple of times after, always coming with images of Honeymaren on her mind, but what she was feeling in that moment was a hundred times stronger, better.

Because in that moment, it wasn't her own fingers causing the pleasure, it was _Honeymaren_. It was the wonderful, strong, funny and gorgeous Honeymaren making her reach probably the best orgasm Elsa would feel in her life. 

Honeymaren stopped, but before Elsa could protest, she felt Honeymaren pulling down her panties, tugging softly. Lifting her hips once again, Elsa exhaled deeply after Honeymaren finally removed the offensive, probably completely ruined, fabric. Honeymaren took Elsa's legs by her knees, and spread the wide. Elsa felt the cool air reach her center, but in an instant Honeymaren's finger was back where Elsa needed it the most. 

Elsa's breath hitched, and Honeymaren took it as a sign that she was close, picking up speed and stroking harder, faster. Elsa could see only flashes in front of her, the way the muscles in Honeymaren's forearm contract from the position she was in, she could see how her hair stuck to the sides of her face and how one of the straps of her bra fell down her arm. 

Elsa tried to concentrate on her face, to look at Honeymaren in her eyes, but after every second Honeymaren's touch became stronger, bringing Elsa closer to her climax. When the sensation became too much to handle, Elsa's eyes rolled to the back of her head, splotches of bright colors appearing, clouding her vision.

Yellow, orange, bright pink. Elsa's back arched, her hands still pinned above her head.

Lime green, blue, violet. A scream erupted from deep within her chest, making her throat feel raw.

Red, the brightest red she had ever seen in her life. Her orgasm was taking over her entire body, but right when she thought it couldn't possible get any more intense, Honeymaren leaned forward and in a quick motion, grabbed one of Elsa's nipples between her teeth, biting down softly. 

Elsa screamed again, and again. She was certain she cursed, she called Honeymaren's name, the spirits or gods or whomever the fuck was out there, Elsa called out to all of them, because what else could she do? 

Coming down from her high, Elsa panted, her back down in the bed again and her arms tired from being held by Honeymaren's strong hand. Honeymaren was still stroking her between her folds, careful to avoid that _one_ spot. Elsa was sure her fingers were completely soaked by Elsa's arousal, her hand cramped from remaining in that same position for so long. 

Honeymaren removed herself from Elsa's lap, and she immediately felt the absence of her body heat, missed it greatly. She settled next to her, laying on her side and propping her head up on one of her hands, looking at Elsa. Elsa felt her intense gaze, almost burning through her skin, but she was way too flustered, her energy almost entirely depleted, for her to feel embarrassed. 

"Honeymaren, that was..." Elsa began, but she couldn't form any coherent words. She couldn't, it was physically impossible to tell Honeymaren how amazing she had just made her feel, how incomparable that experience had been to anything Elsa had ever experienced. "I-I'm definitely gay. No doubt about it now."

Laughing, Honeymaren threw her head back and fell on the bed, her arms widespread. It took a while for her cackling to calm down, but when it did, she said:

"I'm glad." Honeymaren brought the back of her hand to dry the tears that had formed in her eyes. "This cramp was definitely worth it."

Elsa wanted to reply, to make some sort of joke or witty rebuttal, but she removed her gaze from her ceiling and looked at Honeymaren laying next to her, her mouth went dry. Honeymaren's chest was rising rapidly, her face had a faint, pink tint around her cheeks and her entire upper body was covered in a thin layer of sweat, illuminating her albeit the dark room. 

Elsa felt something tugging her towards the woman laying next to her, like an invisible string pulling her. She sat slowly, and turned to face her. Honeymaren looked at her, and licked her lips. Elsa scooted closer, crossing her legs and sitting close to Honeymaren, one of her hands touching her bare, warm abdomen.

"Honeymaren?" Elsa asked, trying to calm herself down. She was fidgeting with a loose thread from her sheets, and was having a hard time looking at her. 

"Yeah?" Honeymaren said, lifting her head enough to be able to look at Elsa up front. 

"I-I feel..." Elsa began, feeling Honeymaren's intense gaze devour her, from head to toe. In her nakedness, Elsa felt exposed, vulnerable, but the way Honeymaren was looking at her, she couldn't help but feel incredibly turned on. "I think you're overdressed, Honeymaren."

"Oh," Honeymaren replied, looking down at her own lace bra and blue jeans. "Elsa, you don't have to-"

"I know," Elsa interrupted, leaning forward, focusing all of her attention on the woman in front of her. She rested her elbows on the bed, holding her face with her hands mere inches from Honeymaren's. "I want to."

"Are you sure?" Honeymaren asked, her warm breath tickling Elsa's eyelashes.

"Yes." Elsa said curtly, and then crashed her lips with Honeymaren's. Kissing her was like drinking cold water after a workout; no matter how much you drank, that deep thirst never seemed to be quenched. Elsa deepened the kiss, and felt Honeymaren's tongue graze her own, her teeth taking her bottom lip and bitting softly. 

Excited, Elsa tried to adjust her position, so she could be closer to Honeymaren, but in the process, their foreheads crashed together, making them spring away from each other. Elsa's hand raised involuntarily to Honeymaren's head, concerned she had hurt her. 

However, Honeymaren just seemed confused, and without skipping a beat, broke into laughter again. Elsa was relieved she hadn't hurt her, but that feeling was soon washed away by embarrassment.

"I'm so sorry!" She exclaimed, bringing her knees close to her chest and tightly wrapping her arms around them. "I-I... I don't know what I'm doing Honeymaren, I'm so sorry I hurt you."

"Hey," Honeymaren said, sitting up in one quick motion and grabbing Elsa's hands, holding them in her own. "It's okay, Elsa. Look at me. I'm okay, you didn't hurt me."

"I'm sorry," Elsa repeated herself, trying to breath deeply and calm herself down. "I just, I don't-I've never-"

"Hey, hey. It's fine. I know, Elsa. We don't have to do anything you don't want to do, anything you're not comfortable with."

"I know... But I want to, I just don't know... _how_."

How else was Elsa supposed to explain it? How could she possibly verbalize that she had no clue where to even begin, that she had no idea how to make Honeymaren feel like she had just made her felt. 

"Els," Honeymaren said again, bringing Elsa's hands to her lips and kissing them, "just do what feels right."

Elsa nodded, and after Honeymaren had let go of her hands, Elsa placed them on Honeymaren's shoulders and softly pushed her to the bed. Carefully climbing over her, Elsa placed her knees on each side of Honeymaren's torso, resting on them. 

Looking at her expectantly, Honeymaren lifted her hands and placed them on Elsa's thighs, drawing circles with her fingers, each one nearing closer to her inner legs. Elsa's felt her arousal rise again, her eyes flutter closed, but before she could be caught off guard, she grabbed Honeymaren firmly by her wrists.

"It's my turn," Elsa said sternly, and Honeymaren simply nodded, returning her hands to her sides, and waited.

Elsa leaned forward, and kissed Honeymaren. She kissed her lips, her cheeks, her jaw, her neck and her collarbone, dedicating the time each one of her body parts deserved. Sucking experimentally on the thin skin that covered the small bone above her chest, Elsa heard Honeymaren make a quiet sound. It almost sounded like a stifled moan. 

Encouraged, Elsa allowed her hands to wander, tentatively exploring Honeymaren's upper body, moving from her stomach to the mounds covered by a thin, delicate fabric. Looking down, Elsa could see the hardened, dark peaks barely concealed. Mesmerized, Elsa took one between her index finger and her thumb and rolled it. This time, Honeymaren apparently wasn't able to hold it in, and a loud, rough moan escaped her lips. 

Wrapping one of her arms around Honeymaren's back, Elsa was able to locate her bra's clasp. Lifting herself slightly from the bed, Honeymaren gave Elsa enough space to undo it, and in one rapid motion, Honeymaren finished taking it off. The white bra flew to the other side of the room and Elsa was left staring at Honeymaren's chest.

Honeymaren's nipples were dark and taut, and the skin around them had broken into faint goosebumps. Enchanted, Elsa leaned forward, her mouth meeting Honeymaren's chest. Slowly, Elsa kissed her dark peaks, while she explored the rest of Honeymaren's torso with her hands. 

One of Honeymaren's hands flew up to the back of Elsa's head, grabbing a fistful of hair and softly bringing her closer, their bodies pressing to each other and the skin on skin contact making Elsa see white all over again. Regaining her composure, Elsa allowed one of her hands to wander south, reaching the button of Honeymaren's jeans. 

Looking up, blue meeting brown, Elsa was met with a slow nod. Prying open Honeymaren's jeans, Elsa sat straighter and tugged the pants off. The white panties matching the lace bra Elsa had just removed made her mouth water, and not wanting to wait another second, Elsa settled next to Honeymaren, her right hand on the other woman's abdomen.

One of Elsa's legs settled over Honeymaren's, and Elsa cherished the warmth spreading all throughout her thanks to the contact. Her hands were shaking, colder than usual, but Elsa was willing to power through all of her nerves if it meant pleasuring Honeymaren, even if it was a mere fraction of what Elsa had just experienced. 

Inhaling deeply, Elsa moved her hand until it reached the hem of Honeymaren's underwear, and after a second, her fingers slid under it. Elsa heard Honeymaren's breath hitch, and when she turned to look at her, saw her with her eyes closed, hands griping the sheets under them.

Elsa's fingers slid further down, past the curls and reaching the folds of Honeymaren's center. They were slick, and Elsa's fingers moved effortlessly up and down, slowly exploring all of Honeymaren. Parting her outer lips with her fingers, Elsa allowed her thumb to hover over Honeymaren's clit, and instantly another low, rough moan emerged deep from Honeymaren's throat. Her eyes were firmly shut, and her lips were parted, her breathing uneven.

Elsa begun drawing circles with her thumb, remembering what Honeymaren had done minutes ago and what Elsa had done to herself days before. After a minute or so, Elsa saw how Honeymaren's chest began to rise and fall much more rapidly, and how her knuckles were turning white from griping the sheets.

Tentatively, Elsa placed her middle finger in Honeymaren's entrance, unsure if Honeymaren would enjoy it. However, before she could doubt herself further, Honeymaren let go of the sheets, grabbed Elsa by her wrist and said:

"Yes."

Nodding, mostly to herself since Honeymaren's eyes were shut again, Elsa entered Honeymaren with her finger, slowly and carefully, not wanting to hurt her in any way. Elsa wasn't the biggest fan of penetrative sex, and before this, most of her sexual encounters had been uncomfortable if not down right painful. 

However, Honeymaren didn't seem to be in pain. Quite the opposite, actually. She was biting her lower lip, one of her arms draped over her face, and her breathing was coming in quicker, shorter. 

Having enough understanding of female anatomy, Elsa curled her finger upwards whilst inside Honeymaren, and was amazed to see how Honeymaren reacted. A scream of pleasure escaped her lips, and her back arched slightly.

Assured she was doing the right thing, Elsa kept circling Honeymaren's clit while curling her finger, eliciting the most wonderful moans from the woman next to her. 

"Faster," Honeymaren managed, her voice rough and breathless. 

Not needing to be told twice, Elsa picked up speed, and in a couple of seconds, had Honeymaren producing sounds Elsa had never heard before. Beautiful, desperate and ragged moans, each one louder than the other, were coming from Honeymaren's lips, indicating to Elsa that she was close to her climax. 

Pleasure washed all over Elsa as she watched Honeymaren come next to her. Her hips buckled with each movement of Elsa's hands, and her back arched with every rough breath she took. 

"Fuck, Elsa!" Honeymaren yelled, her toes curling and her voice breathless. "I'm...I'm com-"

A high pitched moan came from Honeymaren, and in an instant, she went still. Elsa carefully removed her hand from Honeymaren's center, her finger drenched in her arousal and tight from exertion. 

After a moment, Honeymaren finally opened her eyes, her pupils dilated and her cheeks flushed. Her brow was covered in sweat and strands of hair were sticking to it. She had never looked so beautiful.

Lifting her hand, Elsa brushed away some of the hair stuck on Honeymaren's face, but before she could pull away, Honeymaren grabbed her wrist, softly. Bringing it close to her mouth, Honeymaren took one of her fingers between her lips, surprising Elsa. Wide eyed, Elsa watched as Honeymaren licked her fingers clean of her arousal. 

"Fuck, princess," Honeymaren finally exclaimed, letting go of Elsa's hand and wrapping her left arm around her, pinning Elsa to the bed and immobilizing her with her body weight. "For someone who doesn't know what they're doing..."


	22. Bed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: the first part of this chapter is sexually explicit. Short summary: Honeymaren and Elsa didn't get much sleep, they continue their exploring in the morning. However, a call from Anna inviting both of them to dinner interrupts them. Second part is completely PG.

Thursday morning, February 10th 

Elsa's eyes fluttered open, but she winced at the bright sunlight coming in through her windows. Rolling to her side to hide her face away from the sun, Elsa was surprised to feel something on top of her.

A light weight on her chest was preventing her from turning to her side, and Elsa fought to keep her eyes open and inspect her situation. Although the sun was almost blinding, Elsa quickly got used to it and her mouth formed into a loop sided grin as she recognized the tan, muscled arm wrapped over her. 

Honeymaren was sleeping next to her, her arm fiercely holding on to Elsa's abdomen and half of her naked body covered by the sheets. Seeing her bare back and legs made Elsa blush, remembering the night before. 

If their first time had been hard to describe, the words to recall their most recent night had yet to be invented. Her one orgasm their first night together was incredible, but Elsa was still trying to process the fact that Honeymaren had made her climax over 3 times just a few hours before sunrise. 

Feeling hot all of the sudden, Elsa tried to remove the sheets from her body, but she wasn't careful enough and her movements woke Honeymaren up. She stirred, her nose scrunching and tiny whimpers coming from her mouth. She looked adorable. 

Smiling, Elsa lifted her hand and caressed Honeymaren's hair, tucking it behind her ear and revealing her tired eyes.

"Good morning, sleepyhead," Elsa laughed, smoothing over her hair and kissing the crown of her head softly.

"Hm," Honeymaren grumbled, her eyes heavy and her body limp. "Mornin'".

"Did you sleep well?" Elsa asked, turning to face Honeymaren and snuggling closer to her. In response, Honeymaren wrapped her arm tighter around her waist, pressing their bare torsos together.

"You didn't let me get much sleep last night," Honeymaren mumbled once again, her face nuzzled in Elsa's neck and her eyes closing once again. 

Elsa blushed, her ears and cheeks hot remembering their night. The day before, Elsa had invited Honeymaren over for dinner, but after she walked through the door, they hand't done much of what Elsa had planned. Their night evolved quicker than she thought, and they hadn't even eaten the dinner Elsa had prepared. It remained in her dining table, now cold and stale. 

Being reminded they hadn't eaten dinner last night, Elsa's stomach rumbled loudly, making Honeymaren, who was still snuggling next to Elsa, her eyes closed, giggle. However, she didn't move, and after a few moments, Elsa heard her breathing become more even, deeper. She had fallen asleep, but Elsa's stomach was still rumbling, demanding something to eat.

Again, Elsa tried to move, but Honeymaren's grip on her waist tightened, and in Elsa's neck, she whispered:

"No. Stay."

Elsa considered arguing, to explain to Honeymaren she was just going to make breakfast for both of them, but her conviction crumbled after seeing Honeymaren's body pressed against her, after feeling her warmth all around her. 

Looking around her room, Elsa saw her alarm clock in her nightstand. _9:56 am_ , it read. _It's not that late, we could sleep a bit more_ , Elsa thought to herself, settling back in her pillow and turning her body to face Honeymaren, her arm wrapping around the other woman's waist. 

However, as soon as she closed her eyes, Elsa realized she wouldn't be able to sleep anymore. Her eyes had already gotten used to the sunny day, and her mind was completely awake. Moreover, her body was completely aware of Honeymaren's nakedness pressed against her, and a tight feeling settled in her core. She was aroused.

Embarrassed, Elsa tried to breath deeply. She couldn't believe it, she was acting like a horny teenager just because a beautiful woman was sleeping next to her. Squeezing her legs together, Elsa tried to calm herself down, to relieve the feeling she had down _there_. But instead of relieving her, the action made her even more aware of the taut feeling in her center. 

Relaxing her legs, Elsa tried again to breath. However, her breaths were coming in shallow, and her hands were beginning to sweat. Feeling anxious, Elsa rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands, trying to breath better, but her movements woke Honeymaren once again. 

"You okay?" Honeymaren asked, one eyebrow raised and a concerned expression on her face. "You looked flushed."

 _Great_ , Elsa thought to herself, closing her eyes. Blowing some of the hair out of her face, Elsa did her best to seem calm and collected and said:

"I'm fine. Just a little hot."

"Hmm," Honeymaren hummed, this time looking much more awake. "You sure?"

"Y-yes," Elsa whimpered, her gaze unconsciously landing on Honeymaren's lips, making her gulp. 

Forcing herself to look up, Elsa's eyes met Honeymaren's, which were now wide open and staring at her curiously. After a couple of seconds, Honeymaren's expression changed. Realization washed over her face, and she raised her eyebrow once again, this time with the smuggest expression Elsa had ever seen. 

"Elsa..." Honeymaren began, lifting her hand and caressing Elsa's cheeks with the back of her fingers. "Oh my. Elsa, are you turned on?"

Elsa's eyes widened, and she felt her ears, her cheeks, even her chest, redden. Se considered denying it, but seeing how Honeymaren saw right through her, it would be pointless. So, instead of replying, Elsa swallowed the lump in her throat, and tried to stand.

"I'm going to get some water," Elsa said hastily, removing the covers from her body and turning so she could stand from the bed. However, before she could escape, Honeymaren's hand left her face and grabbed her by her waist, holding her in place strongly.

"Hold on," Honeymaren said, her voice husky and quiet. Moving her hand to the small of Elsa's back, Honeymaren pulled Elsa forward, pressing their bodies together again. Elsa could feel Honeymaren's breath in her face, tickling her eyelashes. "Where are you going?"

"I-I..." Elsa stammered. She was tongue tied, had no idea what to say, and in that moment was only aware of Honeymaren's hand caressing her back, drawing circles along her spine. One of Honeymaren's legs wrapped over her, bringing their bodies even closer together.

"Is this what you want?" Honeymaren asked, allowing her hand to travel away from Elsa's back and towards her front, snaking upwards from her abdomen to her breasts. Taking one of Elsa's nipples in between her fingers, Honeymaren brought her face closer to Elsa, until their lips were less than an inch apart.

Feeling excited, and so glad Honeymaren was awake, Elsa gave up and kissed her. Their mouths crashed together, and it took Elsa only a couple of seconds to shed her timid exterior and take Honeymaren's lower lip in between her teeth. Biting softly, Elsa heard Honeymaren moan, and encouraged, allowed her tongue to explore Honeymaren's mouth. At the same time, Honeymaren's fingers continued toying with Elsa's nipples, making her want to explode.

"Fuck, Honeymaren," Elsa said in between kisses, her voice rough. "Yes."

"I love it when you curse," Honeymaren said, breaking their kiss and climbing on top of Elsa, her hands still fondling her breasts. 

Embarrassed by Honeymaren's teasing, Elsa felt herself blush, but before she could allow herself to feel self-conscious, Honeymaren leaned forward and took one of Elsa's nipples between her teeth, biting and licking with her tongue, making Elsa's vision blurry. 

"What do you want, Elsa?" Honeymaren asked, sitting up straight and moving her hands up and down Elsa's torso. 

"You know..." Elsa answered, squirming underneath Honeymaren's weight, trying to find some release but being held still by the woman on top of her.

"I don't," Honeymaren said sternly, taking Elsa's hands in her own and kissing each on of her fingers. "Tell me."

"You," Elsa finally answered, keeping her gaze on Honeymaren, trying her best to convey how much she wanted Honeymaren with her expression. 

"I can do that," Honeymaren said, nodding once and letting go of Elsa's hands. Climbing off her lap, Honeymaren sat on her knees across from Elsa, placing her hands on Elsa's knees. Elsa nodded, and a second later, Honeymaren separated her knees from each other, opening her legs and exposing her center to the cold morning air. 

"You know," Honeymaren said, settling on her elbows in front of Elsa, her eyes wide and her pupils dilated, a lustful expression in her face. "I've been dying to know what you taste like, Elsa."

Flustered, Elsa's only reaction was to close her eyes and grip her bedsheets, her nails digging into her palms through the fabric. Feeling Honeymaren's breath close to her center, Elsa was certain she was dripping wet, soaking through the sheets beneath her.

However, just when Honeymaren's tongue was about to come into contact with her folds, a loud ring made Elsa jump from the bed. Turning her head towards to loud noise, Elsa saw her phone, ringing and vibrating in her nightstand. Elsa considered ignoring it, but after seeing the familiar redhead pop up in her screen, Elsa huffed and took her phone.

"I'm sorry," Elsa said to Honeymaren, who had settled back in her knees and was staring at her, with an unreadable expression in her face. "This will just take a second."

"Don't mind me," Honeymaren said nonchalantly, a mischievous smile forming in her lips and a twinkle in her eye. 

"Hello?" Elsa said, answering her phone.

"Elsa! Hi!" Elsa heard Anna through her phone, her usual peppiness and liveliness as present as ever. "How are you?! I haven't heard from you in _days_!"

"I'm fin-" Elsa began, but her voice was interrupted by a yelp. Honeymaren had settled back down across from her, and was running her tongue up and down Elsa's folds, putting pressure in that certain sensitive spot.

"Are you okay?" Anna asked, her voice growing preoccupied. 

"I'm fine," Elsa said slowly, breathing in deeply and trying to hide the arousal in her voice. "I just... I stubbed my toe. I'm fine."

"Oh, okay," Anna replied, her voice back to normal. "Anyways, what's up?! You've gone M.I.A. since last Thursday, I was beginning to worry."

Elsa tried to concentrate on Anna's voice, tried to reply anything that made sense, but the feeling of Honeymaren's tongue stroking her, licking her, had Elsa seeing stars, her mind thousands of miles away. Honeymaren's tongue had now settled over Elsa's clit, drawing circles with the most wonderful pressure Elsa had ever felt down there.

"I-I'm okay," Elsa began, breathing in through her teeth and trying her best to concentrate on her words and not on the woman bringing her close to climax. "Just... just busy."

"Right, I figured," Anna answered. "But you're coming, right?"

"What?!" Elsa asked, almost screamed at her sister.

"What's up with you, sister? You're acting so strange... I was just wondering if you're coming over for dinner tonight."

"Oh. Yeah, I-I am."

Anna said something else, but Elsa could not for the life of her recall what that was. In that very moment, two of Honeymaren's fingers slipped through Elsa's folds, going deep within her and curling upwards in the most wonderful way. Elsa could barely breath. 

"Right, y-yes," Elsa said, trying to concentrate again on Anna's voice, but failing to understand whatever it was her sister was saying to her. Elsa was only able to catch Anna saying goodbye.

"Okay, I'll do that. See you tonight then, Elsa. Love you!"

"Yes m-me, too."

Elsa hung up the phone and carelessly threw it across her room, landing with a soft thud on the floor. Her vision was turning black now, her eye going to the back of her head and her toes curling. Honeymaren was speeding up, each thrust of her fingers deeper and each swipe of her tongue harder. 

Elsa was so close, she could feel the electricity building up in every nerve of her body, but right when she was about to explode, another loud noise startled Elsa. It was a phone, but it didn't sound like her ringtone. In that second, Honeymaren sat up, breaking away from Elsa to retrieve her phone from the back pocket of her jeans.

Frustrated, Elsa huffed and was about to protest, until Honeymaren sat on the bed next to her and showed Elsa her phone. An unknown number appeared on Honeymaren's screen, but Elsa knew that set of digits by heart.

"Why is my sister calling you?" Elsa asked, surprised, but not very preoccupied about it. She tried to pull Honeymaren by her hand towards the bed, but Honeymaren remained seated, staring at her phone.

"I was just about to ask you that," Honeymaren exclaimed, looking at her phone still ringing in her hand. "You just talked to her, what did she say?"

"I was _not_ paying attention to that conversation," Elsa said, placing her hands on her hips and frowning. "And you know that."

Honeymaren chuckled, kissed Elsa on her forehead and answered the phone, standing from the bed and walking towards the window. 

"Hello," Honeymaren said, playing dumb. "Who is this?"

"Oh, hi Anna! How are you?" Honeymaren asked, leaning on the window and looking at Elsa with a smug expression, eyebrow raised and a crooked grin.

Elsa huffed, and threw herself back on her bed, her arms stretched to her sides and her body feeling _very_ unsatisfied. She tried to focus on Honeymaren's conversation, to distract herself from the _horrible_ feeling between her legs.

"Well, yeah, we've talked to each other. Yes, we're good friends."

"Yes, we've seen each other lately. Just lunch, nothing more."

"Oh, I don't know, I would have to ask her."

"Oh, you did?"

"Ooh, she _did_? She said that?"

"Right, okay, well then, I'll guess I'll swing by later."

Honeymaren hung up the phone, and sat down besides Elsa, who was still laying down on the bed, her gaze glued to Honeymaren. Honeymaren lifted her hand, taking Elsa's hair and running her fingers through it, making Elsa's eyes to flutter and _that_ feeling to return. 

However, curiosity got the better of her, and after a moment of Honeymaren playing with her hair, Elsa asked:

"So, what did she say?"

"She asked me to come over for dinner," Honeymaren answered, settling down in the bed and laying next to Elsa, her hand now drawing lazy spirals in Elsa's abdomen. "She said you agreed and would 'looove' to have me over tonight."

"She did?" Elsa asked, surprised. Then, the rest of the sentence computed. "I did?"

"Apparently," Honeymaren laughed. She kissed Elsa's cheek and began to stand from the bed. "I have to go, I need to organize somethings to make it to your sister's in time."

"Oh no, you don't," Elsa said, sitting up abruptly and grabbing Honeymaren by her wrist, pulling her back to the bed. Honeymaren collapsed on top of her, her face inches away from Elsa's. "You can't leave, not yet."

"Why's that?" Honeymaren asked, that same mischievous smile on her face and twinkle in her eyes. 

"Ugh," Elsa exclaimed, rolling her eyes and bringing her hands to the back of Elsa's head. Honeymaren laughed, and pressed her lips to Elsa's.

* * *

"Do I look okay?" Honeymaren asked, smoothing the red fabric of her dress with her hands, as they walked away from Honeymaren's car and towards Anna and Kristoff's house. 

The winter was still strong in Norway, and the short walk between the street and the sidewalk was surely making Honeymaren's legs numb. However, Elsa couldn't deny thoroughly enjoying the view of Honeymaren in a dress. It wasn't an usual sight, and every time Elsa turned her head to look at her, the butterflies in her stomach went crazy. 

"You look perfect," Elsa replied, taking her hand out of the pocket of her coat and leaning closer to take Honeymaren's. However, before she did, the door of the house in front of them flew open, and Anna emerged behind it, a huge smile on her face and a toddler in her arms. Elsa tucked her hand away.

"You made it!" Anna called from the door, jumping up and down and waving with her free hand. "Come on! You'll freeze out there!"

Honeymaren and Elsa walked a little faster, until they reached the door. Elsa hugged Anna first, and relieved her off her child, holding Ingrid in her arms while Anna greeted Honeymaren.

"Hey, Ingrid," Elsa said, holding the little girls close to her chest, hugging her fiercely. "How are you?"

"I'm cold!" Ingrid exclaimed, looking up at her with big, brown eyes and rosy cheeks. Her blond hair was hidden underneath a pink, fluffy hat. 

"Me, too," Elsa laughed. "Let's go inside, something smells amazing."

"Papa!" Ingrid yelled as Elsa walked inside and followed the aroma of cooking. Kristoff's head peaked out of the kitchen and greeted Elsa with a warm smile. His hair was rustled, was wearing an apron that looked too small to be his, and was holding a wooden spoon with his hand. 

"Hey!" He called from the kitchen. Ingrid began to squirm on Elsa's hands, and she let go. When the little girl's feet hit the floor, she ran towards her dad, hugging one of his legs. Towering at over 6 feet, Kristoff looked like a giant next to his daughter, and Elsa's heart warmed. 

"Hi, Kristoff," Elsa said, entering the kitchen and inhaling the amazing smells coming from his cooking. "Something smells great."

"I made pasta!" Kristoff exclaimed, dropping the wooden spoon and picking up his daughter, tickling her nose. "I know Andersen girls love pasta."

"We do!" Elsa heard Anna say behind her. Turning around, Elsa saw Anna approach the kitchen with Honeymaren by her side, holding on to her arm with both of her hands. Elsa smiled, and for a split second, allowed herself to imagine this life. Her sister, Honeymaren, a family. Shaking her head, Elsa rid herself of the thought. _That's impossible_.

"Everything looks amazing," Honeymaren said to Anna, her arm still immobilized. "Do you need help with anything?"

"What? No!" Anna exclaimed, letting go of Honeymaren to accentuate her words with her hands. "You're our _guests_ , silly. Everything will be ready in a couple of minutes, why don't you two go take a seat in the living room?"

"Are you sure?" Elsa asked, looking around the kitchen. The food looked almost ready, that was true, but the sink was full of dirty dishes and the table wasn't set. "We can help, it's no bother."

"No way!" Anna said again, and this time began to push both Honeymaren and Elsa out of the kitchen. "Go on, we'll be ready any second."

Anna ushered them out of the kitchen and towards the couch in the living room. Elsa offered to hold Ingrid while they finished with dinner, but Anna refused, leaving them alone, only with a snoring Sven on the carpet in front of them.

Honeymaren sat down first, and patted the spot next to her, inviting Elsa to sit next to her. Elsa remained standing, looking around the house. It was the first time Elsa had been back here with Honeymaren since New Year's. Their first kiss, Elsa recalled. Elsa remembered that moment fondly, and she smiled involuntarily. However, Anna's laughter from the kitchen brought her back, and her smile disappeared.

Sure, she and Honeymaren were in a relationship. Whatever it was they were doing, Elsa was happy, she couldn't deny it. Honeymaren made her heart beat faster whenever they looked at each other, and she still couldn't believe Honeymaren allowed Elsa to kiss her, anytime she wanted. However, she couldn't help but ponder at the ephemerality of their relationship.

Honeymaren was out, she had been for a long time. But what about Elsa? Was she just supposed to come out to everyone in her life all of the sudden? If she wanted to have a "normal" relationship with Honeymaren, if she wanted to be able to hold her hand in public and kiss her as they walked in the park, she would have to put in jeopardy all of her other relationships. 

She would have to tell her boss, her coworkers, her students... She would have to tell Anna and Kristoff, even little Ingrid would need to be told _something_ to explain why a stranger was now spending all of her time with Elsa and kissing her on the mouth. She couldn't bring herself to imagine what anyone of them would react like. What if it was negative? The thought made Elsa's eyes sting. She wasn't ready to lose her life, her family. Not yet.

But she wasn't ready to lose Honeymaren either. They had just started to see each other, they had so much more ahead of them. Was Elsa really willing to throw away their future together for the mere fear of the "what if"? Although it was true they had only known each other for a few months, Elsa was having a hard time imagining a life without Honeymaren by her side.

Shaking her head, trying to rid herself of the thoughts, Elsa uprooted herself from the spot where she was standing and walked towards the couch where Honeymaren was sitting. However, as she approached, the dog woke up, and excitedly ran to Elsa, lifting his front paws and whining for Elsa to pet him.

"Hey, big guy," Elsa said to the two hundred pound rescue. "I've missed you."

The dog barked in response, his tail wagging excitedly and his front paws digging into Elsa's stomach. Elsa scratched him behind his ears, earning another loud bark from the dog. Honeymaren laughed, and Sven turned his head, his ears moving side to side, inspecting the woman sitting on the couch. 

"That's Honeymaren," Elsa explained, guiding Sven towards the couch and sitting next to Honeymaren. She was careful not to sit too close. "Remember her? You guys met last October. You really liked her."

The dog approached Honeymaren slowly, sniffing her feet and eyeing her curiously. However, after a few seconds of inspection, Sven seemed to remember the woman in front of him, and he began to happily wag his tail, whimpering and rising his paws. Honeymaren laughed, petting his head and scratching his neck. 

"Hello," Honeymaren said to the dog, his front paws resting on top her legs and his tail wagging like crazy. "It's nice to see you, too."

Elsa was about to scoot closer to Honeymaren, seeing Anna and Kristoff were still busy with the food, but Sven had other ideas, and quickly jumped on the couch, snuggling between the two of them, barking happily. Sven was so big that Elsa and Honeymaren were left sitting on opposites sides of the couch, far away enough that Elsa was able to breath a little better.

Not being so close to Honeymaren was a relief, since in that very moment Anna walked out of the kitchen, heading straight towards them.

"Hey! No Svens allowed on the couch!" Anna yelled, after seeing the huge dog snuggled between the two women on the couch. 

"Oh Anna, let him," Elsa said, petting his back softly. "He's clean, and very polite."

" _Fine_ , but only because you two are here." Anna conceded, and turned back, setting the table. Without even looking at Honeymaren or Elsa, Anna added: "And don't even think of standing and coming over here, we're almost done."

Elsa grunted, collapsing back on the couch and looking at Honeymaren. She shrugged, and went back to petting Sven, who was more than happy of having all of her attention to himself. Elsa looked between Honeymaren and Anna, her head turning like watching a tennis match. _What the_ fuck _am I supposed to do_. 

"Dinner!" Ingrid yelled from the kitchen, startling Elsa and bringing her back to Earth. Her mind had been running ever since they arrived, and now she was thankful she had food to distract her. She waited for Honeymaren to stand from the couch, and followed her to the dining table, where they all took a seat and began to eat the food Kristoff had prepared for all of them.

"So," Anna began, as she spooned some pasta into Ingrid's mouth. "I want to ask you something, Elsa."

"Yeah?" Elsa asked, dropping her fork and looking directly at her sister. She tried to breath, tried to not seem to panicked, but she was certain Anna could see her flushed cheeks and wide eyes. She took her drink to hide her nervousness. 

"Are you seeing anyone?" Anna asked, as if it was the most casual thing ever. Elsa choked on her water, shocked at Anna's question. Honeymaren stiffened as well, and although it was incredibly subtle, Elsa picked it up easily. "Anyone from work, or, I don't know... Anyone?"

"Why do you ask that?" Elsa asked her sister, clearing her throat and sitting a little straighter. She didn't dare to look at Honeymaren in that moment. 

"Oh, it's nothing. Well, I mean, it _is_ something. There's this guy at the firm. His name's Martin, and he's the sweetest!"

"That's nice..." Elsa said carefully, not entirely sure where her sister was going with the conversation. Surely she wasn't trying to set Elsa up on a blind date, was she?

"Right?" Anna asked, this time much more excited, nearly jumping in her chair. "So, I was thinking, if you want, I could give him your number, you two could meet up, go for dinner or something."

"Thank you," Elsa said patiently, replaying the hundreds of times the two of them had already had this exact conversation. "But you know this Anna, I'm so busy with work, I don't have-"  
"  
You don't have to date, blah blah blah," Anna interrupted her. "I know what you're gonna say, but just think about it, okay? He's _super_ nice, and very good-looking!"

"Fine," Elsa said, wanting Anna off her back. She was also hyperaware of Honeymaren looking at her from across the table. "But you know what I'm gonna say."

"As long as you think about it," Anna said happily, and went back to feeding her daughter. An awkward silence followed, accompanied by the clattering of cutlery on plates and faint chewing. After what seemed like hours, Kristoff finally cleared his throat and asked:

"What about you, Honeymaren?"

"What about me?" Honeymaren asked, her eyes wide and her posture stiff. Elsa saw one of her hands twitch, and had to try her hardest not to hold it, right then and there.

"Are you seeing anyone?" Kristoff asked calmly, finishing the pasta on his plate and cleaning the remaining tomato sauce with a piece of bread.

"Uhh," Honeymaren said, looking from Kristoff to Elsa. However, Elsa was too scared to look at Honeymaren, and instead her gaze remained glued to her plate, the basil on her dish now much more interesting. Elsa could only hope Honeymaren wouldn't say anything to Kristoff or Anna. "No, I'm not. Not seeing anyone, I mean."

"Had to think about it?" Anna joked, trying to lighten the mood. Elsa could only feel a dark cloud forming around her. "It's complicated?"

"You could say that, yeah," Honeymaren said softly, looking back at Elsa and then at her own plate. The rest of the dinner ended quietly.


End file.
